02/15/2026
Good s*x follows the script Great s*x rewrites it mid scene. Good s*x makes you feel desired. Great s*x makes you feel chosen. People who have great s*x? They stopped asking permission to want something.
Most people spend their entire lives confusing being desired with desire. We learn to perform desire, not to feel it. To be object rather than subject. Your body becomes the stage. Your lust becomes secondary to being lustful. You monitor your performance, your endurance, your competence. You choreograph your reactions to match what you think they want to see. Performance is so practiced that you don't even realize you're performing it.
This starts early. Long before you had s*x, you learned your value lies in your performance. In being competent, being strong, knowing what to do. The pressure to lead, to initiate, to know exactly how to touch someone without being taught. You were taught that desire flows only in one direction: from you, always ready, always safe. Your job is to perform it convincingly. But never show when you're insecure, when you don't know, when you need something you can't name.
This is how you became fluent in playing confidence while staying detached from your actual experience. You can do the mechanics You know the flows, the rhythm, the ascension. But when someone asks you what you really want, beyond the script, that question feels like an exposure. You're draining out. You focus on what they want because it feels safer to perform competence than to admit you may not know.
Good s*x is about being desired. Great s*x is all about lust The difference is not subtle. Desire to be validated that you are attractive, capable, enough. It feels good because it calms the part of you that fears it might not be. But this relief is temporary. You need more of that. S*x becomes a loop: perform, receive confirmation, feel briefly calm, repeat.
Desire is internal. It comes in you. It doesn't need an audience. It doesn't require confirmation. When you desire something, you feel it in your body first. A move. A heat wave. Hunger that does not ask for permission. Great s*x lives here. In the space where you stop performing and start living.
Good s*x feels like confirmation. Great s*x feels like permission. Permission to be unsure, to ask, not to know everything, to be present with what's actually happening instead of executing a script. Permission to be a body with needs rather than a performer who meets expectations.
Good s*x happens when the chemistry is right. Great s*x happens when you stop performing. Chemistry is real. Attraction is important. But chemistry alone doesn't produce the kind of s*x that changes you. This is what happens when you drop the role. When you stop monitoring yourself from the outside and get back into your body. When you stop wondering if youāre doing it right and start noticing what actually feels good.
The people who have transcendent s*x are not the ones who have learned all the right techniques. They are the ones who have given themselves permission to stop performing altogether. They stopped faking security when they felt insecure. They have stopped performing techniques that are separate from actual perception. They stopped putting performance over presence because they were taught that competent lovers are like that.
What no one tells you: The transition from good to great s*x has nothing to do with technology. He is dealing with presence. Presence means you are in your body, not acting out of a script. You feel emotions as they arise instead of monitoring your performance. You breathe. You're slowing down. You ask. You admit when you don't know.
This scares most men because presence requires vulnerability. When you stop performing, you canāt control how youāre perceived. You may not know what to do next. You might want something different than expected. You may discover that your desires are quieter, stranger, more difficult to express than the script allows. Performance will protect you from that exposure. She will keep you safe. And she keeps you apart.
Great s*x is not safe. He is being honest. And honesty in s*x requires you to know what you want, which means you have to feel what you want, meaning you stop leaving your body long enough to listen to it. Most men have spent decades practicing competence while ignoring the actual signals of their bodies. You've learned to move past uncertainty, move on when connection is not formed, face ex*****on over experience.
Reclaiming your desire is not a switch you switch. It's a practice. u starting out small You notice what actually feels good versus what should feel good. You slow down instead of rushing to the next step. You're asking instead of assuming. You admit when you don't know. You stop performing security you don't feel.
People who have great s*x aren't special. They are being honest. They stopped waiting to get permission to occupy their own desire. They stopped performing and started feeling. And the s*x changed because they changed. Not because they learned a new technique, but because they returned to their bodies and allowed him to speak the truth.
~ Joe Turan
*xuality *xuality
