Verdant Haven Counselling

10/09/2021

Today is a day for every single person. Not just those who are struggling, not just for those who have lost someone, not just for mental health support services ... everyone!

For those who might be struggling, I know it might take so much strength and energy, more than you feel like you have right now, but reach out to someone, there are so many people and services that want to sit alongside you (even if it's not saying a word).

For those of you who have lost people you love to su***de, you are not alone. There are so many thoughts and feelings that come from loss it can feel chaotic and overwhemling. There are people who want to hear about those loved ones, who want to remember them with you, despite the confusion of emotions that might come with that. Talk to someone.

For those of you who have been through those feelings of not wanting to be here anymore, through those thoughts of 'everyone would be better off if I wasn't here' or 'no-one would even notice if I was gone' and have come out the other side, celebrate that! Find someone to share your story with so that you can recognise what you have gone through and yet here you are, still standing, with a voice. And that voice is so invaluable.

And for those of you who don't get it, who don't understand, who haven't experienced or seen everything that comes hand in hand with su***de, I ask you to ask questions. Be curious. Learn and inform yourself. Start here: https://www.samaritans.org/about-samaritans/research-policy/su***de-facts-and-figures/latest-su***de-data/ ... who knows, you might save a life.

Today is World Su***de Prevention Day, a day where not just one or two people stand together but the entire world reaches out a hand and says "I'm here. You aren't alone. We can do this together."

Be part of it!

10/10/2018

http://www.verdanthaven.co.uk/blog/i-am/

I Am … Two of the most powerful words to be spoken to ourselves. They give a sense of anticipation. They can be the starting block to build up or to knock down. The ‘I’ gives us responsibility, the ‘am’ gives us ownership. Together, they can form identity. Our identity. Take a moment to fi...

10/10/2018

This week is Baby Loss Awareness Week. More than 60 charities across the UK have come together to speak about, raise awareness and facilitate changes in the support offered to those who have experienced the loss of a child.
I, myself, have done specialised training in pregnancy and infancy loss as a way to offer some sort of support for those who have experienced the life altering impact that such a loss has.
While this week is important for so many, I am all to aware that individuals do not only feel the pain for this one week, it is real in their every day life. If you or someone you know wishes to talk do not hesitate to contact one of the many wonderful charities who offer specialised advice, support and care. Alternatively feel free to contact me and we, together, we can talk through your experience and the impact this has had on yourself and your life.

21/09/2018

26 Letters What is below has been written by someone who wishes to stay anonymous but would like to share their words with others, in the hope that it can give encouragement, comfort and maybe even hope of their own. They started by sharing it with a group of people who had experienced similar losse...

11/04/2018

04/04/2018

A Map. ‘What do you think I should do?’ is a question I have been asked more times than I can count. I get a client here and there who knows my opinion on the words ‘should’ and ‘shouldn’t’ so will ask ‘what would you do?’ instead, but the seeking of an answer to their troubles is ...

