Rogue Spirit Birth Keeper

02/27/2020

01/19/2020

I'm not here to make friends. I just want you to ask questions....

**e

Yes, I actually do mean this in all sincerity.• Industrial obstetrics, if we examine its institutional procedures, (and I include regulated midwifery within this rubric), absolutely possesses all the characteristics of a cult, according to most sociological definitions of what “cult” means: First of all, it is is fundamentally arranged around deviant practices. From the moment a woman enters the doors of the hospital, she is exposed to aberrant, inhumane, and abusive treatment. • Take for example, the digital r**e that most birthing women are subjected to, by strangers who tell her that this act is not only necessary but beneficial (which is untrue and incorrect, according to the biological realities of physiological birth). This experience of digital r**e, and the insistence on the ritual of coercive “consent” prior to the act, is one of the ways that women are systematically disoriented, hazed, and prepared for the continued violations to come as her birth process proceeds. • The combination of the humiliating shock of having our vaginas—the most intimate space of our bodies—desecrated, with the constant societal and media reinforcement of the practic (almost every woman goes through it!) to the degree that society at large has come not only to accept but to *expect* that women will submit to this form of torture as an inevitability, is a central facet of the religious denomination (and domination) of obstetrics, and represents one of the core “devotional practices” of the cult. • Other core rituals include submitting to the macabre, harmful, and statistically useless surveillance of our infants through the use of ultrasound and Doppler technology—another practice that has been normalized, and to which we have, as a society, also become inured. • From the ceremonial cutting of our ge****ls, to the corresponding (and usually equally unnecessary and/or harmful) sewing up of our vaginas, to the liturgy that is the temporary kidnapping of our babies in order to sever and destroy the all-powerful first primal encounter......(continued below! Check the link in my profile and join our list to get in on ’s Radical Birth Keeper School!)

12/13/2019

Your body knows how to give birth.

12/09/2019

11/14/2019

I don't know who needs to hear this...
But your Dr cares more about his paycheck than your health.
RESEARCH ACCORDINGLY.

10/06/2019

But what if!?!

Right.

But what if you fall down your stairs?
But what if you get hit by a car?
But what if you fall out of bed?

I'm sorry society has used the media and skewed your view of true RISK.

Statistics do NOT support hospital birth. And neither does physiology.

10/04/2019

October is a month to remember infant loss. To commemorate those babies who arent in arms. To remember the space left by little souls.

i wasnt sure i would share this. But I will.

Here is part of my soul.

I spent last night in labour. HARD labour. I knew there would be no baby, because months ago we saw our little one without a heart beat, they had stopped growing at about 9 weeks.

I carried this tiny body within me until last night, for 34 weeks. My belly didnt grow, but my HCG was still high enough to test 'positive', and this miniature human still appeared in ultrasound pictures.

I wasnt ready to let go.

Even last night I imagined a miracle, that I would emerge from the shower with a tiny crying baby, who had somehow hidden all this time. (My husband told me this morning he had imagined the same)

There was no miracle. Only pain. And blood. And tears. And the pain of going through labour without the 'prize' of a baby multiplies it so many times over.

This is the reality for 1 in 4.

Be gentle.

Our fertility journey is very personal, please on behalf of every woman, give space for us to tell our stories, but don't push for answers about our family's size, it hurts, and often isnt our choice.

10/03/2019

09/06/2019

Again tonight I saw another thread of nurses making fun of birth plans.

It usually starts with a legitimately funny joke about birth plans, or funny original birth plan.

And then it devolves into the stuff that scares me to death--a bunch of nurses publicly making jabs at the plans women make about giving birth, in a country where unsafe maternity care practices are the norm these women are trying to escape, and where respect for their choices and bodies is... a joke.

http://birthmonopoly.com/plans/

08/29/2019

I rant ALOT about the harm caused by unnecessary interventions. I'm passionate about birth NOT being a medical event. This does NOT mean It is never called for, or shouldnt be an option. Because life doesnt always go as planned, and there are certainly times when 'extra' help really is called for.

A birthing story --
Today I spent the day in the hospital. But this is how today began.

In march, I had a positive pregnancy test. I applied for a midwife and got one! I went to my first appt, everything was good. At easter time, I began spotting. It didnt stop, but it wasnt much, just spotting.

Finally, about 6 weeks later, at the end of may I asked for an ultrasound, because I had never had bleeding during pregnancy before, outside of loss.

At this point it was the end of May and I was '17 weeks pregnant'. Baby measured 9 weeks, and had no heartbeat. I told my midwife I was ok to wait it out, and about 2 weeks later or so I had cramping and bleeding. So I felt it might be done and told my midwife this.

