12/01/2025
2025 the year of completion, transformation and fresh starts. Yet, 2025 already has a plethora of feelings & expectations of what this year should be. The year before, might be described as the worst, since my dad died after having fought bravely for 10 months.
Yet, 2024 was a year of blessings. I’m most grateful for having enough time to repair my relationship with my dad, be there for him with jokes, positivity & a different perspective. It was the year my dad and I meditated, prayed and came closer analysing the afterlife.
My dad was an amazing person, and our relationship was complicated. Up until his diagnosis, I struggled to accept him fully, and had so much anger & resentment, only to discover that my own expectations of “what should be” was the cause of that pain. I tried to force ‘forgiveness’ so I don’t lose the time that was left. Emotions don’t work that way, and the only thing I achieved was punishing myself for being bound to our past, and what ‘should’ be. It took me months to fully accept who and how he was. Forgiveness happened even when I wasn’t paying attention.
After his passing, we discovered an affirmation stating ‘he is grateful that his relationship with his kids is repaired’. I cried so much. The strength of that man, knowing the end is near and fearing it, yet remaining a symbol of hope, positivity and love until the end, is something I hope I can live up to.
As I’m grieving the fact that he is gone, that he won’t be there for the daily or bigger life challenges, I have withdrawn myself to find who I am now & give space to all these emotions. It’s not easy, but I don’t shy away from the hard things. I am a warrior, just like he was. Well.. to be frank, I have packed my grief & only opening it up in chunks, cause the pain is too much to handle at once.
I know I can’t rush this, and I hope I can find kindness, love and awareness to embrace what is, and what might become. As grief takes a new form, I wish that I can let go of my expectations and just allow myself to be in the moment 🎈And so, another 30 day yoga challenge has begun dedicated to this journey.
