CBT & Counselling Kent

26/05/2022

Skills for Overcoming Anxiety

Anxiety is both a mental and physical state of expecting a negative outcome. Mentally, it is characterised by increased apprehension and intense worry. Physically, it activates a multitude of unpleasant, physical bodily responses to an unknown danger – whether real or imagined.

The cognitive (thoughts) of dread are in anticipation of a bad outcome. The physical sensations such as shaking and a racing heart are designed to give us discomfort. The basic function of anxiety is to capture our attention and stimulate us to make the necessary changes to protect ourselves or what we care about. Occasional bouts of anxiety are natural and can even be productive. However, anxiety is also evoked by a particularly unhelpful way of thinking, which eventually becomes a habit.

Read more https://www.cbtandcounsellingkent.co.uk/skills-for-overcoming-anxiety/

11/05/2022

14/03/2022

Accepting the Discomfort of Anxiety

When you are in a heightened state of anxiety, if someone was to ask you to ‘sit with the discomfort’ you would probably think that it was far too challenging. However, by doing so would mean you are a taking a huge step forward in changing your behaviour and overcoming your anxiety.

But what does ‘sit with the discomfort actually mean?’ In simple terms, it is allowing yourself to be comfortable with the discomfort. To sit through the difficult feelings without running away from them (avoiding them)

People who experience anxiety often use distractions to try and mask difficult emotions. This can range from comfort eating after a row with a partner or friend, drinking alcohol, to throwing ourselves into work. All of these are avoidance tactics. The key word here is ‘avoidance’ because when we constantly use distractions, we side step having to actually engage with any difficult feelings. The problem with this of course, is that the feelings don’t just go away. Which means we have to keep on ‘managing’ them in the same, unhelpful way.

The physical symptoms

The physical symptoms of anxiety can be very unpleasant – racing heart and palpitations, unsettled tummy, feeling hot or tingling, shaky legs, mind racing and not thinking clearly. Human beings have anxiety to warn us of danger, creating fear. If we are faced with a wild animal or a speeding car then fear is a reasonable reaction because we are actually in danger.

But if you think about the last time you felt anxious – were you actually in danger? What would have happened if, instead of distracting yourself and avoiding the feelings, you simply acknowledged them, faced them, and sat with them. Would anything dangerous actually happen? Or would they eventually pass?

Noticing how we feel and accepting it, irrespective of whether it’s a positive or negative experience, is a mindfulness practice. There is a brain activity associated mindfulness which actually helps to make sense of it because there is an increased activation in a region of our brain located behind the frontal lobe. This area is involved in the planning and suppressing of impulsive reactions, which in turn enables us to make more rational/effective decisions in challenging situations.

Sitting with uncomfortable feelings, rather than reacting immediately or distracting yourself, means that you can start to relate to those feelings differently. By allowing yourself to experience them also allows you to actually see that you are not in danger and the feelings of anxiety won’t hurt you and ultimately, they will pass.

A common problem with people who experience anxiety are the ‘demands’ they hold, even though this is usually subconscious. For example, we tell ourselves we ‘should’ be happy all the time and we ‘must’ never feel uncomfortable. Just forget the ‘shoulds and musts’! ‘Demanding’ something doesn’t guarantee it will or won’t happen – demands just keep the negative emotion of anxiety going.

Learning to ‘accept’ negative emotions

It is ok to feel anxious or unhappy sometimes. Try to get into the habit of observing your emotions without judgement. Perhaps you are anxious because you are worried that you may have upset a friend or partner. Acknowledge your emotions – be honest about how you really feel and why. We tend to talk ourselves out of difficult emotions but it is important to get into the habit of ‘acceptance’ instead.

Letting yourself feel those negative emotions without excuses or judgements. Accepting our negative emotions, doesn’t mean we have to like them, it’s about learning to know when can of course tolerate them. Will they last forever if we just sit with them for a while? Of course not. Will they cause us any harm if we let them play out without distraction? No, because feelings don’t hurt us.

