Bi-Ed: Bisexual Education, Victoria, BC (2025)

11/21/2024

Over the years I have learned to embrace sadness and trauma as a healing process instead of running away from them. One of my latest books, Shades of Sadness, explores that theme. It is now available on Amazon as an ebook, paperback and audiobook. I highly recommend the audiobook because it captures the emotions behind the healing process.

10/28/2024

I spent three years in Saskatoon, a year in Arizona, and then two in Cape Breton. While visiting my daughter on Vancouver Island, I met an amazing spirit-guided, intelligent, ex-teacher. I decided it was time to dare to love again. Last March we enjoyed our 10th anniversary.

Partnership

We are together in this, you and I,
fine-tuned instruments,
holding strong in time and adversity,
tuned to be played by a higher power.

We are two souls come together
intertwined in a common cause,
with a force greater than you and I,
a force that we have created,
a force that has created us,
melding our energies together
in meaning and purpose.

And so we thrive,
putting aside the voices that would say
we are too old to make a difference,
too fragile to hold that overflowing energy,
too weak to run the race to the finish line.

Yet, we are expanding together
to be yet more than we were,
emboldened by desire
to give a part of ourselves to each other.
We are two souls vibrating in harmony,
two sources of infinite energy
combining in purpose.

We create a space in time
enlivened with the intent
to share a piece of our essence
with each other and with others.
Together we wield the power
to heal wounds, nurture souls,
and level mountains.

10/22/2024

By the end of my two years in Costa Rica, I got my life and dreams together. I decided to return to Canada, reconnect with my family and friends, and get on with the rest of my life. It was like leaving the cocoon where change was easy and natural, return to a place where predators waited, and learn to fly for the first time in my life through the wind and rain.

Facing the Morning

I struggle to get out the door
and face the first light of morning,
thankful that darkness of the night
has given up its desire to hang on.
I push myself forth by sheer will
facing what this new day has in store.

I am equipped with this beautiful brain.
I was born to think, to learn, and do.
I will not let my mind be buried
under an avalanche of rock and rubble.

I will not to be pulled like a w**d
from the garden of production.
I will not die, wilt, and rot,
buried in the graveyard
of dead and decaying thought.

I cannot go that quietly into the night.
I will get up each morning and fight
for the right to do what I always wanted to do,
the right to be the me I always wanted to be.

I have new places to go,
new wonders to see,
new paths to walk,
new skills to learn,
new dreams to dream.

I will be more than I was yesterday,
but less than I will be tomorrow.

10/16/2024

From Older But Wiser

A Smile

It is the dawning of a new day,
a comedy after the tragedy,
a time to laugh again.
It now all flows together
as light goes into shadow.

A miracle has made all things visible.
The light on the computer screen,
the scattered papers on the table,
the certificates nailed against the wall,
the colors of my dreams,
the smell of a fresh pot of coffee.

That smile in the mirror has saved me.
Everything has changed.
Everything has been altered
in its very substance.
I am into a moment of the future
unchangeable as the rising of the sun.
It marks the beginning of a new era.

Everything is being transformed
yet remains unchanged.
The table scattered with papers
has come alive.
The light in the computer screen
glows with anticipation.
The certificates breathe proudly.
Rebirth grows lighter as if by magic.

An invisible stream of blood
has started flowing again
connecting all organs in my gut
with my heart,
connecting all things in my mind
with my soul.

10/06/2024

From Older but Wiser

The Challenge

I will not cower in my bed chamber
while the enemy is climbing my castle walls.
I will not succumb to the threat of nothingness.
My life will have whatever meaning I give it.
I will go out to face the demons of my mind.

A hear the pounding on my keep’s door.
The time has come to go out armed
into my inner court to fight for my own truth.
I will join the army of seasoned warriors
fighting for each other’s right to be themselves
in a world of armed and shielded enemies.
I will lay the foundations for a better world
in the minds I have the privilege to reach.

There comes a time in the affairs of men
when fear ceases, a blind spot in the mind,
when we harness our emotions and thoughts.
We face the specter of a baren reality.
We decide to become defenders of justice
within the crumbling walls of time.

Do we surrender?
Hell no! Never!
We curse our luck,
face the enemy,
and fight.

09/25/2024

From Older But Wiser

After moving to Costa Rica, I was all alone with my own thoughts and feelings. At first I found retirement difficult. I did not want to stop being an intelligent contributing human being. But this was not about being intelligent, it was about discovering the mysteries of life that lie beyond the rational mind. I began to sense that perhaps I had a new energy, something different, something that impowered my journey into my inner soul. I began to hear the sweet song of my spirit.

