29/07/2022
Today I am reveiling one of my biggest shadows, as well as the deepest pain I’ve experienced throughout my life.
As I’m writing these lines, I am still in doubt about whether I’m gonna do it or not. Publishing these words for everyone to read. Getting fully naked for everyone to see - whilst still wearing clothes - Who says that clothes are protecting you from a stranger‘s look…
Ok, let’s get serious for a moment. My intention behind publishing this story is definitely not to arouse pity. This story is not written from a place of pain, but rather from a place of strength.
But for this strength - my strength - to grow as magnificent as it is today, it took me many, many years to overcome the pain I felt inside me, the pain I felt when I looked in the mirror.
This one night marked a turning point in my young life - there was only before and after. At that New Year’s Eve in 2005 I lost not only the ability to see with my left eye, but also my confindence and sense of self. I learned to cover it well - with my hairstyle, with a lense of glass that covered my eye, with an award-worthy act.
I’ve endured multiple surgery’s over many years, that still left me without the results I was hoping for.
Not being stared at. Not being touched by strangers at parties. Not being disrespected. Not carrying that bitter taste of loss with me all the time, that aching pain inside me when I suddenly remembered.
I was desperately hoping to undo it. Secretly wishing to go back in time. To smile again when looking in the mirror. To feel normal again. To love myself again. To trust again. To feel whole again. To be _me_ again.
The reason I am sharing this with you today, why I am showing you this picture of myself is to overcome another barrier. Another barrier within myself, within society, within you.
To take the next step in embracing who I am by breaking down another wall.
To overcome expectations, outer ones and my own.
To no longer hide myself.
To make myself fully visible, fully seen. For myself and to everyone who looks at me.
To experience healing.
To be fully me again.
AND, by any chance, to inspire and to encourage you to do so, too!