Sitting with our emotions can be challenging at first. But it’s a skill that you can learn with practice and it can be much less tiring than constantly trying to practice avoidance.

If you would like some professional help to learn how to sit with the uncomfortable feelings of anxiety. Contact us at CBT and Counselling today. Click -

12/01/2022

How Annoying is Your Partner?

There is lots of advice available about what to look for in a life partner. Such as honesty, shared values, chemistry, consideration and so on. However, we don’t often think too much about the negative traits we are willing to accept and accommodate in a long-term relationship.

Even the best relationships has its challenges. So maybe the best thing to focus on is not necessarily what we want out of a relationship question to ask ourselves is “What am I willing to tolerate in my long-term partner?" Read more https://relationshipcounsellingkent.co.uk/how-annoying-is-your-partner-marriage-counselling/

05/05/2021

What is Health Anxiety?

Health anxiety is an irrational worry about having an illness or disease. Those affected by health anxiety have an obsessional preoccupation with the idea that they are currently (or will be) experiencing an illness/disease.

They might spend hours on the Internet researching health information. When they get a sore throat, they automatically think it could be something serious, such as throat cancer and dismiss the fact that it is probably just the start of a cold. Even when GP tests come back negative, it only gives temporary relief before the anxiety about another symptom starts again.

Although some people refuse to be examined by their doctors, through of fear of discovering the worst. Others constantly seek reassurance from their GP, insisting on repeated medical tests.

Visits to the A&E are also common in health anxiety. However, once seen by a doctor, the vicious cycle quickly resumes as new thoughts and physical sensations surface. Followed by more interpretations and more visits to doctors, in the search for certainty that there is nothing wrong with them. Read more http://bit.ly/HealthAnxietyCBT

25/01/2021

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - Skills to Beat Anxiety

The problem of uncertainty

Numerous studies have shown that an intolerance of uncertainty is a key factor in evoking anxiety. People who believe they cannot tolerate uncertainty often procrastinate, avoid situations, seek constant reassurance and/or carry out excessive checking.

Ref - Carleton et al “Certain About Uncertainty” https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22366534/ 2012 (accessed 22 January 2021)

Because uncertainty is distressing for some of us, many people try to control or eliminate it altogether. For instance, when a person with OCD washes their hands compulsively, they’re really trying to control the uncertainty of getting contaminated.

Or, when a person with health anxiety believes there is something wrong, they try to control their discomfort by ‘Googling’ their symptoms or making an appointment with their GP to gain certainty they are not ill.

In reality, these compulsive behaviours only provide a temporary relief from distress and instead. only intensify the obsession. Avoidance also feeds the original fear and it keeps growing and growing.

Learn to recognise rumination.

Rumination is the process of continuously worrying about the same thoughts. Thoughts that tend to be negative or dark. The habit of rumination impacts mental health because it can prolong or intensify anxiety - as well as impairing your ability to think and process emotions rationally.

The best thing to do when you're ruminating is to accept the thoughts as ‘just thoughts’ We cannot control our thoughts and neither do they do us any harm. The only control we have over our thoughts is how we respond to them.

Therefore, by allowing them to pass in their own time rather than trying to block them out lessens the impact on our emotions. It is also helpful to recognise that your thoughts might not be accurate/factual so and by trying to avoid distressing thoughts just increases the intensity and intrusion of the thoughts you're trying not to have.

Recognising unhelpful thought distortions.

Cognitive distortions, also known as thought distortions are habitual, irrational ways of thinking, that are usually inaccurate and negatively biased. They are irrational because they are rarely fact based and tend to be based on something that hasn’t happened the ‘what if’s’

Cognitive distortions tend to develop over time, in response to adverse events. They are often reinforced through our thoughts and what we tell ourselves.

