19/03/2025
Why We React the Way We Do in a Relationship: The Nervous System & Survival Mode
Ever had a conflict with your partner where you suddenly felt overwhelmed, defensive, or distant? That’s not just you being “too emotional” or “cold”—it’s your nervous system trying to protect you.
According to Polyvagal Theory, our fight, flight, and freeze responses aren’t just for physical danger. They also show up in relationships when we feel emotionally unsafe.
❤️ Fight: You argue, criticize, or try to control to regain a sense of security.
💨 Flight: You withdraw, shut down, or avoid hard conversations.
❄️ Freeze: You feel stuck, emotionally numb, or helpless.
These responses are not personal failures—they’re survival instincts. But when left unchecked, they can create distance in a marriage.
✨ How to Shift from Survival to Connection:
• Pause & Breathe: Calm your nervous system before reacting.
• Notice Your Patterns: Awareness helps break cycles.
• Communicate Safety: Gentle tone, eye contact, and reassurance can bring both partners back to connection.
• Co-Regulate: Instead of reacting, try soothing each other with touch, warmth, or understanding words.
Healthy relationships aren’t about never triggering each other—they’re about learning how to return to safety together. 💛
Have you noticed these patterns in your relationship? Share your experience below!
You are welcome to book a either a copuples session or individual therapy session either online or in Person , Copenhagen or HELLERUP