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More on narcissism 🙂‍↕️One thing I've learnt that  held me back in life was my REACTION to events and circumstances that...
03/05/2026

More on narcissism 🙂‍↕️

One thing I've learnt that held me back in life was my REACTION to events and circumstances that used to trigger me.
I have always been someone who believes in justice and this naive mindset made me very easy to read; hence easy to trigger.

This was so because the people who perpetuated this abuse towards me, e.g my mom,some family members, exes etc all studied my patterns and knew exactly where to strike to get their desired results and they always won because unlike them, I didn't study my own patterns!
As a matter of fact, I believed that if I called you out on something once or twice, you didn't have to repeat the same mistake, so I gave many people the chance to hurt me over and over because of what we consider "the benefit of the doubt".

You see, narcissistic people know this too well! They will deliberately hurt you the first time and when you react or call their bu****it, they might immediately apologize to put you off track because you'd think they're accountable... unfortunately, that might be the first and last apology you might get because they've already set the stage for the kill and you'd think you have a responsible person around you who will still be held accountable a second time! Even if it's not the last, they'll rarely do so and will breadcrumb you with good treatment once in a while.
That's when the gaslighting and crazy- making starts.
Crazy making is the art of making the victim seem crazy by denying their reality, gaslighting them and making them seem like what they remember about an incident is not true. You know how you can have a conversation with someone and you bring up a lie you caught from the previous day and the person denies even having that conversation with you. You can be pointing out a wrong and the person tells you they don't understand what you're talking about. You'll sometimes be wondering if you imagined the conversation 😂😂😂.

Anyways, what I've learned is that you can only confront healthy people because they're the ones who can take accountability and actually change. Do not confront your cheating partner,your toxic friends, relatives or bosses, they know what they're doing. Don't waste your time doing it, once you clock something toxic, stay calm and non-confrontational because that's what they expect from you and because they know how to push your buttons, you will end up being triggered and in worst case scenarios, you might be harmed!

When you stay calm, you've disarmed them by at least 80% and they'll expose themselves because they will definitely be pushed to try more ways to get you to react!
It's not like I didn't have people advising me to learn to control myself like this but I hadn't grown enough to see the full picture of how this worked till I started practicing it and saw great results! I'm glad I finally came to this place and it's hard work but the payoff is greater!

Like I was coaching someone the other day, I told her to consider the narcissist who is coming against you as a child throwing a tantrum because that's what they really are! They're children in adult-bodies and that's why I start therapy with healing the inner child first. Every human encounter you have is an encounter between your inner child and the inner child of the other person. So everything that's unresolved about them will show up and that's really who you're dealing with, which is why I really don't react very much these days because when I take a step back and remember it's their inner child acting out, I even feel ashamed to think I used to let five year olds in adult bodies to push my buttons.
Stay non-reactive!!!

PS : discount prices for followers has stopped and everything is back to normal.

© Έλλα

Whilst the world is happy Tonto is finally having her lick back, I want to use the other lady as a prime example of how ...
30/04/2026

Whilst the world is happy Tonto is finally having her lick back, I want to use the other lady as a prime example of how female narcissists work . I'm not even interested in gloating because the lady is being served karma on a silver platter. Only sympathy I have is because she's a woman,other than that, don't care.

She seems like the kind of woman who was Tonto's fan, became obsessed with her and because they were both in the limelight, started eventually seeing Tonto as a threat. She saw Tonto and probably listened to people who told her she was prettier than Tonto and decided to enter a one-sided competition with her and thought she won when her marriage scattered.
The way such people's minds work is that they'll think about what you have in common; in their case, both were beautiful light-skinned actresses and she felt that if any man can admire and marry Tonto, he can want her too!!!

Mind you, she played a pivotal role in the abuse perpetuated against Tonto and even after Tonto left the marriage, she was still acting behind the scenes to smear her name and ensure the hate train against her continue . She must have recruited so many flying monkeys who supported her because Tonto is the kind of woman who exuded a free spirit, she lived her life wild and free and people who are not at home with themselves do not like women like Tonto and will do any and every thing to make sure they "swap destinies" with you. Whilst I don't recognize the version of Tonto I'm seeing now, I am at least happy she's been vindicated. She's allowed to become a different version of who she previously was without us trying to fit her in a box.

