25/05/2025
Imagine you meet your dad…after 20 years.
*triggerwarning and something deeply personal.
One thing on my bucket list in life was to find my dad.
He left me with a big „why?“ when I was too young, but old enough to understand that answers lay in actions.
He left without a word. But caused an abandonment wound that accompanied me my whole life.
It’s been the truest pain I could experience as a child. Many years later he became the shadow of my past and it took me great effort to make peace with it.
In fact- People will hurt you. But spending your whole life waiting for them to apologize and take responsibility for what they did, will not heal you.
But there is great wisdom in the power of acceptance:
True acceptance for other peoples decisions gives us back our ownership and the ability of how and when we heal.
It’s not only a chance to be more compassionate and happy, but to step back into our self-responsibility and power.
We can’t control other peoples decisions, but we can control our respond.
So, Back to my bucket list:
I found him and we met.
Before the first contact I prepared myself for the unprepareble (?)
Hundreds of thoughts running through my mind, not knowing what to expect- while I actually didn’t expect anything at all. Instead- I freed myself from any idea of how this encounter could look like and focused on what I’ve learned: True acceptance for whatever comes.
So here I am, meeting my dad after 20 years for the first time.
It’s like meeting a familiar stranger. Too surreal to find words for it.
No grief nor anger coming up. Just two people who have a lot to catch up on.
Appreciation, gratitude but also sadness and forgiveness are present.
Did meeting him heal the wound he left?
No.
This is my own process.
But it’s been a truly special encounter of braveness, forgiveness and laughter. And..the decision to stay in touch with eachother.
📸 .b at our retreat ♥️