“I have got a pain in my chest, I must have cancer”

“My husband is late home. It’s raining, his car must be upside down in a ditch “

These are all classic examples of cognitive distortions: thought patterns that cause people to view reality in inaccurate — usually negative — ways. In short, they’re habitual errors in thinking. When you experience cognitive distortions, your interpretation of events are usually negatively biased.

Most people experience cognitive distortions from time to time. But the continual reinforcement can increase anxiety, lead to depression and cause relationship difficulties.

Different types of thought distortions

Polarised thinking
Sometimes called black or white or all or nothing thinking. This distortion occurs when people get into the habit of thinking in extremes.

When you’re convinced that you’re either destined for success or doomed to failure, that the people in your life are either angelic or evil, you are probably engaging in polarised thinking.

This kind of distortion is both unrealistic and unhelpful because most of the time reality exists somewhere between the two extremes.

Catastrophising

Catastrophising is another form of distorted thinking. This is when someone assumes that the worst will happen (even though they are often not sure what the worst really is) It involves believing that you are in a worse situation than you really are - or exaggerating the difficulties you face.

When people catastrophise when faced with the unknown or an uncertain situation, any ordinary concerns quickly escalate.

For example, if a self-employed person has no work for a period of time, they may catastrophise that, as a consequence, that they may not be able to pay rent/mortgage and the whole family will be homeless and starving.

Alternatively, for people who experience health anxiety - a chest pain can quickly escalate to them believing they having a heart attack and will ultimately die.

Demands

Demands are when people find themselves thinking in terms of what they “should” or “shouldn’t “do or what they “want or “don’t want” Demands don’t change anything – they only increase anxiety.

When we start accepting our thoughts instead of demanding we don’t have them - they tend to go away. This means, changing our internal language from a demand such as “I don’t want to keep worrying, I can’t bear it” to a preference, such as “It would be nice if I worried less- but worries won’t hurt me. I may not like it, but I know I can tolerate it”

Emotional reasoning

Emotional reasoning is the false belief that your emotions are the truth and the way you feel about a situation means it is fact.

There is a very true saying “just because I feel bad doesn’t mean it actually is bad”

Emotional reasoning is a common cognitive distortion. It’s a pattern of thinking that’s used by people with and without anxiety or depression.

The key is recognising thought distortions is to ask yourself "What am thinking exactly when I feel distressed?" What exactly am I worried about?" It is important to be clear on this because some thoughts are likely to be cognitive distortion.

How to help yourself

Work through anxious thoughts

Cognitive restructuring is a powerful way to get more comfortable with uncertainty. The basic idea is to no longer ‘blindly’ accept the automatic negative thoughts and instead develop the skill of challenging them.

For example, if the thought is “I can’t bear not knowing about….” Replace it with this more realistic/rational thought: “I would prefer it if I could be certain about…. I don’t like it but I can deal with it.”

The use of mindfulness techniques.

Mindfulness is a type of meditation in which you focus on being intensely aware of what you're sensing and feeling in the moment, without interpretation or judgment. Practicing mindfulness involves breathing methods and other practices to relax the body and mind and help reduce stress.

Be kind to yourself

Criticising or getting frustrated with yourself when you make a mistake or behave in a way you don't happen to like, is likely to lead to rumination and avoidance. Research has shown that by accepting and talking kindly to yourself, not only helps you feel better, it also increases the motivation for self-improvement.

Seek professional CBT help

CBT can help by bringing awareness to the thoughts which lead to distorted thinking patterns about yourself and your situation
CBT is about taking ‘emotional responsibility’ for your feelings. That doesn’t mean you are to ‘blame’ but it does mean you (as we all are) responsible for how you respond to things.

CBT is not about making you ‘happy’ when negative situations arise or people behave in a way that you don’t happen to like. CBT is about enabling you to be rational in such an event by dealing in fact and evidence as opposed to your interpretation or beliefs.

If you would like to make an appointment to see one of our professional CBT therapists click here https://www.cbtandcounsellingkent.co.uk/contact-us/