Inge Simonis Self-Love & Relationship Coach

22/05/2023

Our minds are programmed with many false beliefs that we have learned when we were growing up.

The mind needed to do that in order to protect us from feeling and experiencing painful emotions that we were not able to handle as a little child.

If our caregivers were not able to meet our emotional needs and we've experienced rejection, punishment, being judged and more,
you might have started to believe about yourself that you're not good enough or not worthy.

By believing this the mind thinks it's doing a good job because it made you behave in 'good' way in order to receive the love and approval you so much needed from your caregivers to feel safe and secure.

This worked well when we were little but is now, in adulthood, an outdated mechanism that is still operating within us and controlling most parts of our lives.

Many emotional symptoms like anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, anger, powerlessness, feeling stuck, numbness, jealousy are created by the words (false beliefs) we say to ourselves in our heads.

If you would like to regain control and learn more about identifying false beliefs, understand and replace them for more beneficial ones, you can schedule a free 45 min coaching session with me
by clicking on the link below ⬇️
ingesimoniscoaching.com/calendar

01/05/2023

If we didn't have caregivers who were able to attune to our emotional needs when we were growing up, we long for partners and relationships (friends too) were we'll get all of our needs met and we'll never be hurt in the ways we were hurt before.

So in some ways, because we haven't truly experienced emotional safety, our expectations might be a little off; we might get hurt by our partners behavior, and because the old wound is activated, we start feeling very unsafe and out of control again.

But the reality is that in any relationship we are going to disappoint each other;
we're going to have moments where we can't meet the other's needs, where our actions DO hurt feelings even though we do love and care about the other person.
Believe it or not, this happens in almost all relationships.

Part of working towards healthy and secure relationships is learning how to tune into you own needs and take emotionally care of yourself so that you can stay in connection with the other, even when your feelings are hurt.

When you connect with your own feelings and needs and regulate them it also helps us get better at discerning whether the behavior on the other side is a deal-breaker because we're able to use our wise mind; to be present with and attune to our hurt feelings, but also able to look at the situation with our rational mind to determine whether or not it's a hard no or something we can learn from.

Healthy relationships aren't about perfection; they're about the willingness to stay connected and navigate the good and the bad together and sometimes apart. They're about being willing to listen, to communicate, to grow and to fully show up as ourselves.

If you would like to know more about this topic you can send me a DM or schedule a free coaching session by clicking on the link below ⬇️
ingesimoniscoaching.com/calendar

01/03/2023

If you want to break free from people-pleasing behavior, here are some tips to help you get started:

🌀 Identify your people-pleasing behaviors: Take note of situations where you feel compelled to prioritize others' needs over your own.

🌀 Learn to set healthy boundaries:
Start by saying "no" when you need to and setting limits on your time and energy.

🌀 Practice self-care: Take care of your physical, emotional and mental well-being like you would do for the most cherished person in your life.

🌀 Identify and challenge any negative self-talk: Reframe your thoughts and focus on your strengths and accomplishments.

🌀 Prioritize self-discovery: Get to know yourself better by exploring who you truly are, your feelings, values, interests and
goals.

🌀 Find balance: Remember to prioritize your needs and wants while still being considerate of others. Practice saying "yes" to yourself just as often as you say "yes" to others.

Was this helpful? (let me know in the comments 🙂

If you would like to learn more about how to break free from people pleasing behavior, you can schedule a free 45 min coaching session with me by clicking on the link below👇
www.ingesimoniscoaching.com/calendar

10/02/2023

From my own experience I can tell this has been a challenging realization for me.
Many of us often tend to believe that our partner or people close to us are responsible for our wellbeing and the way we feel about ourselves in our relationship(s).

✨ If only he/she would change then I would feel or be more happy.....

✨ If only he/she would be more open and loving I would feel safe.....

✨ If he/she would prioritize me I would feel worthy and loved....

And the list goes on.....

For many of us this deeply rooted belief has been formed when we were growing up and has served a purpose.
However, as adults, this belief can create a lot of discord and unrealistic expectations within our relationship(s).

If you want to learn more you can schedule a free 45 min coaching session with me here ⬇️
ingesimoniscoaching.com/calendar

Disclaimer: If you're in a physical or emotional abusive relationship please reach out for professional help.

03/02/2023

Does it often feel as if other people, especially your partner, let you down?

Your disappointment isn't necessarily a sign that you're in the wrong relationship,
and it's not an indication that there's something wrong with you either.

Instead, it's a sign that you're experiencing a common feeling that will change the way you look at interactions between you and your partner, and anyone really.

✨
We expect from others what we are not giving to ourselves

✨
Most of us don't know we're suffering from a lack of self-love (this is not the same as being selfish) until we enter a relationship. Relationships and especially our intimate relationships, are a build-in self-love meter.

When you're all by yourself, you don't encounter the typical triggers that would indicate a lack of self-love.
But a relationship will stir up our deepest needs and fears.

✨
When you possess a full reservoir of self-love, you do not rely on your partner or others to fill you up, make you feel loved and worthy. Of course, there's nothing wrong with the wonderful feeling of being loved but you don't depend on it to feel good about yourself.

It wasn't up until I learned to love myself
(which is an ongoing process) that I could finally break the pattern of feeling unloved and unsatisfied in my relationship(s).

Would you like to learn more about loving yourself?
You can schedule a free 45 min coaching session with me by clicking on the link below 👇
https://ingesimoniscoaching.com/calendar

With Love
Inge ❤️

24/01/2023

Let's be honest; people-pleasing behavior can leave us exhausted. The sheer idea of saying 'no' to someone can be terrifying even if done most politely and kindly.

As a veteran people pleaser I know how scared I was that if I’d set boundaries, I would be perceived as an unkind, rude, selfish and difficult person by my partner, children, family and friends.

✨
The first thing to learn to set boundaries as a recovering people-pleaser is addressing your belief that boundaries are selfish and building a deep understanding of why it is not.

✨
As humans, we'd like to think of things in black and white, like we are either good or bad, selfish or selfless, completely ignoring that there are stages in between.

However, it's important to remember that there is a spectrum of most things, including selfishness.

✨
You can:
- consider your own needs AND the needs of others
- help others AND allow yourself to receive help from others
- take time to take care of yourself AND give care to others
-respect yourself AND respect others

The truth is that setting boundaries is an important aspect of having a healthy relationship with yourself and others.

Is the fear of being selfish and what others think of you holding you back?
Do you want to take your recovery from people-pleasing in your own hands?

If so, you can schedule a free 45 min online coaching session with me by clicking on the link below 👇
https://ingesimoniscoaching.com/calendar

With Love
Inge 🧡

13/01/2023

04/02/2020

Love it when clients have great and transforming results

26/10/2019

Dear All,
If you are looking to experience more Empowerment, Happiness and Love within yourself, you are in the right place.

This course is all about aligning yourself with your Inner Being, the place in you where your True Power resides.

You will gain understanding of your inner beliefs and thoughts that are holding you back, or sabotaging you, and learning to change these patterns so they will become aligned with what you truly want for yourself.

Are you ready to dive into this exciting journey?

I am :) and hope to see you soon!

Love Inge

14/09/2019

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