11/01/2025
When an embodied, grounded man enters the life of a woman who hasn't experienced much safety, his safety can feel strange and unwelcome at first, even threatening.
It’s not because he’s faltering or failing her. It’s deeper than that.
Initially, her nervous system will likely perceive his safety as something false, as she distrusts it and her body doesn't recognize it on a visceral level. It will brace itself against a trust it has never learned to feel, right down to her cells.
His quiet reliability may sound false to her instincts. Her muscles will tighten. Her thoughts will search for proof of betrayal. His calmness will set off alarm bells that have rung for far too long.
So, she first has to process everything she had to suppress, and many feelings will come up.
His steadiness can become a sanctuary, a place where she can finally face everything she had to shove down for years to keep going. Those buried things don’t stay quiet forever, and his safety will crack open the door for them to rise.
It’s tough, it can get messy, but it’s the start of something beautiful: her healing.
In that healing, her body will release the stuck energy of all the unsafe situations and emotions from the past.
She might get sick because of the fear, the rage, and the sadness that float to the surface.
Her body might shake and tremble as it remembers how to let go.
Her throat might swell because of all the unspoken words that want to spill past her clenched lips.
She might have headaches because of all the images she tried to forget that suddenly come up.
The energy that was once frozen begins to move again.
When a woman hasn’t felt safe in the past, her body holds onto that tension. It’s like a knot that gently needs to be untied.
As her safe man, you can be there to support her, offering a steady presence and a space where she can feel secure enough to release what’s been holding her back.
Brother, this stage can be disorienting. One moment, she opens like a window; the next, she slams shut. Every lapse in your steadiness can send her retreating behind old walls.
Your role is not to fix her, but to remain quietly, consistently, humanly present, understanding that one moment of warmth isn’t enough.
You have to show up day after day with that same reliable heart.
That constancy will teach her nervous system a new rhythm. Her body will remember what peace feels like. Her vigilance will soften into trust.
And when she looks at you again, she will no longer see you as an impossible dream or a rescuer. She will see a human soul: imperfect, kind, capable of faltering but also capable of repair.
By then, your steadiness will have changed too. What began as an effort to hold space for her has become a quiet way of being in her presence.
Together, you will have inhabited a kind of safety that neither could have built alone.
It will feel like home.
Baj Waijers Baumann
*xuality *xuality