About a month later, I realized I was nauseous, and had no signs of my period (and would be about a week 'late' at this point). So I took a pregnancy test. Positive. But faint, which was odd if I was in fact a week past, since normally my tests show up dark and undeniable at 5 days BEFORE my cycle is due.

So 2 days later I took another, no darker but still positive. I still didnt REALLY trust it. So 2 days later (thank you dollar store) I took another, another faint positive.

At this point I talked again with my midwife that I *may* be pregnant again, because of the positive tests. So we met again, on august 6th. That night I had cramping again with large clots, so I emailed her that if I WAS pregnant I didnt think I was anymore, and that was that.
Fast forward to sunday. Cramping and large clots AGAIN. Odd. Maybe i hadn't completed my miscarriage.

Then last night, Tuesday, I bled, again, LOTS, my husband commented that perhaps someone had been murdered in my bath water, and this morning, even MORE, with clots the size of my fist that wouldnt seem to stop. I was dizzy and faint and nauseous.

We drove to emerg. They prepped me for a blood transfusion, and did an ultrasound to confirm what was going on. 'RPOC' Retained products of conception. A term quickly becoming my least favourite. My baby was still there. This is about 21 weeks after 'fetal demise' and my body and my heart could not take it anymore. So I discussed my 'options' with the on call doctor, then again with the Early Pregnancy Loss Clinic, and decided that misoprostal was the route I was willing to take, and that I will work on naturally boosting my iron levels rather than have the transfusion (my levels show as low, but not dangerously)

Misoprostal is an artificial prostaglandin that will make the uterus contract, therefore opening the cervix. The nurse asked if I was sure I was ok with it and I told her 'as much as I dont like it, I dont like my current situation either. So yes. I am willing.'
I was given a ceramic heart as a memorial, to keep in my purse.

Today was hard. But today I am thankful for intervention, because sometimes, when WE decide, it really is warranted.

**a side note, the 'I am 1 in 4' quote, that is all over social media right now is not entirely correct. 1 in 4 PREGNANCIES end in loss, that means that far more than 1 in 4 women experience at least one, know that you are not alone.**

08/23/2019

🤷‍♀️

08/22/2019

On August 23, 2007 at 2 30 AM, a new mama was born, when Kyra Lee came earthside in a whirlwind.

But August 22, 2007 (39 + 4) was a journey of birthing her, and this how her story began... on Rainbow Baby Day, my first 🌈rainbow baby🌈.

**There is parts of this birth story that are fuzzy and faded, and I may come back and edit as I think of more details, I've never written this out before.**

At 5 am or so Aaron left for work, he was driving equipment an hour north, instead he went to his parents for a nap, since I hadn't been feeling well and he didnt sleep much the night before... when I woke up about 9 am i called and woke him up. I was 'leaking'. Pretty sure my water is broken and i think that means you should come home.

So by 11 am we walked over to the hospital in town, they swabbed with an amnio-stick to check if it was my water, negative, let's wait a couple min and try again, negative.

When baby is coming you're supposed to walk, so we did. Aaron needed a criminal record check, for college that started in 2 weeks, so we walked to the police station. Then we walked to get some groceries. Then we walked for the mail. The whole time every 15 min or so I would have a 'tightening' it didnt hurt, but enough to notice, and every single time I'd leak some more.

2 pm ish.We walked back to the hospital in town. I'm SURE it's my water. It hasnt stopped leaking, it smells 'sweet', it's clear, more comes with every tightening. Swab again. Negative. O! These are expired! Let's try one from this new pack! (Still expired, but less so at least 🤷‍♀️) negative. BUT if you're still concerned maybe go into the city and get them to check it out.

4 pm or so. We drove to the city. Checked in, leaking and painless tightening every 10 min or so the whole way. Let's swab again. Negative. 'O hunny no need to be embarrassed, you're probably just peeing yourself'. No. It's my water. So a student comes in and says I'll tell you what, I'll swab 1 more time, and check under the microscope, and tell you for SURE what it is. Perfect. Swab again. Negative. I'll be right back to check on a slide. He comes back almost DANCING. I've NEVER seen this before!!! Amniotic fluid looks like little Christmas trees on the slide and your water is DEFINITELY broken! 6 negatives! That's UNHEARD of!! How did you know???
Seriously? My body. I may not have given birth before, but I still know how it functions.

So. Because we dont know exactly WHEN it broke, just sometime in the night, come back at 11 pm and we will induce you, since you are GBS + and if your water is broken for more than 24 hours your baby will die. (🤣🤣🤦🏼‍♀️ hindsight is 20/20. Idiots)

we went to Aaron's parents condo, where his siblings lived. I ate an entire pizza to myself. Repacked the diaper bag. Tried to lay down and rest. Back to the hospital.

