Forty Two Decisions

10/30/2021

How are you spending Halloween? Navigating holidays post divorce/separation can be difficult for some co-parents. Here are some tips for navigating Halloween so everyone can enjoy the holiday.

1. Trick or treat together. If you and your co-parent are amicable and can come together for the night, this gives you both the chance to share in this holiday together.

2. Split the day. If you are like me Halloween isn't my favourite holiday. Perhaps carving pumpkins and attending a Halloween function at school is more your thing, and your co-parent can have the trick or treating portion.

3. Start new Halloween traditions. Trick or treating isn't everyone's cup of tea. Creating new traditions on your day might be a new alternative, going to a pumpkin patch, pumpkin carving, or visiting a haunted house.

4. Alternate with your co-parent. If you want to spend Halloween with your child and cannot find anyway around it consider alternating years.
A gentle reminder that Halloween is for the kids, put them first.

-parent -parenting

10/30/2021

Blog post from I Do, I Did, And I'm Not Done

If only I learned the art of pausing before responding.

How many times have you received a text or an email that makes your blood boil? You begin furiously typing back a response because really, how dare they? I HAVE to respond. If I don't, they think they can walk all over me!

I can't count the number of emotional filled responses I have sent over the years. I couldn't leave things alone. I didn't know how to pause before responding. I regret probably more than half of them. That's the honest truth. Once it is sent, you can't take it back.

When I think back to some of the things that, in the moment, sent me into a flying rage, I laugh at them today. How could I have let that bother me? It seems so insignificant now. That's the thing with giving it time. We don't stay stuck in our emotions. We eventually have the power to choose our responses wisely.

Have you heard the expression "radio silent"? My dear friend has tried so hard over the years to get me to become radio silent on specific issues. She'd say "if it's not about the kids, radio silent!" I texted my ex daily in the beginning. There was always something I needed to say. I had no boundaries; I continued to get hurt. I sent messages and often received no responses. Those are the worst!

I wish I had taken my friend’s advice sooner and more often. We all need boundaries; we need to pause. Not everything needs an immediate response from us. Sometimes the most powerful response is no response at all.

Here's a couple strategies I've learned:

- Find a good friend who will listen. I have a friend who told me to text her with what I would say to him instead of sending it to him. This is a great therapeutic strategy.

- Put your phone down and walk away. Do something else before responding.

- Journal it out. Write that stuff out.

- Be kind to yourself when you mess up. We are all going to screw up from time to time and let our emotions take over.

- My ex and I even learned the "I got your message, but need some time to respond" response. It's respectful in that it acknowledges the other person but gives you time to consider what you are going to say.

Trust me when I say I still struggle with the pause all the time. It's a work in progress.

10/12/2021

I love this visual. As a family mediator understanding what lies under the issues can be extremely beneficial in facilitating positive outcomes in mediation.

When we understand why something is important it can alter our perspective. If we just battle out the issues without understanding what is driving it we can remain stuck.

Understanding is key.

09/20/2021

Effective March 1, 2021 the words "custody" and "access" in the Divorce Act were repealed and replaced with "decision-making responsibility" for a child and "parenting time".

They also included a broader definition of family violence. Family violence does not need to be a criminal offense nor proven beyond a reasonable doubt, but rather on the civil buffer of proof, based on a balance of probabilities.

The Divorce Act confirmed that the "best interests of the child" is the only consideration to be taken into account when determining parenting orders.

For more information on the changes and a complete list of factors to consider when determining a child's best interest go to

https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/cfl-mdf/fam.html

-makingresponsibility

09/16/2021

Are you struggling with ongoing conflict? Trouble in the office with a co-worker, family conflict, or an argument with a friend? Find out how intrapersonal mediation coaching can help.

09/14/2021

What I'm reading. 📖

If you're looking to become a better negotiater, without old school strong arming tactics, read this.

Learn how asking the right questions, listening, and building relationships can lead you to successful, positive negotiation outcomes.

These strategies can be helpful for business, family dynamics, sales, friendships, separation, and more.

09/14/2021

09/13/2021

Not sure if you should try mediation, here's a few top reasons why people choose to mediate.

✨ It can be a quicker process than going to court once you've agreed on the items and have a signed mediation agreement.

✨ It costs a lot less.

✨ You get a mediator of your choosing. The mediator is a neutral party who supports both the individuals to reach an agreement they are satisfied with.

✨ Mediation gives you alot of control over the process. You decide things like, what documents you have to share, how you share them, and when. You can meet your mediator when your schedule allows, you can decide (if you have a lawyer) if they join your mediation sessions.

✨ Mediation can be less risky than court, you have more control over the outcomes. A judge is not making decisions for you.

✨It's private and confidential.

Contact us today to learn more about mediation and if it's the right fit for you.

09/12/2021

09/12/2021

09/12/2021

Co-parenting or parallel parenting, which one are you? Have you considered which process would be best for you and your family? Share your experience with either, tell us why it works for you.