29/01/2018

Today you find me surrounded by books, notebooks, pens, highlighters and sticky notes. While I may have graduated some time ago, this setup is very similar to how I would study for an exam. However, this time, there is no exam, just a young person going through an experience which I am trying my hardest to make sense of.
By that I don’t mean I can’t understand what they are saying, or that I am confused by what is being said, far from it in fact. The wonderful thing about working with teenagers is that if they have reached the stage where they want to see their school counsellor, they are usually ready to talk. So, no, I am not trying to make sense of the words this young person is saying, I’m trying to make sense of why some young people (well all people really) sometimes have to go through heart breaking, life changing situations. Unfortunately, my books don’t answer those questions, however, what they do is give me the comfort of knowing that other’s have battled with the same questions I have, and, through their experience and learning, they have written about how they have walked with another through those difficult situations.
So today I am reading up on Grief and Bereavement, a subject which I have a fair amount of experience in. With a background in health care I have seen the complexities of loss and death. I have sat with many family members as their loved ones slip away, I have been part of teams supporting individuals coming to terms with the fact they have a terminal illness. However, I think it’s important to remember that, loss does not always mean death. Grief is not always over a life no longer with us, and bereavement comes in many forms. For some it can be due to an accident or injury which has contributed to a disability, causing a sense of loss over what was before. For others, it can be that a loved one is slowly losing who they were due to illness’ such as Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s. In some situations, it can be that individuals have had to move away from somewhere they felt safe and at home to a new place which may seem unfamiliar and intimidating. All of these, and many more, are just as valid a reason to feel grief as any of the others.
Why are you reading up on something you are familiar with then? I hear you ask. Why are you trying to make sense of something as common as loss? It’s quite simple really. Have you ever looked into the eyes of a teenager as they speak about someone they love who they know is dying or has just died? No matter how often I have faced it in the past, it never becomes easier. So here I am, finding myself looking through the books, which I know almost off by heart, hoping that this time I might find magic words that will make it all better and wishing that I didn’t already know the truth, that it is going to be a difficult journey for that person sat in front of me, never mind what age they are. That doesn’t stop me searching and studying and rereading, because maybe, somewhere in my deepest hopes, I’ll learn new ways to walk with those suffering a bereavement which will help them to feel a sense of things being OK again. That maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to look that young person in the eyes and say, ‘I know it hurts more than words can describe, I know it feels like nothing will ever be the same, but I also know that together we’ll find a way through’ and know that some day they'll reach the point where they will smile when they think of that person and not cry, and I'll know that that is a good enough answer to the pain.

03/01/2018

Welcome to 2018 everyone.
It feels like life is slowly returning back to normal after the festive season. Routine seems to be falling into place, for me at any rate.

I spent time reflecting over 2017 during that limbo week between Christmas and New Year. I thought of my accomplishments, my mishaps, my relationships and, most proudly, my business. Setting up my own counselling practice was one of those dreams I’ve had for a number of years but I thought it was one of those airy, far off, possibilities that maybe, one day, would happen. However, thanks to the support of many, I was able to make that dream into a reality.

Verdant Haven isn’t just a job for me. Counselling isn’t just something I do because it needs to be done. I love what I do. I feel honoured to be able to share in so many different people's lives. It is a privilege to have individuals come to me when they are feeling vulnerable or lost or hurting and decide they would like me to walk their journey with them.

So, as 2018 starts, it also brings some new opportunities for myself here at Verdant Haven Counselling. I will be expanding to working with secondary school aged young people, an age group which I have always been involved with in my personal life but have chosen to support in my professional work also. I am also starting the long journey and challenge of learning Sign Language so that I will, hopefully, one day have the opportunity to support those with hearing loss and impairment within my counselling room without the need for a translator to also be in the room.

I know that, for many, the start of a new year comes with a list of goals. It is often a time where individuals feel they have a chance at a new start. The most common of these goals is generally weight loss and physical health. For others, it may be less of a physical transformation they desire, but a bettering or development of themselves, either through maintaining a better self-care routine or choosing to explore a different outlook on situations and life. There are just as many people who decide that there is no point in making resolutions or goal setting at the start of the year because they can only set one up to fail.

Whatever your view is on the start of a new year, I want to encourage you to take a moment and assess your mental and emotional well being going into 2018. Whether you are a person who makes and keeps your goals, makes and fails to keep them or decides not to make any at all, this is still a good time to take a moment and look at how you are doing. Perhaps last year was extremely difficult for you and coming into 2018 fills you with a sense of dread at what this year will bring. It could be that you are choosing to ignore what has happened in the past year and are entering 2018 full of positivity and wanting to make the most of it. Maybe you are thinking that, actually, last year was brilliant and you hope this coming year will be too. It could be that you feel like you’re stuck in a rut or feel trapped in your situation and want to take a step forward this year. On the other hand you could feel like everything has happened very suddenly and you kind of free fell through last year and want a little more stability or purpose this coming year. I know there have been many losses and heart breaking situations in many individuals' lives this past year and it could be that you are one of those people and unsure how to carry on without those people, places or situations in your life anymore, making this coming year seem quite daunting.