Is Tonto perfect, hell no but was she living life on her own terms, hell yeah and it bothered this lady. It always starts as admiration,then copying and competition! I guess this is not her first rodeo with Tonto but this is the one that made it to the public because of how scandalous the whole thing was!

Unfortunately for people who have not been living their own lives,who have attempted to eliminate people they're jealous of, this is the period the planets are exposing and dishing out karma!

Whilst she ignored every good counsel who tried to show her the truth, she continuously defended a man who has come out today to say he didn't need her defense and also that if she didn't occupy that space, someone else could have! Did I not make a post about a man being a meter or measuring rod for how we treat ourselves?

" But Ella, the man is a narcissist, he lied to her"... How? This lady was sleeping with him when he was married still and because we have normalized dating married men doesn't mean it's right! She was an active participant in the abuse of another woman and isolated herself from the world because she wanted so desperately to prove that she was better than Tonto. When you come to the realization that most narcissistic people want to prove that you're bad and they're better than you , you'll understand why I tell us everyday to ditch shame and accept that we're bad people!
Once you bask in that truth, the only other way they can try to disrupt your peace will be to try you spiritually like my landlady🤣🤣🤣🤌🏾🤌🏾🤌🏾🤌🏾

© Έλλα

When they wanted to steal our lands, our artifacts and culture, they presented religion. We worshipped their gods while ...
24/04/2026

When they wanted to steal our lands, our artifacts and culture, they presented religion. We worshipped their gods while they practiced our spirituality. That's how narcissism was born. Convince people that what you have is better than theirs and take over their identity while gaslighting and breadcrumbing them with little truth nuggets so that they never gain true wisdom that will "set them free".

Even after they left, they convinced us to continue their stupid legacy and today, our parents practice it and call it religion, while stealing from us the children and lying through their teeth. I don't know what is wrong with especially African parents and entitlement. The very ones who didn't provide and weren't that present are usually the ones who expect too much from their over-giving, people pleasing adult children.

Nothing irritates me more than when someone uses religion, the Bible or church to gaslight people but what's even more irritating are the ones who are so brainwashed that they play defense coach to the very system that is oppressing them. Today, I listened to a father try to clip at his daughter's wings in the name of prayer in which he was saying that may God help her not to be too sure of herself. Even if I was a loving and forgiving child, that's the kind of statement that would reset my brain and I'd cut you off immediately.
There was a lot but just that statement is what I want to expand on.

I talk about trusting the universe a lot and some religious fanatics may say that it's the same but it's not.
First off, women have an inner compass that always speaks to them and if they listen to it, they'll make decisions that will benefit them 💯 ... it's called your intuition. Obviously any one who's gained full autonomy and personal agency has gone through phases of growth that required them to trust that intuition and when you trust it, you become "sure of yourself".
So when a man who has ulterior motives prays that kind of prayer towards you, just know that he's trying to keep you caged and under his control. While context matters, we need to be discerning to understand what is not being said. Because we've been so conditioned to believe that we have to "honor our father and mother", we keep people around who're not good for our mental, spiritual and therefore financial health and growth!
When you're facing chaotic situations like what this client is currently going through, her emotions are not regulated and every part of her life will be affected, her performance at work, her personal relationships , physical and financial health.

Anyways, I digress. I didn't even plan to make a post today but after listening to what I listened to, I just had to!!!

Dear woman, this isn't even about me being a feminist or misandrist. I'm a humanist first but I'll love to tell you that unless a man is emotionally healthy, you should not listen to him. I'm talking about a man as a father in this case... Your emotionally unhealthy father is the blueprint for the kind of man you'll end up with if you don't evolve.
Your father should not be the kind to clip your wings, healthy parents set the stage for their children to thrive and if he's trying to use religion to control the child, he may have used it previously with his wife, sisters, female colleagues and his other girl children and it worked. It's a successful cycle and M/O for him but it's a cycle that needs to stop once it becomes clear. As hard as it is to come to the realization that some of our parents are not good for our growth, it's still a truth that must be accepted albeit the hurt. The truth remains the truth, no matter who accepts it or not!

