25/11/2025
To the fine gentlemen of Ashton-under-Lyne who decided to help themselves to our three artificial hanging baskets outside our Funeral Directors on Mossley Road: thank you for doing it right in front of our CCTV cameras. Truly, your confidence is inspiring.
And to the gentleman in the hi-viz jacket: excellent choice. Nothing says “I definitely don’t want to be noticed” quite like wearing the brightest outfit possible while committing petty theft.
We sincerely hope the baskets look stunning outside your home, they certainly brightened ours before you decided to adopt them. Anyone willing to steal plastic flowers from a Funeral Directors on a floodlit main road in front of CCTV clearly has bigger problems than we can help with.
If anyone recognises these criminal masterminds (I initially thought it was the Chuckle Brothers at first, but on closer inspection, it wasn’t), please get in touch.
The incident took place Wednesday 19th at 10:30 PM peak hour for gardening theft and world-class stupidity.
All jokes aside, this is theft and criminal damage to not only a local family business but to a local funeral home. We hope the individuals involved see sense and return the baskets, or that anyone who may have unknowingly purchased them will do the right thing. We’ve every faith the community will help us put this right.
