07/06/2024
The Gate of Death
Dr. Harper sat quietly in his softly lit office, the air thick with unspoken fears and unacknowledged truths. Across from him, James, a man in his late sixties, shifted uneasily in his chair, his eyes betraying the anxiety that had gripped him for years.
“Dr. Harper,” James began, his voice tinged with a mixture of desperation and resignation, “I can’t stop thinking about death. It’s like a black shadow that follows me everywhere. I’ve tried to ignore it, to push it away, but it’s always there. When I am alone,I feel terror and try my best to distract myself from these dark thoughts but they follow me, specially when there's silence. I’m so afraid of dying.”
Dr. Harper leaned forward, his expression gentle but firm. “James, I understand how paralysing that fear can be. I’d like to try something with you today that might help. It’s a visualization exercise. Are you willing to give it a try?”
James hesitated for a moment, then nodded. “I’ll try anything.”
“Good,” Dr. Harper said, his voice soothing. “I want you to close your eyes and imagine that you’re standing at the gate of death. You’re not crossing through it, but you’re right there, looking at it. I am here by your side. Take a deep breath and really place yourself in that moment.”
James closed his eyes, his breathing shallow, his heart racing as he imagined the scene. “I see it,” he murmured. “It’s dark, desolate and foreboding. I feel a chill just standing here.”
“Stay with that feeling,” Dr. Harper instructed. “Now, think about your life as it is now. What have you been avoiding or putting off because of your fear of death?”
A tear slipped down James’ cheek. “I’ve avoided so much,” he whispered. “I’ve held back from taking risks, from experiencing new things. I’ve been so afraid of dying that I haven’t really been living.”
Dr. Harper nodded. “Imagine now that you can step back from that gate. Look around at your life. What do you see?”
James’ face contorted with emotion. “I see missed opportunities. I see relationships that I didn’t nurture because I was too scared. I see all the time wasted trying to make relationships work that were doomed from the beginning, failed dreams, words unsaid. Chasing after security and safety I see a man who’s been so consumed by the unknown and the fear of what comes after that he forgot to live in the moment, always planing, always avoiding, always running.”
“Exactly,” Dr. Harper said softly. “Many people, like you, get robbed of fully living because they’re caught up in imagining scenarios some fantastical, some terrifying. These thoughts can become a prison, trapping you in a cycle of fear of a future that doesn't exist or avoiding your reality and preventing you from experiencing the richness of life.”
James’ voice trembled. “But what if there is nothing after this? What if this is all we have?”
“Then we must make the most of it,” Dr. Harper replied. “Imagine that this life is all there is. Every moment becomes precious, every interaction meaningful. The finality of death doesn’t have to be something to dread; it can be a powerful motivator to live fully, to embrace every experience.”
James opened his eyes, the room feeling both darker and more intimate. “I’ve wasted so much time being afraid,” he said, his voice cracking. “I don’t want to waste any more.”
“Then don’t,” Dr. Harper said gently. “Step away from that gate and into the light of your life. Feel the warmth of the sun, the beauty of the world around you. Engage with it fully, without fear. The present is all we truly have.”
James took a deep breath, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders. “I want to live,” he said simply. “Really live. Not just exist in anxious imaginings or fear.”
“Then start today,” Dr. Harper encouraged. “Let go of the need to appear constantly positive and caring. Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions, even the dark ones. It’s okay to acknowledge your fears and anxieties. It’s okay to rage and to cry. By confronting these feelings, you can begin to heal and live more authentically.”
James nodded, a sense of resolve settling in. “I see that now. I’ve been trying to be someone I’m not, always nice, always positive, only the mirror in my bathroom has seen me cry in desperation, it’s tearing me apart inside. I need to be real, to feel everything.”
“And as you do,” Dr. Harper said, “you’ll find that life, with all its darkness and light, is richer and more fulfilling. You’ll connect more deeply with others and, most importantly, with yourself.”
James stood up, a new determination in his eyes. “Thank you, Dr. Harper. I feel like I’m finally ready to step back from that gate and truly live.”
Dr. Harper smiled warmly. “It’s never too late to start living, James. Embrace the journey, every part of it. The fear of death doesn’t have to overshadow the beauty of life.”
As James left the office, he felt a renewed sense of purpose. He no longer saw death as a looming threat but as a reminder to cherish every moment he had. He was ready to face his fears, to live authentically, and to find joy in the fleeting, precious gift of life.