There's so much I can talk about men using the Bible and fake prophecies to stifle women's growth but this is 2026, you should be privy to knowledge that profits you and apply accordingly.

© Έλλα

See when we talk about algorithm... I just stumbled across this on Tiktok.  Have fun checking these out to see if you re...
22/04/2026

See when we talk about algorithm... I just stumbled across this on Tiktok. Have fun checking these out to see if you resonate with what each goddess represents. You can google the other goddess archetypes I didn't talk about if your birthdate falls on their name and see if you resonate with what they represent.
Embodiment is just "be-ing". If you're shy and your archetype is Kali, you can start being fearless and putting yourself out there. If your partner complains that you're not romantic, you can embody Aphrodite and try to be soft and charismatic. It's even a way of nervous system regulation because you're doing something different despite your fears and we know that if you continue the new habit for 21 days, it becomes a new reality for you.

© Έλλα

Woo Woo for the girls. .Let's talk about Goddesses and the art of Channeling themGoddess archetypes are symbolic express...
21/04/2026

Woo Woo for the girls. .

Let's talk about Goddesses and the art of Channeling them

Goddess archetypes are symbolic expressions of feminine energy; each one represents a different way of thinking, feeling, creating, loving, and leading. They’re often drawn from mythologies although they're used today in psychology, spirituality, and self-development. Most of the time, I see takes on how we should worship them, place their pictures on our altars etc but you can channel these goddesses by simply calling on the energy they represent. For example: 👇🏿

Who doesn't know that Aphrodite is the goddess of love, beauty, sensuality, pleasure, attraction and creativity?
So when you need to capture the attention of people or someone you love or maybe you just want to reignite the flames of your relationship, you can just channel a magnetic and charismatic energy around that person, people or situation.

Hera the Queen represents power, leadership, commitment and sovereignty.
Hera commands respect, values loyalty and partnership, she is a natural leader, often tied to status and legacy. So when you're faced with injustice, or maybe you're shy and afraid of being "seen", you can channel her energy to help you overcome it.

The goddess Demeter represents caregiving, fertility, provision and emotional support. So when you're doing any of the above without self-depletion, you're definitely honoring and channelling her. Sometimes, it could be pouring back into self and you'd be honoring this goddess . That's why when some women who suffered infertility for years finally heal , they become very fertile.

Isis represents intuition, spirituality, healing and inner wisdom.
Isis is deeply connected to the unseen, energy, rituals, and higher knowledge. So most people who are into tarot card reading, deep spirituality , astrology and shadow work are channelling her. Need I say more?

I've always been drawn to the name Athena. I didn't even know what it represents till I started studying the goddess archetypes. Athena represents intelligence, strategy, independence and logic.
She was analytical, wise, valued knowledge and competence, she thrived in structure and problem-solving. If you're a student of anything, including life, channelling Athena will benefit you greatly.

Whenever I see a wild and rebellious woman, I always say their inner Kali is very active.
Kali actually represents transformation, destruction of ego, raw feminine power, being unapologetic, and a truth-teller
According to myth, she broke Illusions and forced growth. She represented the chaos that came with transformation. Have you noticed that women who decenter anything that doesn't honor them start to thrive and glow?

There are many more that are even more popular than the ones cited above and for those interested, look into it and then, you can activate each different archetype depending on your mood, goals, or phase of life and when you channel these inner goddesses, you liberate a part of you that was held captive by patriarchy and get rewarded. You might not even realize you're being rewarded because there might be an upheaval first before the peace but there's always a reward!

© Έλλα

What differentiates  the rich from poor is the illusion of scarcity; or unavailability! Stay with me!👇🏿When people talk ...
18/04/2026

What differentiates the rich from poor is the illusion of scarcity; or unavailability!
Stay with me!👇🏿

When people talk about fancy dinners, you'll hear meals like caviar and fillet mignon and less abundant people will think they're too fancy and can only imagine when they'll taste such meals but if you know the history of caviar, it might help your perceptions about yourselves!

