04/03/2025
Coming out of a meditation yesterday, I wrote:
"As we attune inwardly and come into a coherent state of inner presence, we can begin to sensitively attune with one another, simultaneously experiencing each other co-arising within ourselves and as distinct beings. When we practice relational attunement and group coherence from a foundation of inner presence saturated in living stillness, the creative intelligence of Life can incarnate into wider and deeper structures of conscious love through us. The group body matrix of inner and relational presence allows healing through the co-digestive potency flow of loving awareness from which collective wisdom can emerge."
Much of my life experience has guided me toward group attunement and guidance. It started as an intelligent core wound survival mechanism. I developed a deep sensitivity to the nervous systems in my family to track the group's well-being and determine my safety from the fear of my unknowing. I experimented with emotional expression to harmonize the group field, eventually discovering that artistic expression seemed to bring the most equilibrium and, therefore, more safety and belonging for me.
Later, this skill contributed to my ability to artistically collaborate, deeply feeling a group of musicians, singers, or actors and bringing my playing, voice, or expression in as a dynamic pulse of co-creating leadership that invited others into their excellence and fullness.
Although I had a lot of access to my inner creative flow, there continued to be many relational aspects of my psyche that were performing based on an outdated script of unsafety, rigidity, and control. Eventually, decades of adaptive inner protection, fragmented trauma energy, and suppressed life force started screaming at me for attention.
Over the last 10 years, I've faced, embraced, and loved into wholeness each wound, shadow, and fragment that has appeared. I've compassionately healed and integrated countless layers of personal, ancestral, and collective trauma back into the flow of my/our life stream.
I've resolved and healed trauma symptoms of C-PTSD and BPD from childhood sexual abuse and other physical and emotional traumas, along with many layers of ancestral trauma, adapting my protective skills of group attunement by learning to turn inward and tune in to the inner community of my bodyworld, bringing harmony to the core wound matrix of my life's history, transmuting it into a sacred portal of presence.
For many years, I became more of a hermit in the cave of my inner world, occasionally emerging to share the medicine I had crafted once I had determined its efficacy and allowed it to become a truly embodied offering. I've tended to ere on the side of caution in this regard, allowing myself first to integrate post-traumatic learning and wisdom for months, if not years, before offering it to others rather than creating a new course or workshop the moment I think something is healed.
I've continued to refine my gifts and medicine in group fields of relational presence. In the process, my group attunement, guidance, and creative leadership skills have refined and transformed, now infused with sovereign generativity that invites us into healthy interdependence, learning to explore, feel, and heal the collective nervous system of our shared humanity and embrace the emergent mystery of our unknowing, from which collective wisdom can illuminate us with the collective solutions, insights, and innovations we need to transform and thrive.
