Rainstorm Counselling & Consulting

04/24/2024

“Screen Time & The Neurodivergent Brain: Modern Day Mental Health Considerations"

Is too much of your day spent in a power struggle with your kid over screen time? (Or maybe trying to get away from the distraction of ever-present screens yourself?)

I've just released my very first on-demand workshop! In it, I propose a broad, three step framework for healthy use of screens, and taking back your family life. At least half of the workshop is devoted to actionable strategies you can put into practice today. Follow the link below to purchase.
https://www.neurodiversityfamilycentre.com/challenge-page/screentime

09/15/2023

Last year I wrote a couple of blog posts on adult ADHD, which is essentially a developmental delay in executive functioning skills. Heres a general guide to the different areas that comprise executive functioning, and what (broad) age they might develop in neurotypical brains. (Lots of other good stuff at this site too!)

What age does executive functioning develop? Explore the growth of cognitive, communication, and motor skills from infancy to adulthood.

06/07/2023

Last month I took some time off, and watched 10 hrs of interviews with experts at Bright and Quirky's *Screen Time and Mental Health* summit. (Wow, i learned so much that I wish I knew twenty years ago, when raising my own kids!) I'm inspired to write another blog series - so look out for that upcoming. In the meantime, here's a podcast "why we should all strive to be GOOD ENOUGH digital parents". It's 40 min long, so note the button on the link to access the transcript if you prefer. Also, scroll down even more to check out episode 181 "4 Tips to Stop the Technology Tantrums" - something I hear a LOT about from my clients.

All the experts tell us that kids should grow up without screens. And while screen-free parenting is a cool idea - let's be honest, it doesn't actually work. The No Guilt Mom podcast welcomes Dr. Katie Davis this week to share how you can parent both with and without screens the right way!

06/01/2023

Is this you? Someone you know? In my work at The Neurodiversity Family Centre, I've been seeing more and more neurodiverse couples coming to me for help.

Adult attachment theory (evidence based) says that how we attach to our primary caregivers as children sets patterns in motion for how we connect to our significant others as adults. (These aren't the only two styles, there are two others.) Some sources call the "anxious" partner ... "preoccupied" instead. I think that's a better name. Because in this cycle, its important to remember the avoidant partner is anxious (overwhelmed) too - its just more hidden. Each partner is exhibiting behaviours that create worry in the other. Ready to work? I can help.

05/31/2023

Keep an eye on this space - new blog posting on Screen Time and Mental Health upcoming! (Chock full of info and tips that I wish I'd known 15-20 years ago!)

05/25/2023

Teach your children (and yourself!) a powerful antidote to Shame.

Shame starts in childhood, and tells us we are broken in some way. Parents tell me about their kids saying "sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry ..." and how annoying it is. It doesn't feel apologetic to them. Or "i'm sorry I'm a horrible kid!" Huh? Parents get confused. While guilt can sometimes be useful ("I did something bad), shame is not ("I am bad").

Simply reminding your child that they are not bad may do very little to shift Shame. If life is feeling unmanageable and you are feeling weighed down by all your (very Canadian!) "sorry's" .. who do you need to say "thank you" to instead?

05/24/2023

This past week I took some time off, and watched 10 hrs of interviews with experts at Bright and Quirky's *Screen Time and Mental Health* summit. (Wow, i learned so much that I wish I knew twenty years ago, when raising my own kids!) I'm inspired to write another blog series - so look out for that upcoming. In the meantime, here's a podcast "why we should all strive to be GOOD ENOUGH digital parents". It's 40 min long, so note the button linked here to access the transcript if you prefer. Also, scroll down even more to check out episode 181 "4 Tips to Stop the Technology Tantrums" - something I hear a LOT about from my clients.

All the experts tell us that kids should grow up without screens. And while screen-free parenting is a cool idea - let's be honest, it doesn't actually work. The No Guilt Mom podcast welcomes Dr. Katie Davis this week to share how you can parent both with and without screens the right way!