My nurse asked me what I was having, a girl, but shhhh we never told anyone. 'I've been doing this for 28 years, you're so tiny! I'd put money on your baby being under 6 lbs!' At about 11 30 pm they came to insert cervadil. I'm 'at a zero, MAYBE 50% effaced' So we called my mom and told her I was being induced, and it might take a while but maybe start driving into the city.
At 12, my contractions were 1 on top of each other, by 12 15 am Aaron was back on the phone with mom begging her to hurry up because otherwise she might miss the birth. I was writhing and screaming and crying, begging for an epidural, the nurse told me to 'suck it up, it doesnt even hurt yet, you have at least another 12 hours to go, no point in getting anything yet'.
my mom arrived.
My water exploded maybe around 1 30 am, and the nurse reluctantly agrees to check my cervix. Her eyes get big and she runs out of the room for the resident. I'm 'at an 8'. No wonder it hurts so bad! 1st time moms dont dialate THIS fast! Again. I TOLD you. My body, dont treat me like I dont know.
They throw me in a wheelchair and RACE me to labour and delivery, screaming all the way, I HATE sitting, it's awful.
It's ok, the anesthesiologist is here, sit still, lean over this pillow, dont move, there, needle is in I'll just go grab the medication, lay back down, in about 45 min you wont feel a thing!
So I lay back down and they check me again. 10 cm. Do you want to push?? YES!! I was telling you this the whole time you were stabbing me in the back!
About 10 min and 3 or 4 pushes later(as she crowned...the nurse, 'o look at all that hair! She could have pig tails already. That is IF it's a girl' 🙊) , 2 30 am and 18 year old me became mama to a perfect little girl, 8 lbs 3 oz, with a folded over ear.
Then a nurse walked in with a bag of epidural meds and hooked me up anyway, so I wouldnt feel my 3 stitches, and the torture of getting the epidiral wouldnt be all for nothing.

Looking back, this was likely the start of my skepticism of the medical field, realizing that their trying to put birth in a box, arguing with a birthing mother, about her own body, was ridiculous, and frustrating. And so SO common.

08/18/2019

Birth keeper. Space holder. Support.

08/17/2019

**e

08/13/2019

A world where birthing women come before liability and the convenience of those who are claiming to 'support' them.

07/05/2019

The rate of maternal death is almost five times higher after a C-section than after a vaginal delivery, specially in women over 35 years of age.

06/04/2019

Today.
I mourn. I hold a disappearing belly. One that was growing and held a promise for the future only days ago.
Today.
I cry. Silent tears because I have to be strong for my girls. And because no one knew you. Or held you. Like I did.
Today.
I bleed. And say goodbye. Before i ever said hello. Before i ever held you in my arms. Before i ever kissed your face.

05/13/2019

The most important thing that modern medicine and 'science' has taken from us is our intuition.

We train our children, nearly from birth, to push down the things their body tells them they need or want. Not to listen to their inner cues, because someone outside themselves told them not to.

Our instincts are amazing things, every cell in our bodies has memories of generations that came before us, and if we learn to listen, to 'go with our gut', there is so SO much that we just KNOW. Things that cant be studied, or replicated, so your drs and teachers refuse to listen, since it isnt what their textbooks say, so you must be wrong.

Quantum physics is finally catching up to this though, so maybe some day, so will the rest of the world. It is slowly being recognized that our very cells really DO carry more than just the physical matter we are made up of, this is why organ recipients take on traits and even preferences of their donors, they hold memories!

As mothers, we need to hold tight to our instincts, our intuition, ESPECIALLY in the realm of birth, only we know the ins and outs of OUR births, and no outside test or observation will ever come close to the depth of knowing we have when it comes to bringing our babies earthside. Do not EVER let any dr, or ANYONE for that matter, tell you that you dont know what you are feeling, or what your baby needs from you, no amount of sitting in school can teach them about the life you have grown inside your body, the way your baby has taught you every moment of its life.

05/07/2019

The room full of doctors erupted in "raucous laughter".

03/04/2019

Try something like 'I'm SO sorry you had to go through that' instead...

02/02/2019

The sad state of 'modern' birth.

While I'm soap-boxing about midwifery topics, I'd love for you guys to consider these two images.

Two healthy mamas, each with two healthy babies. No big deal really, except that in both of these cases, one of the babies belonging to each mother was a complete surprise at birth - an unexpected twin.

One set of twins was born at home, with a midwife. The mother of these twins chose to decline ultrasounds, and measured consistently with what she thought were correct dates.

One set of twins was born in a hospital, under obstetric care. This mother elected to have all offered scans, which failed to detect a second baby. She also measured consistently with her dates.