Caviar is made from fish eggs (Sturgeon fish)... actually, it's fish eggs and originally, it was food meant for the poor; as in people who were served this meal were poor people which means it was abundant everywhere and usually, people believe that anything that's common is reserved for poor people.
Overtime, some people said it was nourishing and it made you thirsty so they started serving it in bars so that it could fuel the thirst for more booze, then France entered the chat where some people served it to some women over there who thought it was too delicious for normal consumption and the demand for the fish became so high that the fish became a rare commodity!
You see, this is what happens with over availability; nothing screams 'less value' like being too available!

I used to suffer from this because I used to think people will treat me same way I treated them and was too available whether I was needed or not!
The more I healed, the more unavailable I became. I mean I used to volunteer my time, life and money to please others and expected just loyalty in return but couldn't have it till I learnt the art of unavailability !
I made myself less and less present to everything I didn't want till I disappeared from those things, places and situations that didn't pour back into me and now, people pay to have my attention! This is not a bragging post but it should teach someone how to be unavailable anywhere you're not being poured into!
Be unavailable for situations that strive to pull you out of character.
Be unavailable to anything that doesn't add value to your life!
You see how caviar is only mentioned alongside luxury now, it's because it became rare, that should be your sole aim too. You women should know you're a rare gem and treat yourselves thus and if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, become unavailable immediately.
The only time you should be available should be where there's luxury, where you're being poured into, where you're actually benefitting and not loosing. And should you find yourself in any of those spaces you don't like, leave immediately , be it jobs, relationships, places and spaces.
Stay present where you're valued!

© Έλλα

Let's take a break from "man-matter" and read about someone who used her lemons to make very sweet lemonade. This story ...
17/04/2026

Let's take a break from "man-matter" and read about someone who used her lemons to make very sweet lemonade.

This story is about the sister of a sister and I'm going to share for those of you who are married to the weapons fashioned against you.

So this lady was married , studied medicine, very bright and ambitious but was convinced that she needed marriage to be considered successful...and marry, she did!
At first, husband seemed understanding and even supportive until he started becoming envious of her success and started stifling her progress.
When he found out that getting her pregnant many times would not stop her from climbing the ladder, he began cheating and became even physically violent then stopped her from getting the good paying jobs that were lined up for her. The good thing about this is that she had a very supportive tribe behind her who encouraged her to seek her healing. No she didn't seek therapy from me but she went to someone I completely trusted who did a great job.
Husband seized her children, lied on her and sold the property they'd jointly acquired. She didn't let that stop her, she left the marriage without her kids, has been actively fighting to gain custody , secured a very good paying job that makes her eight figures a month and she's happy.

Now what that man wanted was to hurt her by taking away her children and this is not the first time I've witnessed such an atrocity , I've always encouraged the women whose partners put them through this to make peace with this reality and let the man handle the stress of raising the children without their mothers. I do feel sorry for the children but sometimes, let these men lie on the bed they made so they know how it feels...
Today this millenial woman is running a hospital as lead medical doctor and she looks so young,people confuse her for a 20 year old! The husband's family who were in support of him are now trying to beg her to talk with him and even begging her to send even 20k cus he's down bad but she's adamant!
He's obviously not doing fine but she's thriving. I'm more than impressed by her strength and everytime I think about her story, I'm glad a woman chose herself and decided to thrive instead of wallowing in self pity like the world expected her to. The children will heal and look for her 🤌🏿🤌🏿🤌🏿.
Yes, she's still fighting her ex in court for custody but she didn't let anything stop her from pursuing her dreams. This was a clear case of using stones thrown at you to build a solid castle.
So if anything is holding you back from pursuing your dreams, think about her and let it inspire you to not give up on yourself,ever!

© Έλλα

Trusting the process: Most of you who belonged to my telegram forum were privileged to witness me at rock bottom and can...
14/04/2026

Trusting the process:

Most of you who belonged to my telegram forum were privileged to witness me at rock bottom and can attest to the fact that I CONSCIOUSLY worked my way to abundance through conscious healing and dealing with my shadow.
So nothing I say or write about is gathered from a book or external source, they're straight from experiences and I share because it's part of why I'm here; to show others that it's absolutely possible to evolve into what we desire.

