11/15/2025
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The Lymphatic System of a Griever 🌿 Post 3/30
📌 Sensitive Content Disclaimer
This series contains deeply personal stories, discussions of trauma, emotional pain, and lived experiences that may be triggering for some readers. Please take care of your heart as you read. If at any point you feel overwhelmed, step away, breathe, and return only when you feel grounded and supported.
This space is created with compassion, safety, and healing in mind. Nothing shared here is meant to retraumatize, but rather to bring understanding, connection, and light to the places we rarely speak about.
If you are currently struggling with your mental or emotional well-being, please reach out to a trusted healthcare professional, therapist, or support line in your area.
You are not alone. You are held, seen, and safe here.
“The Trauma That Stole the Woman Out of Me”
Tonight’s post is not easy to write.
It is one of the heaviest chapters of my life; the one that shaped the woman I became, and also the one that almost destroyed her.
In 2010, I was r***d by someone I trusted.
Someone I loved.
Someone I believed would protect me, not break me.
And yet, the moment that should never have happened became the moment that ended who I thought I was.
When it was over, he spat on me and said:
“I’ve had better s*x before.”
That sentence carved itself into my bones.
It rewired my nervous system.
It changed the way I breathed, the way I walked, the way I looked at my own reflection.
And the worst part is that I carried his words as if they were truth.
For years after that, I did not see myself as a woman.
I did not see myself as someone worthy of gentleness, affection, or safety.
My femininity felt stolen, ripped from me in a single moment that echoed for a decade.
What it did to my mental health
I lived in a body constantly braced for impact.
A body that didn’t trust touch.
A body that disconnected from itself so deeply that I could go months without recognising the person in the mirror.
I entered survival mode and never exited it.
My lymphatic system, the system that protects, clears, filters, and supports, collapsed under the weight of chronic fear.
My immune system weakened.
My hormones shut down.
My digestion froze.
My sleep was haunted.
Trauma doesn’t just wound the mind.
It reprograms the body.
It teaches your cells to expect pain.
It teaches your lymph to store what you cannot speak.
It teaches your nervous system that safety is a fantasy.
What it did to me as a female
I stopped dressing like myself.
I hid my body.
I avoided intimacy.
I avoided softness, beauty, and anything that reminded me I was a woman.
Because somewhere deep inside, a part of me believed:
“If I don’t look like a woman, maybe I won’t be hurt like one.”
This trauma robbed me of years of womanhood.
Not just s*xually, but emotionally, spiritually, hormonally, and physically.
It took me years to understand that:
🌿 His actions did not define my worth
🌿 His cruelty did not define my femininity
🌿 His violence did not define my future
🌿 And his words, those poisonous words, were never mine to carry
EDUCATION: Why Trauma Like This Disrupts Female Hormones
Severe trauma does not stay in the mind only.
It imprints itself on the endocrine system — the system that controls female hormones.
Here is what actually happens inside the body:
1. The body moves into survival mode
After extreme trauma, the brain activates the HPA axis (hypothalamus–pituitary–adrenal system).
This pushes the body into a permanent “fight or flight” state.
When the brain believes you are unsafe:
• Reproduction becomes non-essential
• Hormone production is put on hold
• The brain stops sending signals to the ovaries
This alone disrupts:
• estrogen
• progesterone
• testosterone
• FSH
• LH
2. Cortisol steals from progesterone
Chronic stress and fear cause the body to prioritise cortisol production above all else.
Cortisol and progesterone share the same building blocks, meaning the body sacrifices progesterone to keep you in survival mode.
Low progesterone leads to:
• PMS
• painful cycles
• irregular cycles
• anxiety
• insomnia
• estrogen dominance
3. Estrogen becomes dysregulated
Trauma increases inflammatory cytokines.
These interfere with estrogen detoxification in the liver.
This can lead to:
• mood swings
• migraines
• hot flashes
• vaginal dryness
• weight gain
• emotional numbness
• worsened autoimmune issues
4. Oxytocin shuts down
Oxytocin is the hormone of connection, bonding, intimacy, and safety.
After s*xual trauma, oxytocin release becomes disrupted.
This makes it hard to:
• feel close to others
• trust touch
• experience pleasure
• feel warmth or softness toward oneself
5. The lymphatic system becomes stagnant
Trauma freezes the breath and tightens the muscles around the diaphragm, pelvis, and abdomen.
This restricts lymphatic flow, worsening:
• inflammation
• hormonal imbalance
• fluid retention
• immune dysregulation
• detoxification
A stagnant lymph system makes a traumatized endocrine system even more unstable.
Why I share this
Because someone reading this tonight is still living in that place.
Still carrying a shame that does not belong to her.
Still punishing herself for what another person did.
Still believing she broke, when in reality, she survived what should have killed her.
This series is not just about grief.
It is about everything that shatters the lymphatic system, the nervous system, and the soul.
Tomorrow we keep going, layer by layer, truth by truth, until healing starts to breathe again.