Chamber Music

A song calls me,
sometimes sweet in rhythm and melody,
sometimes harsh and wild with disharmony,
sometimes mournful, a grieving dirge.

A song calls me like the Sirens of Odysseus,
urging me to throw off my heavy chains
and hurl my self recklessly into the sea,
perhaps to unending bliss, perhaps to death.

What is this song echoing through my heart’s chamber
that calls me relentlessly to become more than I am,
that urges me to join the tenor section of the choir
and sing the words of life from the depth of my soul?

I need to drown out these droning repetitious noises,
and say ‘no’ to the voices of fatigue and complacency.
I need to stop, listen, and understand the lyrics
and realize that I am the composer of my own song.

09/17/2024

From my latest book,Older but Wiser, during my two years in Costa Rica.

I started to meditate. I spent hours each day sitting on my front patio overlooking the river that raged through my yard during the rainy season. After mourning and releasing all that might have been, I put the past behind and made a conscious decision to live in the present. I came to realize that my journey had been special indeed. Even my memories came into a new light. They were now precious. They had made me into the person I was. I was now just into my sixties. I still had lots of life ahead. I embraced it.

A Warm Embrace

The sun here is almost too intimate.
It touches every part of my skin with a kiss.
The vegetation wraps its arms around me,
a state of bliss never experienced before.

My body breathes in life-giving nutrients.
It grows steadily stronger day by day.
My mind flows again with hot thoughts.
I believe I have the power to be myself.

My heart concludes it can love again,
first the treasures of this delightful day,
the riches that lie deep inside me,
and the gems of love that yet await.

This is the pathway to redemption that was hidden.
These feelings at my heart’s core have sought love,
penetrated knowledge and conceived wisdom,
a truth that is not composed of thoughts and words.

Life begins now, not centered on striving,
not based on achieving the ‘look at me’,
but just on hanging on and never letting go
of the free spirit that guides my soul.

08/29/2024

The last post may have been misleading. I am not dying. In fact the doc thinks he got it all; however it had spread to two lymp[h nodes. There is a possibility that there may have been some seeding. As a prefautionary measure I have been referred to the cancer clinc for follow up. It may require chemo but no radiation. I am in good hands.

08/29/2024

Just two weeks ago I was diagnosed with stage three cancer. Immediately after a colonoscopy my surgent scheduled an MRI then told me there was a huge tumour in my large intestine that was on the verge of bursting that would result in sudden and painful death. I was scheduled for major surgery three days later. I am still recovering. Since I have arrived at the final stages of my own life, I no longer fear death, nor do I welcome it. I choose to dance with it.

Dance with Death

Having given all and left nothing in the arena,
I wait for my heart to stop.
I let my struggling mind slip into unconsciousness.
I release my tortured body to give up its will to survive.

Having only the desire to stand up one last time,
I reject the rhythm of the unknown drummer.
I reject the solitude of the silence of the dark.
I refuse to close my mind to its fear and striving.
I refuse to seal up my heart and run away and hide.
I choose to dance the dance of my own soul.
I let my feet flow with the rhythm of my own music.

The dance comes on the wings of violence.
It begins with the girding up of loins,
by taking up the sword of truth,
by facing the monsters of the mind,
matching blow for blow, breath for breath,
smashing Disillusionment, laughing at Fear,
meeting Self-Hatred with righteous anger,
disarming the Black Knight of Nothingness.

Then the dance seeks its own rhythm.
There, in the moment of defeat and surrender,
I dance, and I dance, and I dance
to the rhythm of the beating of my own heart.

There, in the moment of defeat and surrender,
I dance, and I dance, and I dance
moving my feet to the eternal beat
that guides my soul along the golden path of life.

07/29/2024

From my new book, Older but Wiser

I tried to convince myself that I deserved one more shot at happiness. After all, I still might have a third of my life ahead of me. It was time to leave the past behind and to live, not just to live, but to really live. I decided I would live my life just for myself, nurturing my own passions and talents. I looked for a place to relax, enjoy the small things of life, and pursue my lifelong passion for writing. I wanted to explore the meaning of life and the purpose of my existence. I made a break from my home and family, sold or gave away everything I owned, packed two suitcases, and headed for a mountain village under a live volcano in Costa Rica. I arrived at San Jose airport. The great adventure had begun. I journaled all my experiences in poetry.

The Little Parrots

They have come back, the little parrots,
to the hills of Costa Rica,
laughing and squawking,
darting through the colors
between the clouds,
little joyous balls of flying feathers,
flickering greens and touches of red,
moving in one accord, up and down
and around and back down again,
making the sound of children at play
when they are between laughing and crying.

Oh to laugh again like that,
to flit and fly
and bounce off molecules of air
in search for the next piece of sky
that brings the laughter of life.