01/19/2023

Nature or Nurture? How much influence do you ACTUALLY have on how your kids turn out? After my own often challenging parenting journey, and after spending a lot of time counselling overwhelmed, anxious and stressed out parents ... I've developed the belief that we give ourselves waay too much credit. Which gives one a sense of freedom! Now I'm learning that research confirms this. As Dr. Barkley says - just relax and enjoy the show - because its over much too soon.

Russell Barkley

12/14/2022

What are your strengths? What about your children's strengths? How can you create a culture of appreciation for each others? Research shows 24 character strengths, grouped under 6 broad categories. I know of at least one child therapist who uses them to organize her sessions with her child (12 yrs and up, maybe I should say youth) clients. Here is a 15 minute survey that everyone can do - its free :)

Do you know your character strengths? Once you do, you’ll be empowered to face life’s challenges, work toward goals and feel more fulfilled, personally and professionally. Take the free personality assessment test from the VIA Institute on Character so you can discover your strengths today.

10/18/2022

In the process of struggling with mental health problems, new doors in our brains can open to more creative endeavours. Which one of these photographers are your favourite?

Depression afflicts 350 million people worldwide, but there's still a stigma attached to it. Through depression photography, a light is shed on this issue.

10/14/2022

I've found that one of the more common reasons people looking for counselling choose me is that they like the idea of getting out of the office, getting off of their screens, and going for a walk together. Next week I'm starting a course "Intro to Nature Based Therapy". This quote (found in the pre-reading) resonated with me:

“Knowing that you love the earth changes you, activates you to defend and protect and celebrate. But when you feel that the earth loves you in return, that feeling transforms the relationship from a one-way street into a sacred bond.”
Robin Wall Kimmerer, Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants

Greater Victoria has so many beautiful choices! Where do you want to walk? Benefits of Walk And Talk Therapy Walking in nature is calming, which can be beneficial if you are talking about tricky issues that may bring up challenging emotions. It can be less intimidating than meeting in an office with...

09/03/2022

At the end of July I published part one of a two part series on adult ADHD. Here is part two! My original intent in writing this was to help translate an abstract diagnosis into everyday problems. What does ADHD look like in real life? In planning and researching it, I came up with more ideas of how to turn those problems into solutions!
https://kirstenluise.ca/help-healing/adult-adhd-part-two-20-everyday-problems-and-5-easy-solutions/

In part one of this series, I explained what adult ADHD is, and how it works in the brain. In part two, I’ve curated a list of twenty chronic problems that seem to occur with more frequency in those with adult ADHD. (These examples are all drawn from people I know, and/or stories I have …

07/28/2022

Its been way too long since I added to my blog. I got inspired to write about adult ADHD ... it grew so long that it's going to be published in three parts. Here's part one! What is ADHD anyway? And can you grow out of it?

Part two will break the silence, and give real life stories and examples of how adults with ADHD might get themselves in trouble. In this way I hope to confront the stigma (or at least the embarrassment), and draw direct connections with the impairment in the brain. Do you have examples for me? How does adult ADHD get in the way? Post below or send a message. (I won't share any names.)

Part three will share tips and ideas how to see ADHD differently, what helps, and how to use one's "superpowers" for good!

https://kirstenluise.ca/help-healing/adult-adhd-part-one-what-is-adhd-and-can-you-grow-out-of-it/

Growing up, even though I was the oldest, I was more forgetful and disorganized than my siblings. I was (and am) more of a TV ju**ie. I got lost very easily (still do). I was a bookworm, to the point that I would ignore everything and everybody. I was also more emotionally expressive. This meant …

06/24/2022

I just have to put in a plug for the Institute of Child Psychology out of Alberta. What a fantastic Canadian organization and such a wealth of resources for both parents and counsellors. This link will take you to all their free stuff: "cultivating grit in children", "connection rituals to battle anxiety" , "parenting with the brain in mind", "Meltdowns: 5 essential steps" and more! (Note you do need to give them your email address, but I think its worth it!)
https://instituteofchildpsychology.com/resources/

Join ICP Co-Founder, Tammy Schamuhn, in this free webinar that provides parenting tools to promote emotion regulation in children.