Wherever you feel you are at the moment, I’d like to encourage you. Check in with yourself. If you find that difficult, talk it through with a friend or family member who you trust. If you feel that you don’t want to share your thoughts and processing with those in your personal circle of friends and family, think about coming to see a counsellor like myself. Counselling isn’t just for those with big issues, or have ‘real’ problems to work through. Counselling is a space where it is all about you and, if you are willing to, it can be a place where you can air how you see yourself, others and/or the world around you. It can be a place where you have the chance to explore why you think, feel and act the way you do. Where you can work through situations, worries, life changes, basically anything. We live in a world that is busy and full, counselling is a good place to be able to stop for a while and truly look at how you are doing.

If you are unsure if counselling is something you would like to try or even something that you need, then feel free to contact me and we can meet for a free initial session to talk and see if it could be something you would like to explore further. There are no obligations or expectations for that initial meeting.

08/12/2017

‘For a long time, I was afraid to be who I am because I was taught … that there’s something wrong with someone like me. Something offensive, something you would avoid, maybe even pity. Something that you could never love. I was afraid of this parade because I wanted so badly to be a part of it. So today, I’m marching for that part of me that was once too afraid to march. And for all the people who can’t march … the people living lives like I did. Today, I march to remember that I’m not just a me, I’m also a we. And we march with pride.” – Sense8

This is a quote from a TV show, and the character who says it is a transgender woman who has a wonderful and powerful story of rejection and acceptance. A woman whose own family struggle to accept her as the person she has chosen to be.
You may not be a person who is struggling with your sexuality specifically, it may be that, instead, you are struggling with accepting who you are in other ways. Perhaps you have been given a diagnosis which you feel has trapped you into a perceived identity. Maybe you have lost someone, through separation or death, and feel like you can’t find who you are without them in your life. Or it could be that you relate with the character in the show and you are struggling with your sexuality and/or who you feel drawn to identifying yourself as. With any of these, and many more that I haven’t mentioned, you could feel ashamed, scared, trapped, unsafe, confused. Maybe you’ve been told, or feel, that no one could ever love you or accept you because of how you are or want to be. I want you to know that you are not alone.

While each person’s life is unique and completely individual, there are often aspects that we may recognise in another person’s story. We may identify something similar to our own experiences in the life of another. You are not alone. There are others who are further ahead in their stories than you are. You do not need to be alone on your journey. There are people marching in life’s parade for those who are too afraid to march. Too hurting to march. Too exhausted to march. Too confined by their circumstances and situations to march. They are cheering you on through all the difficulties. You may not feel they are there. You may never get the chance to meet them, but you are not alone. Today there are people marching for you, wanting to walk alongside you, to support you, to take the journey with you, all the highs and all the lows.

We want to walk with you so that you can always remember that you are no longer a me but a we. So that one day you can look back on the journey you have taken and feel pride. So that you can stand and look at yourself and know that you are worth being loved, worth being accepted. Right now it may feel impossible, so let us hold the hope for you, just for now, and let us support you through your march.

20/10/2017

This week I've been doing some amazing training on a subject which is painful, heart-breaking and an issue which people are scared of. The loss of an infant or child.

Loss of any sort is ... well difficult isn't strong enough ... devastating, life altering, painful. And, while we may experience many losses in our lives, whether it be a job, a friendship, or a death, the impact can vary because each situation is individual, each person is unique.

Bereavement and grief is unique to each one of you. The words "I should be over this by now" are meaningless because no one can determine what your 'should' is except yourself.

There are more parents who have lost an infant than we want to admit, and sadly, there are many stories out there of parents and families who have gone through this horrific pain and not been supported by professionals. That's why I chose to do this training. I have already done Bereavement and Grief training however this is completely unique, and I wanted to learn and understand what parents and their families need when they are going through this particular type of loss, this type of pain, this situation which 'happens to other people', especially since those needs aren't being met at a consistent standard.

