11/09/2024
THREE WAYS TO CULTIVATE MORE SELF-COMPASSION
Many people are brought up always to be kind to others. But how many of us were taught to be kind to ourselves? Self-compassion, or self-love, can often seem like a foreign concept, particularly to those raised in an abusive or unloving home.
Self-compassion and self-love are not to be confused with arrogance or conceit, which usually indicate a lack of self-love. Self-compassion has nothing to do with faux superiority and everything to do with being kind and gentle with oneself. It allows us to treat ourselves as we do our greatest loved ones. Instead of harshly judging ourselves for personal shortcomings, we can give ourselves unconditional love and acceptance.
WHY IS SELF-COMPASSION IMPORTANT?
Over the last decade, research has shown a correlation between self-compassion and overall psychological well-being. Self-compassion helps us recognize the difference between making a bad choice and being bad. It also helps us have more significant connections with others and less depression, anxiety, and fear of failure.
A lack of self-compassion can affect our personal and romantic relationships. How we treat ourselves is typically an indicator of how we let others treat us. The less love and compassion we have for ourselves, the more likely we are to end up in abusive and dysfunctional relationships. But when we have self-compassion, we are less likely to depend on others to validate our self-worth or “complete us.”
HERE ARE THREE WAYS YOU CAN BEGIN PRACTICING SELF-COMPASSION:
1. TREAT YOURSELF AS YOU WOULD A SMALL CHILD
You would never treat a small child the way you may sometimes treat yourself. You wouldn’t call a child “stupid” for making a poor decision. And you certainly wouldn’t tell them they are unlovable and “I will wind up alone forever.”
Treating yourself with such kindness initially may be difficult because you are not used to it. But in those moments, decide to treat yourself as you would a child and much progress will be made.
2. PRACTICE MINDFULNESS
Self-criticism is a mental habit. To replace self-criticism with self-compassion, we must practice Mindfulness.
When caught up in that harmful noise and mind chatter, stop, take a deep breath, and refocus your thoughts on something more positive about yourself. What qualities do you like about yourself? What have you done recently that you feel proud about? It can be anything, “I am always on time” or “I made the cashier smile.”
When you have negative thoughts, do not chastise yourself for having them. Thank those negative thoughts and tell them you no longer need them, then send them on their way to make room for positivity.
3. ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE HUMAN
Self-compassion is about being okay with our humanity. It’s essential to recognize that being human means being flawed, and that’s okay. You and the rest of the world have imperfections in common.
Give yourself permission to make mistakes and accept yourself, warts and all. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how much lighter and happier you will feel.
While learning self-compassion is incredibly important, cultivating new thoughts and behavioural patterns is not always easy. As a therapist, I can provide the support, encouragement, and guidance you need to help you make these positive changes in your life.
If you or a loved one has struggled with being kind to yourself and wants to speak to someone about getting rid of this litany of negative chatter and learn about self-compassion and how to begin to incorporate it into your life, then feel free to contact me to arrange an appointment today.
Together, finding solutions.
