La consulta de Aina

20/07/2022

When you say “I’m sorry,” get specific about what you are sorry for. Naming exactly what you’re sorry for can go a long way towards putting your partner at ease and healing their pain.

Avoid justifying yourself, saying you’re sorry for how they feel, or simply saying sorry as a brush-off.

Take full responsibility for your actions by calling them out and apologizing wholeheartedly.

15/07/2022

Waves (anxious-ambivalent) partners are proximity seeking. In relationships, their primary orientation is “I can’t do it myself.” They have a feeling of helplessness and anger that their partner isn’t available to them.

Waves fear abandonment, withdrawal, and punishment. They’re inherently ambivalent, especially at the point of getting what they want. They’re not ambivalent before their partner shows up for them but then have a tendency to push away when they do show up because they’re anticipating the other shoe dropping.

NOTE: Attachment styles are not fixed personalities. This is simply a memory system that anticipates threat. It’s flexible. You might be between styles or find that you behave more like a wave in certain relationships and an island in others.

It’s important to learn your attachment styles so you can better be with the partner you picked. Any attachment style can form a secure-functioning relationship with this knowledge.

If you know how one another reacts under stress, you’ll be better able to prevent problems and care for each other when they occur. Without this knowledge, you could compound an issue by behaving in ways that amplify each other’s fears.

Islands and anchors, take a look at my profile to find the posts about your attachment styles.

15/07/2022

https://www.psyciencia.com/el-consumo-de-pornografia-afecta-el-desempeno-sexual-de-las-mujeres-y-hombres-pero-no-como-creias/

Según los datos de una investigación del Psychological Medicine, el consumo frecuente de pornografía tiene diferentes efectos en los hombres y mujeres jóvenes. En los hombres: entre más consumen po…

18/06/2022

11/06/2022

Ponentes como los investigadores internacionales Christiaan H. Vinkers, Ignacio Jarero y Deborah Korn abordarán la eficacia de la EMDR

02/06/2022

En 1997, con motivo del XIII Congreso Mundial de Sexología, celebrado en València, se hizo manifiesto por primera vez la «Declaración Universal de los Derechos Sexuales» o la llamada «Declaración d…

09/04/2022

We have to acknowledge that for as loving and kind as we can be, we can also be negative, reactive, and selfish. Our brains are wired for survival. That bent towards self-preservation is great in the wild but can work against us in our relationships.

The best way to prepare for this is to come up with “Shared Principles of Governance” with your partner. These principles are agreements that will act as guardrails for when you slip.

When one of you makes a mistake, you can be reminded of the agreement, and quickly repair the problem. Without a prior agreement, you can easily fall into an argument over who is “right” and who is “wrong.” You’ll be much better served if you work these issues out ahead of time when you’re both feeling calm.

13/02/2022

Escoger a una persona como pareja es una decisión trascendente. En función de la personalidad y los valores de ese...

18/05/2021

When apologizing, don’t explain yourself. The justification for your actions does not matter. What matters is that you fix the problem you caused. Replace your motivations or intentions with a specific apology for what you did and leave it at that.

The more time you spend justifying your actions, the harder it will be for your partner to believe you truly understand how you hurt them.

26/04/2021

A new book offers tools to help you avoid being overwhelmed by negative thoughts and feelings.