Both pregnancies resulted in the birth of a completely unexpected second baby.

Guess which caregiver was investigated, had her office raided, and had her registration to practice suspended, without even so much as a phone interview with the mother involved? (I'll give you a hint - it wasn't an obstetrician).

If you ever wanted to get a feel for the chilly climate surrounding Independent Midwifery right now, here's your evidence.

Two scenarios, with the exact same outcome (after which the midwife in the homebirth setting transferred the babies and mother to a hospital setting for assessment, as any responsible practitioner would do).

Two competent practitioners, caught by surprise, who cared for two mothers to birth their babies safely as best they could.

Yet only one practitioner was scrutinised, suspended and REMAINS suspended three months after the event. I read today that the midwife involved has now elected to surrender her registration entirely, after being left in limbo for so long - with her business severely compromised, and her personal reputation in tatters.

Same care, same "mistake", completely different set of consequences.

The political climate for midwives outside of the hospital setting right now is nothing short of toxic...

If you've ever wondered why we rally, and why we petition, and why we get so passionate about the midwifery role, this situation might give you a glimpse into the challenges faced by midwives out there, working in the community.

Vexatious (usually unsubstantiated) reporting, being forced to work under supervision, being asked to jump through hoops, time and time again to prove their worth, and ticking more boxes than hospital midwives ever need to consider - all to provide the specific, patient-centred care that their women request.

I used to dream of working independently. Now, the thought of even trying feels like some kind of a nightmare.

The aim of the game is, and always has been, healthy mothers and healthy babies.

Yet, all around, there's a battle waging, and it's getting uglier by the day.

We can all do better. We NEED to do better. This s**t just isn't right.

Big love,

Rysie.

Photo credit to Vannessa Brown Photography for the black and white image (bottom), and to Ten Moons Homebirth Service for the coloured image (top). Apologies for the delay in crediting the photographers - I didn't actually expect my post to be seen... 😳

Edited to add: since posting this yesterday, I've had contact with the hospital mama, who informs me that the ultrasound tech in her case was reprimanded and briefly suspended before returning to practice. As in the case of the homebirthing mama, the hospital mama was not contacted by any hospital, obstetrician or governing body to discuss the case - despite the case being discussed at professional conferences later.

This further highlights to me that these lovely women haven't been considered to be significant stakeholders in their own care or outcomes by the bodies that govern maternity practice. Despite the place of birth, and the choice of caregiver, both mothers appear to have been overlooked completely in the aftermath.

Women centred care? Is this it??

Further edited to add some clarity around the details of the homebirth, and the ruckus around the prematurity of the babies (details provided by the midwifery practice caring for the family)
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=609699892819521&id=579385162517661

And a final little edit relating to this post itself, from someone who never, ever would have expected to go viral, and has learned a few lessons in the past day or so:
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1031313840393732&id=742762879248831

01/26/2019

01/17/2019

Whoa.

12/29/2018

Morning thoughts and ramblings --

When I tell my youngest's unassisted birth story, almost without fail it is met with 'but she was your fifth! So of course you could do it.' Followed by an explanation of why they couldnt.

This frustrates me. Looking back, I wish I'd known with my first what I know now, so I wouldn't have had to learn the hard way, and suffer abuse at the hands of 'medical professionals' in order to gain the confidence and understanding that birth is in no way a medical emergency, usually until those same professionals create one.

FEAR. I was lied to. I was told over and over and over, from the moment my belly started to swell with growing my first, that labour and delivery was to be the most awful and terrifying event of my life, and I wouldn't be able to handle it and I'd wish for death, but the only reason it would be worth it was the baby I'd have to show for it. And it was. But it didnt have to be. If I hadn't been lied to, if I'd had access to REAL support, reminding me at every turn that my body is AMAZING and birth is like breathing, that my body would know what to do, I believe could have skipped the trauma and fear and pain. Even with my first! And so could you!

Women need women, wise women, encouragers and supporters. Women need to be reminded that they are NOT broken, that their bodies can and WILL take perfect care of their babies. We need to fight a system put in place whose mantra is 'you cant do it', that holds the world captive and has brainwashed the masses like a dangerous cult. We need to help educate every mother, ESPECIALLY first time mothers, that there is another, better way.

**edit to add**
I am NOT calling for every birth to be unassisted, I am however calling for every mother to educate themselves in physiological birth, and question every step along the way that directly attacks that process. Mainstream medicine needs earth-shattering change in the realm of birth, and we need to push for it.

10/07/2018

Can we talk about society's obsession with telling expectant mothers horror stories.
STOP!!! You are actively HARMING that baby.

09/21/2018

When you hear the phrase 'prenatal care' what do you think of?

And in your experience, does it leave you feeling 'cared for'??