06/17/2022

I'm pretty excited to be working with kids again, so I went looking for some ideas/strategies. Here's a feel good exercise you can do with your little ones ... or even teens? ... who might worry too much. (Maybe you can do one for yourself at the same time?I bet your kids would love to do it together with you!) https://kristinamarcelli.wordpress.com/2015/03/28/safe-place-pillow-case-project/

The “safe place” or “peaceful pillowcase” project is something I have found helpful for all ages (FYI these pillow pictures are courtesy of my two youngest sisters who made …

06/10/2022

(Can't figure out how to post these side by side.) One of these says "I'm still growing" (me too!) and the other says "Everyone grows at different rates" (a good reminder). I like them because I'm pretty sure Sesame Street had a song about The Power of "Yet". So, I can't figure out how to post these side by side ... yet! (It's different on a business page than a personal page - but if anyone knows, please shed some light!) 😉

06/03/2022

"What took you so long?" (A poem by John Roedel. Best if read out loud!)

my brain and
heart divorced
a decade ago
over who was
to blame about
how big of a mess
I have become
eventually,
they couldn't be
in the same room
with each other
now my head and heart
share custody of me
I stay with my brain
during the week
and my heart
gets me on weekends
they never speak to one another
- instead, they give me
the same note to pass
to each other every week
and their notes they
send to one another always
says the same thing:
"This is all your fault"
on Sundays
my heart complains
about how my
head has let me down
in the past
and on Wednesday
my head lists all
of the times my
heart has screwed
things up for me
in the future
they blame each
other for the
state of my life
there's been a lot
of yelling - and crying
so,
lately, I've been
spending a lot of
time with my gut
who serves as my
unofficial therapist
most nights, I sneak out of the
window in my ribcage
and slide down my spine
and collapse on my
gut's plush leather chair
that's always open for me
~ and I just sit sit sit sit
until the sun comes up
last evening,
my gut asked me
if I was having a hard
time being caught
between my heart
and my head
I nodded
I said I didn't know
if I could live with
either of them anymore
"my heart is always sad about
something that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried
about something that may happen tomorrow,"
I lamented
my gut squeezed my hand
"I just can't live with
my mistakes of the past
or my anxiety about the future,"
I sighed
my gut smiled and said:
"in that case,
you should
go stay with your
lungs for a while,"
I was confused
- the look on my face gave it away
"if you are exhausted about
your heart's obsession with
the fixed past and your mind's focus
on the uncertain future
your lungs are the perfect place for you
there is no yesterday in your lungs
there is no tomorrow there either
there is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale
there is only this moment
there is only breath
and in that breath
you can rest while your
heart and head work
their relationship out."
this morning,
while my brain
was busy reading
tea leaves
and while my
heart was staring
at old photographs
I packed a little
bag and walked
to the door of
my lungs
before I could even knock
she opened the door
with a smile and as
a gust of air embraced me
she said
"what took you so long?"
~ john roedel

https://thecaregiversvoice.com/tcv-review/a-decade-ago-my-brain-and-heart-divorced-john-roedel/

John Roedel wrote a beautiful and memorable poem using our anatomy. Stressed caregivers, may you feel comforted by his words that speak to your own life's struggles. Remember to breathe.

05/27/2022

Learning about the importance of validation with loved ones, and just exactly how to do it effectively (there is a script!) can be a game changer. (Hint - It's not like the comic!) It comes from Emotion Focused Family Therapy, and is the most important step in applying something called Emotion Coaching. Want to learn how to calm your kids, or to help a loved one feel heard and seen? I can help ❤️.