07/08/2023
Last installment number 9 😍🔥🙏🏼
Why we do what we do:
I loved Mysore, I wanted to make it my yearly “pilgrimage” at the time. The accumulation of what I describe above made this trip personally stressful and unsustainable, since I already live in a chaotic corrupt xenophobic country and the romanticized discomforts in making such a journey may be far more useful to privileged westerners, than to me. The fact they went to “magical India” is a good story to tell when they get back to their supposedly “civilized” country. Having been taught in India also offered them legitimacy as teachers. But India is no more “magical” to me than the Arab world is. Our problems are similar, seen as “quirky” or cute in India yet shamed as barbaric and unacceptable in the Arab world. What I did continue to learn from legendary teachers around the world and their students who were referred to me was priceless. I loved being part of this international community.
That the “shala drama” I was subjected to is “normal” is laughable and absurd to me. No thank you. There are no “two sides” to this story and such behavior should not be enabled by teachers who convey the principles behind the sutras, such as non violence and unwavering honesty. I resisted the FOMO and I’m much smarter having stayed put running my own program with the best mentorship I could ever wish for. We must remain curious and ask ourselves daily in our practice, why do we do this? As a teacher, I cannot bear seeing anyone hurting themselves on repeat, or breathing so loudly or out of breath in a pose that shouldn’t require that much work. Learning to save one’s energy, especially in this energetic practice, can be profoundly transformative on so many levels, if paying attention. Attention is a practice in itself. The incidences of injury are too high! Correcting peoples misconceptions daily, which is the job of any teacher worth their salt, is exhausting but vital. It can also be unnecessarily confrontational, making people storm out of my class. “This is too hard” one would say while my response was always “but it doesn’t have to be”.
I would often introduce a healthier challenge (where their breath is fuller) than the riskier ones they seem intent on. People are often not aware they are performing for others, rather than practicing what is invisible. Many faces would light up in these moments, but many more wouldn’t like what I had to share, given how rare introspection is as a healthy life skill. It was nowhere near like this when I started. Impatience is not going to get anyone far, in whatever field requiring mastery. It can be so destructive, especially when difficulty arises which is inevitable but often a golden opportunity to learn why we do this. An opportunity too often lost. I was always interested in the science behind this, how it can be tailored to each individual according to one’s ever changing needs.
Once a “friend” showed me some fancy handstand instagram video and asked me “can u teach me this?” Anything else I asked her (to inform my response) was interrupted with that same question asked more persistently “yes, but can u teach me THIS?” Since my response was not the definite “yes of course” she was looking for, the dismissal and total disinterest on her part was beyond rude. People too often assume you are selling something even though they are the ones asking the questions! I certainly was not selling handstands even though I love doing them. They set my shoulders free, and I would have loved to help others feel the same.
This is why traditionally it is best that a select few are taught, (certainly not your friends). and taught well, so they can teach others…and payment was by donation only. What a dream that would have been, in a different world where capitalism is not the rule. Yet for many years this was my only livelihood so I had to adapt the best way I knew how. I tried the sliding scale payment system for those who said they couldn’t afford even though I was offering the best deal around. Most who claimed they couldn’t afford my prices (which I always kept relatively low, being self employed) were actually looking for a “deal” and rarely if ever kept their part of it. Without feedback, no acknowledgement or apology, just undermining an offer that I genuinely meant for those who needed it. I wanted them to take advantage of my offer with “unlimited” attendance, that was the whole point. It was not to be taken for granted or devalued.
A student is not “always right” because we are students, not customers or clients. I ran an actual school, not a cafe, shop or massage parlor. The client mentality, in such a space can be downright rude and entitled like you won’t believe. I have been yelled at countless times in my space, as well as when out socializing by disgruntled (and drunk) former students who hardly attended, especially when yoga became more “popular” and people became impatient. Inevitably and rightfully, people did become more suspicious of its teachers, putting me in a box of their creation. In my experience students became more argumentative than ever due to this inevitable confusion (student vs client) with zero respect for rules and conditions required to study with me. Saying you are to show up at a certain time and not notifying me if you can’t is not ok for a small business run entirely by me. I was super flexible and generous if a student is unable to attend for a period of time. As long as they notify me, I wanted to be able to support them in their difficulties and be there for them when they return.
The absolute best students who benefitted from my sliding scale pricing were the revolutionary human rights activists I loved and wished to support during the upheavals following 2011. They know what it is to show up for others, and understood the importance of showing up for oneself, rain or shine. It’s to do with curiosity, accountability and transparency which means giving their teacher honest feedback because I’m certainly not a mind reader and we all make mistakes which help us learn. They mostly kept their end of the “deal” with honesty, respect and mutual appreciation. It worked for me as a great litmus test for character, even though I was always advised by my teacher never to do this and he was absolutely right in retrospect.
I have no regrets because my “research” was about human tendencies, after all. Those who actually had to earn their livelihood understood my need to earn mine and appreciated the exchange inherent in my offer. It could only work if they honor their side of the agreement, and many did. They became dear friends to this day who I consider like family.
Then once in a while a truly interested student’s face lights up in joy and relief from the info I just gave them. The delight on their faces from knowing their beliefs are/were misconceptions, that it doesn’t have to be this way anymore, are etched in my heart forever. These lovely humans are what made all the above journey totally worthwhile for me. The rest, an unlearning practice for the former people pleaser in me.
The End
