08/05/2015
You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
C. S. Lewis
I am starting my journey at the age of 60! Five years ago, while vacationing with friends in NFLD, we hiked the Gross Morne - I was so out of shape I had to take many breaks to catch my breath.My heart was pounding so hard I seriously thought it would literally jump out of my chest. I couldn't keep up. I kept looking back at the ocean wondering how I was going to do this? Our target was to get OVER the mountain back to the other side where our car was parked. It was steep climbing, and there was only one way out, one shared trail up and down, which I had to do using my own two legs. Impossible to be airlifted out....or carried out - I weigh 200 lbs - so I HAD to do it. Well, I had to put one foot in front of the other, and walk up that damned trail. It's amazing what your body and mind can do when put in a tough situation like this. Blistered, burning feet, chafed thighs OMG they hurt so bad, sore hips, back shoulders, neck. I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. We met people my husband knew - fit, laughing, chatting about what a joy this trail was to walk...I stepped back and hid behind my husband, head hanging low. So very ashamed. What was I doing out here? I was a fake, a fraud. I didn't belong on this trail with all of those happy healthy, slimmer people. I felt so ashamed that I had Iet myself go like this! I sat down and cried. What was I going to do now? I felt unworthy. I apologized for holding our friends back..I just kept apologizing and said I would stay behind and wouldn't go on the next hike. I was crying on the inside, while trying to keep it together on the outside. Tough sell! How can you love your husband when you don't even love yourself? How can you be a good role model for your children when what you see in the mirror causes you to withdraw /detach from life?
But on that day, on that mountain, I swore I would get into better shape and go back and conquer that trail like nobody's business...FIVE YEARS LATER, (yes I lied to and cheated myself for another five years because my shame was so great I had to eat to forget.)
I've re-assessed - TODAY the lying stops, the cheating (with food) stops. Today. Do you want to hear more about my journey? Check back tomorrow.