11/07/2023
Second installment of reality of owning a yoga studio before yoga was anywhere near popular:
For two consecutive 3 month visits (2007 and 2008) as far as I knew, I was the only Arab in this wonderful little town in South India, and then I heard there was an Egyptian girl present and I was so excited to meet her. I had just opened my shala a year previously and it was busy, with me teaching early morning and evening, and while it was rewarding for me, it was exhausting and lonely. I craved a colleague to discuss these responsibilities with. For many westerners, Egypt is a far more “magical” country to hail from than Palestine, more on that later! Given I live in Cairo, I happily introduced myself to this Egyptian girl, only to be met with extreme coldness/unfriendliness like “who the hell are you?”. Years later this same person thought her initial coldness towards me as cute and “funny” but now we know how toxic such a reception is from the start. Often women pride themselves on being a “bitch” and this is the variety I speak of. My instinct has never failed me, even though I ignored it too many times, as one does. I quickly realized that this is the person I noticed earlier because of the noise she was making, totally out of sync in the practice room which was a distraction for many who were synchronizing our guided class with rhythmic breath. The soothing sound of the room is what makes it so “magical”. She was totally oblivious to the disruption she was causing to those practicing near her. This was an unusual sight at the time as only students who studied with a proper teacher and knows the basics of practice is allowed to be taught by “the great master”. As a teacher myself, of course I noticed and sympathized. Since she was terribly unfriendly too, I had no reason to even look in her direction ever again.
A couple years later, I heard through a mutual friend that this girl was working in a well known retreat center (which means she must know the practice better by now right? Wrong) and moving to Cairo. She wanted to meet with me, for her benefit so she invited me for lunch in Goa where I would go almost annually to study with a dear teacher. As I mention earlier, I needed another teacher/partner who knew this practice at my super busy shala, so it seemed like an answer to my years of prayers. Perhaps in retrospect my super welcoming reception gave this person an inflated sense of importance. With time this decision became a huge compromise on my part as I did not agree with this persons so called “teaching style” in my shala, resulting in confusing my students who were allegedly taught “wrong” (by me) and basically barking orders with no explanation eg: “breathe through the pain” and forceful adjustments learned from some mediocre 200hr Teachers training course, bound to make any body go rigid in defense, while telling them to surrender their “ego” 🤮. This person belittled my ethical and safety concerns and always unwilling to process that I am the senior/director of my own shala, and that these are my students and they always come first. She would typically respond that I have ego problems, control issues, as were the students while being roughly adjusted. It was a perfect example of how dogmatism/lack of intelligence causes many teachers unable to think for themselves and preferring to strongly disagree (quote “This is my style”) rather than engage in open respectful discussion as a mode of inquiry. Maybe my Psych MA intimidated her and this was nothing new, unfortunately.
The welfare of the student always comes first no matter what, but this toxic interaction is no different than with racist bigots who think they have a right to their “opinion”. I terminated her “employment” but she came back some years later to “apologize” and I gave her another chance, even congratulating her some years later when she got the kpjayi authorization and spread the news thinking this person may become more humble and responsible since this piece of paper mattered tremendously to her but certainly did not expect her to use this so called “authority” to question my “legitimacy” in my own shala after all the previous BS I tolerated from her! That was the cherry on top and it felt like an assault on my business and my life as well, especially when items belonging to students at the shala were missing, which never happened under my watch. Contrary to what I asked her to do, she did not monitor people coming in and out…preferring to keep the door open where anyone can enter and steal. In a building with no security, at night. She just couldn’t respect my rules, as a woman who owns her own business where students are mostly women and making them feel safe is a priority. I have heard countless similar and worse horror stories but never thought it could happen to me, even though my teacher warned me for years that it’s inevitable. How could this be normalized and inevitable without accountability? This is not a gym or a cafe, it’s a yoga center, and there are principles that it was founded upon. It was far worse to me that other “authorized teachers” (it’s what they like to call themselves, as opposed to “student” which was my preferred way to reference myself) who benefited from my shala saw it as normal behavior and stayed neutral, dismissing it as “shala drama”. “C’est la vie”, “keep practicing” and the dumbest reaction of all: “the only solution is to go get authorized in Mysore” was the range of response from other authorized teachers I reached out to in the hope of reasoning with this experience. Couldn’t one of them agree that this is despicable behavior when you generously invite someone and give them the honor of working with you and your students? These people apparently “avoid drama” but also benefited from teaching in my shala, as if they were entitled to benefit from me and only support eachother regardless of common decency. It took me a long time to realize that this type of allegiance is how members of a club/cult behave when confronted. They avoid the research to question what we are teaching. It’s all “Sharath says this Sharath says that” why? “Because Sharath says so”. What a bunch of zombies! This is how I learned the hard way which seems to be the only way unfortunately. There was little vocabulary at the time regarding abuse of power and so called authority and boundaries and above all the priority of the student’s needs, which was most important to me. Any system of authority has zero legitimacy if it lacks accountability. This story broke my heart on so many levels, and being silenced by those who I thought were my colleagues made it worse. It was all too familiar but I didn’t know enough at the time to name it for what it was/is. In fact those who claimed not to want to be “dragged into this drama” were the ones most staunchly taking sides, and they made sure i was aware of this. This widespread lack of outrage from what I see as unethical, dishonest and harmful behavior made the inevitable victims of sexual assault incidents by KPJ and other teachers plus their consequent silencing by the community totally believable. The community lack of support always hurts more than the original offense. Because these types of people are competitive by nature, it is the only reason they could ascribe to my apparent “over reaction” to this situation, it’s because I must be competitive. What a failure of imagination, that speaks more to who they are than who I could ever be. Some even call themselves therapists/healers that I would never recommend due to where they stood on this. They even seemed to enjoy this situation. Former friends included. No I don’t believe in forgiveness. One can certainly “move on” without forgiveness and sharing this is a celebration of this truth. I know this situation has happened with countless wonderful teachers around the world, who were also silenced because it happens “everywhere” right? They dedicated big portions of their life to passionately serving their communities, unable to afford traveling yearly to “magical India”, only to be visited upon by a self important teacher who looks upon their path with contempt, but more devastatingly, confusing their students with disrespect towards their teacher, the person who invited them over in the first place. Nauseatingly common behavior.
This one is for you ❤️🔥🙏🏼