02/11/2024
Good morning 💛 I wanted to share a bit of my journey in real time. 😊
I have been struggling the past couple of weeks. So much has happened; so much so that when I look back, when I can see the moments, I can see the ones that culminated to create the 'perfect storm' such as yesterday's experience.
I've had them before. I know that there is a pattern; a lesson to be discovered, to be experienced differently, attended to, and healed.
First and foremost, I 'lost in the physical' someone who was so special to me; someone who always showed up for me in a big way... in the best way... and me for him... supporting one another and sharing pieces of our individual lifelong journeys. LoVe at its finest... unconditional and ego-less. I will miss mostly his kind, gentle, smile that offered the purest of loves. He always hugged as though it was the last hug on earth. I know that he will be with me always; to assist me; as I move forward.
That was Monday and nearly just the beginning.
My dog passed in my arms a week ago. I loved him so and am grateful for all that he gave to me. He was right there, by my side for so many moments of laughter and tears. And. He saved me from a break-in to my home. That is everything.
A co-worker lost her struggle and moved back into the comfort of her Soul Home to review her lifelong experiences; one that offered so many hope and support. She's kicking up a mean story filled with such laughter and the ultimate in storytelling experiences.
My close friend called to say that her sister was hit by a car and was not doing well. she comes first. because I would come first in her life. Her sister is okay, no worse for wear, but the experience will be with her for a long time. Space. She reminded me about Space and the importance of sitting with it in the moment.
Allowing all of this to settle on top of an already heartbreaking week or two 🫂 prior to, was taxing. Having lost too many; which seems like way too many, too much. One life is heartbreaking enough. The women that I work with, their lives are important. They were important. I know. I gave to them the love and respect that they so very much longed for. They gave me SO much more.
Did I give enough. Absolutely. I no longer question that. Spread peace love and joy wherever you go. My job is not to 'save' anyone. It's to connect and support. From a place of love ❤️ I can do that.
It's the 'extra extra something more' that depletes me.
TurTle Spirit 🐢
As I made my way through the week, I picked up, I moved forward, stopped, stepped up, picked up again, stopped, a breath, a reflection, a hug, conversations, stopped again to reflect... for what often felt like; blindly and forever, because as I see now... I stopped taking the breath.
The breath of life. Without it we would not exist.
There were many moments of sparkles of inspiration, JoY, and compassion; always through LoVe. that saw me through... it always does..
For this is my core ❤️
Until it doesn't. This is the opportunity to learn. I have worked diligently to take moments available for me to recover and reflect.. to draw from... and I have come to respect those moments.
Occasionally, I find it challenging to grasp those gentler moments within myself.
Yesterday. The cap blew off. The perfect storm.
And as I made my way through yesterday, I was filled with a deep tiredness that flowed throughout my veins. I finally surrendered to my capacity to hold.
It was in this space and completely out of my awareness that a friend/ peer sent a message to me. My breaking point.
This is connection; this IS how community is supposed to show up for one another. She (Celeste) trusted her intuitive gift. For this I am grateful✨️ I trust her gift.
And just like that 💛 a Magical & Angelic Calling stepped forward. She swooped in without any ego; presenting only LoVe and compassion for my well-being.
She asked if she could look into my chart to gain insight. To help me to find the light ✨️ in this dark area of doubt and darkness.
You see. As I reflected back, as I narrowed in on those types of experiences; I was able to see the whole of the experiences. The challenge. She helped me create a space where I could hold these emotions; these feelings.
I saw what I was feeling. Unheard. I felt what I was feeling in those moments. I had asked for space. Many times. This was only met with push-back. Guilt. Shame. Manipulation. Words were not heard or heeded... there was definitely no time to hold space for what i was experiencing... I was able to feel the past situations differently; for what they were. I don't get to own this. I will heal it... but ot is not mine to own. Just mine to accept.
I have a gift. Either you are with me or you are not. And that is okay. I know this.
Perspective.
I merely want to be heard. So often we listen without hearing what is being said... as a whole... listening and hearing, for me, is largely behind the scenes. What is the body saying? What is really being shared and why don't we believe it when someone tells us something important; when someone just wants to be heard. Perhaps because there is so much insignificant babble going on around us... all if the time. Often our own voices, or the voices of those around us are deafened.
That is where I resort back into me; to gather within that space and feel the silence of my own thoughts outside of the calamity.
Which brings me to TurTle SpiRit. I support the message that TurTle 🐢 wants to share with me.
Turtle teaches us to be determined and remain strong despite obstacles. To be calm in the face of adversary. To retreat when necessary.
I told people that I was at my limit. I asked them honestly & with humility. I bowed out of situations. I fled experiences. I remained balanced. But on the up-breath.. it grabbed a hold of me and I was brought back to a space where I have never rationally choose to end up. it often feels like drowning.
🐢 within TurTles perseverance we find great Wisdom, Strength and Courage. The Energy transmitted by TurTle's essence is a call for help; to those who are feeling a deep level of dis-couragement. TurTle Guides & EncourageS us to not give up so easily. (It doesn't feel easily. It feels like defeat).
"Your efforts are being meet and supported by Spirit. Spirit is proud." We experienced this during a recent session.
"You are unique and care deeply. ❤️ (from another peer). This IS your path. Not everyone will like you or get it. That's okay. They are not for you anyhow."
Thursday, after a long and emotionally draining day, I felt my heart palpating as my energy roared through my veins.
I knew that I needed to be gentle and kind to myself. 🙄 Bound up in my own sensitivity.
I am okay. Better than that.
I took the greater part of yesterday to mend and heal. To fill up my bowl once again. It did begin with one kind, amazing person listening outside the box, to what was not written or spoken. I am grateful Celeste. I have such respect for your work and insight.
The greatest opportunity, for me at this time, is to create that ever flowing source of energy that has the capability of supporting ✨️ and encouraging... not 'even when' but especially when, life gets to be too much.
If you got too the end of this... mucho gracious ❤️ have an amazing day
