07/11/2024
Cognitive dissonance often plays a significant role in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse, especially when it comes to rediscovering and reclaiming oneâs identity.
Cognitive dissonance is a psychological phenomenon where a person experiences discomfort from holding conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes. In the context of narcissistic abuse, it can arise from the clash between what the survivor knows to be true about themselves (and their worth) and the distorted version of reality the narcissist has imposed on them.
Coming out of a relationship with a narcissist can make you feel like youâve lost touch with who you are, and thatâs totally normal. Youâre not alone in feeling confused or even questioning yourself, thatâs actually a really common effect of the manipulation and gaslighting.
Cognitive dissonance is what you feel when part of you knows something isnât right, like, you know deep down that you deserve respect, love, and kindness but another part of you feels pulled into believing the story the narcissist painted. You might think, âMaybe I am too much,â or âMaybe Iâm not good enough,â because thatâs what you were made to feel. Itâs the tension between what you know about yourself and what youâve been conditioned to believe that creates that inner conflict.
The good news? This struggle is actually a signal that your true self is still alive and kicking. That part of you that knows youâre worthy and lovable is still there, itâs just been buried under layers of doubt. Reclaiming your identity after narcissistic abuse is a journey back to that part of yourself. It takes time and self-compassion, but you can absolutely get there.
Start small. Start by trusting those moments when you feel like yourself, even if itâs just for a few minutes a day. Notice what brings you peace or joy, the things that make you feel whole. Over time, as you give space to that voice within you, it gets stronger. Each day, youâre piecing back together who you are, independent of anyone elseâs version of you.
Remember, youâre not defined by someone elseâs treatment of you. They donât get to decide your worth, you do. And youâre here now, finding your way back, one step at a time. Keep going, be kind to yourself, and know that youâre so much stronger and more amazing than you may realise right now.
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~ The Wild Healer ~
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