Now I want to clarify that I'd already done a lot of healing before I got to that point but I now know that I had to prove it through belief and response and it should please y'all to know I had to repeat that particular lesson since I wasn't completely trusting the process.

That's the part of healing no one talks about. The messiness, the pain and tears and how it rids you of a lot and sometimes,you mistake it for more trauma.

Also, I started doing a PSA with clients at the initial stages of therapy to prepare them for the murky waters they're diving into because:

Relationships will never be the same, jobs may be lost, friendships might end, and you might even face some financial struggles initially but you have to trust the process!!! It would definitely seem like your life is falling apart but it's part of the shedding process.
You see, with every new phase comes new or different challenges and you have to learn the art of mastering yourself!
I had to learn the concept of abundance without the presence of money, I had to master the art of not worrying in the face of uncertainty and I had to repeat these lessons because I used to panick and react out of fear,thereby not manifesting or aligning with my true path.

One of my former clients called me a few days ago and asked me what to do because she didn't seem to know how to move with the strange events happening, especially with her finances 🤣🤣🤣 and I laughed and told her to trust the process.
A few days later, what she was WORRIED about sorted itself out because she decided to trust the process!!!
I told her that I have come to believe that we are here to learn how to relinquish control and let the universe handle things because it knows best.
To add to that, I'll say consider the process like a seed you planted. Before you threw it to the soil, you ensured it was fertile and suitable for the seed to grow and even after that, you don't go dig it out everyday to see if it's germinating...you trust that it will germinate and bear fruits or yield positive results. And like every fruit or seed planted, when it germinates, you don't abandon it to grow on its own, you actually nurture it, take off weeds, water it and expose it to the sun for proper nourishment... that's how you also have to treat yourself with your "home-coming". The work doesn't stop even after therapy!

There's no way you're going to practice spirituality without shadow work, healing and trusting the process!!!
Shadow work is usually an ego death, just like the seed that has to die first before its roots sprout and it grows to a tree after a waiting period! This doesn't mean your healing will take as long as trees do before producing fruits or food but it usually takes a while before you start seeing the results of your inner worlk.

Still, you must learn how to "let go and let God", literally . That's part of being one with the creator!
Trust the process!!!!

© Έλλα

Whatever a man lacks, he'll take from you! Whatever potential you see in a man, no matter how promising, is just your ow...
11/04/2026

Whatever a man lacks, he'll take from you!

Whatever potential you see in a man, no matter how promising, is just your own projection of yourself on him, it's not real, don't try to build him.

That's why it sounds like gold-digging advice to tell women to be yoked with financially established men, but even at that, most of these men don't have a very high EQ (emotional intelligence) and will still harm you because of your saviour complex.

When I passed my advance level exams, I was dating this local illiterate footballer.
Every eke market day, he would remind me about how I'd treat him like my predecessors and leave him when I get to uni. He was so insecure, I finally cheated on him and he caught me. Then wouldn't leave me alone after that. Told me he would do his own back but can't leave me yet cus he still loves me and I agreed because I was ashamed. I wanted to appease him and he went ahead and slept with a classmate I introduced him to. They went ahead and made my life a living hell and try as I may, I couldn't escape from both till I finally got admitted to the university. But he took away my peace and almost robbed me of my confidence simply because he had none!!!
He stalked me and my new partner, embarrassed me everywhere I went to until one day, I decided to face him and changed it for him in a public setting. Needless to say he moved out of town because the embarrassment was too much.

Another example; someone close, she loved too much and gave too much to the wrong men. They all needed her for one thing only, money. They depleted her savings and she went bankrupt but didn't learn her lesson . I watched her make the same mistake with her daughter... she's of late unfortunately but that's the effect of Saturn, it can punish by taking you off the Earth if you refuse to learn or keep giving you harder lessons.
You see, all of us had one thing in common, lack of inner conviction and we paid dearly for it one way or the other.

