03/05/2026
More on narcissism 🙂↕️
One thing I've learnt that held me back in life was my REACTION to events and circumstances that used to trigger me.
I have always been someone who believes in justice and this naive mindset made me very easy to read; hence easy to trigger.
This was so because the people who perpetuated this abuse towards me, e.g my mom,some family members, exes etc all studied my patterns and knew exactly where to strike to get their desired results and they always won because unlike them, I didn't study my own patterns!
As a matter of fact, I believed that if I called you out on something once or twice, you didn't have to repeat the same mistake, so I gave many people the chance to hurt me over and over because of what we consider "the benefit of the doubt".
You see, narcissistic people know this too well! They will deliberately hurt you the first time and when you react or call their bu****it, they might immediately apologize to put you off track because you'd think they're accountable... unfortunately, that might be the first and last apology you might get because they've already set the stage for the kill and you'd think you have a responsible person around you who will still be held accountable a second time! Even if it's not the last, they'll rarely do so and will breadcrumb you with good treatment once in a while.
That's when the gaslighting and crazy- making starts.
Crazy making is the art of making the victim seem crazy by denying their reality, gaslighting them and making them seem like what they remember about an incident is not true. You know how you can have a conversation with someone and you bring up a lie you caught from the previous day and the person denies even having that conversation with you. You can be pointing out a wrong and the person tells you they don't understand what you're talking about. You'll sometimes be wondering if you imagined the conversation 😂😂😂.
Anyways, what I've learned is that you can only confront healthy people because they're the ones who can take accountability and actually change. Do not confront your cheating partner,your toxic friends, relatives or bosses, they know what they're doing. Don't waste your time doing it, once you clock something toxic, stay calm and non-confrontational because that's what they expect from you and because they know how to push your buttons, you will end up being triggered and in worst case scenarios, you might be harmed!
When you stay calm, you've disarmed them by at least 80% and they'll expose themselves because they will definitely be pushed to try more ways to get you to react!
It's not like I didn't have people advising me to learn to control myself like this but I hadn't grown enough to see the full picture of how this worked till I started practicing it and saw great results! I'm glad I finally came to this place and it's hard work but the payoff is greater!
Like I was coaching someone the other day, I told her to consider the narcissist who is coming against you as a child throwing a tantrum because that's what they really are! They're children in adult-bodies and that's why I start therapy with healing the inner child first. Every human encounter you have is an encounter between your inner child and the inner child of the other person. So everything that's unresolved about them will show up and that's really who you're dealing with, which is why I really don't react very much these days because when I take a step back and remember it's their inner child acting out, I even feel ashamed to think I used to let five year olds in adult bodies to push my buttons.
Stay non-reactive!!!
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