Where did it go,
the energy that I used to have
when I was so closely connected
to the parrots, the sun, the rain, the trees,
the wind that caressed my face,
the feeling of my own muscles rippling in tune
as I outraced all the forces of good and evil?
Where did it go, that song of the hunt,
the song of the search for the next moment
that could transcend all cares and fears
and ties that bind?

Somewhere, somehow, I have come apart,
lost all my connections
between thoughts and movement,
love of SELF and delight in kisses and hugs
with maidens who wooed and longed
like I wooed and longed
to join together in the ceremonial dance
of the expression of who we were
and how we loved.

It’s as though I have been taken apart
piece by piece, year by year, love by love,
disintegrating those sources of energy,
throwing them a kilter,
smothering them with responsibilities
to nothing but the responsibility,
meaningless toil and suppression,
extinguishing the life force of my being,
feet first, up through the ge****ls,
through the core of where my heart should be,
up through my head into what used to be
the boundless quest of my spirit,
so that each and all were detached,
fragments, just memories,
soul that once lived and felt,
mind that once knew more than despair,
a heart that knew how to love.

Oh, I shall fly again. Indeed, I shall fly
like my green, red-headed friends.
I too shall learn to bring back
all the dancing lights and restore them
to the power and color they once knew.

Yes, I shall fly again,
my spirit soaring, piercing the night sky
with its own delicious brand of light.
This time I shall fly higher and farther
than I have ever flown before
for I shall combine the wisdom of age
with the knowledge this may be my last flight
and the power of knowing who I really am.

07/17/2024

From my just released book, Older but Wiser. Retirement is sometimes very difficult especially when you put your heart and soul into your career. My heart and mind were no longer in my career. I took an early retirement at the age of fifty-eight. MY retirement celebration day finally came. It was an emotional event. I just wanted my colleagues, my daughter, and a few friends there. I sang a farewell song, The River, by Garth Brooks:

‘You know a dream is like a river
ever changing as it flows,
and the dreamer’s just the vessel,
that must follow as it goes.’

I was determined to start a new life with new dreams, but first I had to say good-bye to those special people who will always be in my mind and heart. I wrote this poem for the occasion:

Farewell

Goodbye to you, my brothers and sisters.
This room where we worked,
laughed and cried, and had our being,
is again the place for the parting of friends.
This place where we watched each other blossom,
nurturing and molding and pushing each other
to be the best we could be,
has been the place of lovers and dreamers.

And so we have indeed dreamt
for ourselves, for one another,
and for the ones we have nurtured,
becoming bonded together with them
with the glue that will always stick
to our hearts and souls.

And now I know nothing will be the same again.
It never is.
It was never meant to be.
When I leave this room,
the closeness will disappear
into our dying past.

Armed and ready to face the brave new world alone,
I say good-bye
wearing my bright new clothes,
and putting on my bright new face,
leaving behind my old drab self
in order to embrace my new self.

Good-bye friends,
may our days be blessed.
May we raise a glass of wine
from time to time
and drink a toast to the memory
of special days gone by.

07/14/2024

From my book Older but Wiser. I felt old and tired. All my life I had ignored the need to take care of myself. My fight against the odds that said a boy on welfare with a single parent mother with nine children could not make it in this world had taken its toll. My lifetime had taught me to dig in, hold on, and fight for my existence. I had learned to survive in the present by ignoring the negative aspects of the past while hiding in the hopes for a better future. It was time for a new beginning. With the past buried and no future in sight, it was time to live in the present. I overcame my medical condition and went back to work for two years just to prove I could do it. In those final years of my career, I fought hard to conquer my emotional exhaustion and find a new reason to keep on living.

A New Song

The rain is drumming.
The skies chant a sad song.
I hum along.
I search for the right lyrics,
something from my soul’s desire for life
to counter my heart’s desire for death.

Together they create a profound duet.
I begin to understand what I feel.
Each time my heart feels torn again,
and I reexperience a searing sensation
that sends shivers through my body,
I will sing this sad song.
It is a sad song but a good song.
It is the song of my soul:

‘It’s Okay to be me today
to breathe the sadness away.
It’s okay to be me today
to breathe the sadness away.

Come my heart it’s time to play
that tune that was always there.
It’s time to stop and break away
From the pain too hard to bear.

‘It’s Okay to be me today
to breathe the sadness away.
It’s okay to be me today
to breathe the sadness away.

It’s okay to be me today
to sense that I am still alive.
It’s okay to be me today
to proclaim I will survive.’

‘It’s Okay to be me today
to breathe the sadness away.
It’s okay to be me today
to breathe the sadness away.

It’s okay to me today….

Bi-Ed: Bisexual Education

11/21/2024

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