Now what most of us have not learnt is that our relationships with men shows our level of inner healing and peace. I'm also of the school of thought that believes we shouldn't be marrying men but we can have beautiful relationships with them because marriage is an institution built on lies and control of the feminine (believe it or not). So a man mirrors your inner self and portrays it back to you in how he treats you. That's how you're actually supposed to learn ways where you're not being 💯% yourself!!! However a man treats you is on you and it'll continue to get worse the more you make excuses and refuse to make the necessary adjustments that are solely beneficial to you.

The thing is many unhappily married women or coupled up women would rather bond over their traumatic experiences with partners than listen to us single women who have caught on these attributes because, of course misery loves company. Even if we show them the beauty of healthy relationships with others and ourselves, they would rather villainize us than listen,so do you dear!

Ps: I'm offering a discount on all my packages for my followers only....my followers ooooo.
So those of you that had reached out to find out about my pricing list, please send me a message. This offer will last till the month runs out
I'll respond late but I'll definitely respond.

© Έλλα

Self-reflectionOne thing that has greatly helped me grow and evolve is my ability to self-reflect after every interactio...
08/04/2026

Self-reflection

One thing that has greatly helped me grow and evolve is my ability to self-reflect after every interaction, especially interactions that make me feel uncomfortable or uneasy. So it means if I have a spat with someone and even if they're clearly wrong, I still reflect on my choices, reactions and or response to the situation and how it affected me and the other party.

You know, I'll be a big liar if I come here one day to say all my life I was victimized and I never did anyone wrong. That would be a blatant lie!!! As a child, I was growing up to become a bully but I think what saved me was the ability to self-reflect and because I didn't want to be like the people I grew up around, I started making small amends each day to be better; to be different.

There are people who absolutely hate my guts because of my ignorant years and I don't blame them but it's also on us all to heal and evolve from lessons we were taught through experiences including bad experiences you had with me. That's why I apologize when someone expresses how my words or actions hurt them, even if it was unintentional. I live by the mantra that you don't get to choose how someone feels or reacts to your actions and I'm willing to apologize when my interaction hurts someone.

Why am I talking about this, I have witnessed many times, especially with clients,how they have been hurt by others but most times, I will come to the conclusion that things would have happened differently had they been able to self-reflect and realize how certain things will play out and affect them in the long run.
Also, I see how some people's lives turned out abd I know that there's no atom of self-reflection in their bodies because of the level of entitlement they have and are not willing to put in effort to change things.
For instance,some parents who spoiled their male children and let the female children struggle will have those boys become lazy, entitled men who depend on others for survival forever. Until these "boys to men" self-reflect on how their upbringing affected their perception of events, they'll prefer to remain a forever victim.

Self-reflection however is different from self-blame. Do not confuse the two. Self blame is for the most part, lack of self worth and blaming yourself for everything but self-reflection is the ability to check yourself and ensure that you're in fact,not loosing your sense of self in situations or you're not engaging in behaviors that will have negative consequences for you in the long run. As a matter of fact, people who have the ability to self-reflect usually have a high self-esteem.

I'm not the counselor that would let you vent about your abusive partner without pointing out how you permitted the abuse by letting things slide at the beginning of a relationship. I will show you how you had a saviour complex and thought you could change a man and tell you that you taught him how to treat you poorly because it is the truth.

Self reflection helps you live to your true potential! When you look inwards and tell yourself the truth, it's very difficult to project on others, that's one way to live authentically because most people who project onto others lack the capacity to self reflect. It's kind of an inner compass and it will point you in the right direction always.
Most narcissistic people don't have this ability because it'll mean to look at themselves in a mirror and because they don't really like themselves, they would never do that, that's why they're so enraged when you try to expose them for who they are and would rather even kill than let the truth about their real character come out. Those movies where men kill their wives, move to a new city and start over and when the past comes knocking, either escape or try to end the lives of the one who knows their truth, are not exaggerating and they're not just movies. A lot of narc people are like that because they lack the capacity to self-reflect.
Self-reflection is like taking a look at your inner child and addressing them directly.
It's like evaluating yourself and witnessing how you're treating yourself and others.

© Έλλα

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