Whatever type of loss you are experiencing or have experienced, please come and talk to me or another counselling professional. You are not alone. This is not a journey of pain which you have to travel by yourself. Together we can find ways to love, honour and remember those precious ones who are no longer with us.

I want to add that if you feel that you can't receive help and support because of financial reasons please still contact me or another counsellor, often we have reduced rates or contacts with charities and support networks who are able to help in that area. Please don't keep going on alone just because you 'have to be strong' or because you 'should be over this by now', there are people who truly want to support you during the most challenging of times.

11/10/2017

I've been thinking about choices a lot today. The paths we have or have not taken. The decisions that have been a huge part of where we are in our lives just now.
Sometimes making a choice can be really easy, like picking out what socks to wear today (may I suggest fluffy and warm!) but more often than not, the big choices that have the most impact can be much more challenging and complicated.
These bigger choices can get caught, cycling our minds, almost becoming the only thing we can focus on at times. Going over and over every alternate outcome and consequence.
Even after we've made the decision, it may sometimes feel like the new cycle is 'did I make the right choice?', 'what if I chose wrong?', 'what if I regret this for the rest of my life?'. Sadly, we can not always predict what the future will look like after we have made a choice. Those 'what ifs' can only be answered in time. However that does not mean that your concerns around the decision you have made is not important or worth thinking about.
I have found that sometimes, when we talk through both the choices we are faced with and the decisions we make, it can help organise our thoughts a little. Counselling is a great space for that. You get to sit with a person who has no bias and who has the ultimate outside view of a situation. This is time where you are allowed to focus fully on yourself and what is on your mind.
There is a very important group of people who I do not want to forget while we are talking about choices and those are the people who find even the 'smaller' choices, including what socks to wear, challenging. Those people who may struggle with thoughts circulating their mind over and over again, trying to make what so many people may see as insignificant decisions. I want to acknowledge that no decision or choice is unimportant. If it matters to you then it is important! I hear the words 'I should just get over it' and 'I know it shouldn't bother me so much' all the time and I want you to know that if that is how you feel then you are welcome to come talk about the same thing over and over and over again, and together we can talk through every option, every viewpoint, every concern. Together we can look for a way to break those repetitive thoughts, to change the cycle that is continually going through your mind, even if it is about something which you have previously been told is not important or insignificant.

03/10/2017

University is an amazing experience for most people. Some find new freedom of living away from family, others thrive on meeting new people and having new experiences. For those who have already been at university for a couple of years, or are there as mature students, the initial novelty may have worn off, but there is still a joy found in knowing that these are the steps to take towards a dream career in the near future.
Despite there being many things to experience and enjoy during university years, there are also big obstacles which may seem to loom and intimidate even the most relaxed students. It could be finances, academic expectations, dissertation writing, exams, broken relationships, or maybe it's something more complex, something which you can't quite put a finger on.
Whatever comes your way, it's important to know that you aren't alone. Most universities and colleges have a counselling department with people there who are trained to walk with you through those times of challenge and struggles. If you don't feel like you want to speak to someone that close to home then look for local, private counselling services, like Verdant Haven Counselling, and ask if they will reduce their fee for students.
Counselling isn't just for people with 'big problems', it's for anyone who feels that they could do with having a space which is just for them, a place where they can talk through struggles they are facing. Whether it's stress due to your work load or your uncertain about your sexual identity, homesickness or a diagnosed mental health illness counselling is for you, genuinely solely for you to be you.

29/08/2017

With the end of summer comes many changes. For some it's the start of a new adventure, for others it may feel as though they are loosing something they have treasured.
I've had a mixed response to what this time of year means to different people. I know some parents are saying goodbye to their children, packing up every possible house hold object they can think of, as they go to university, and others are worried about sending their tiny little babies, in over sized uniforms off to school for the first time.
For some the idea of the long summer days drawing to an end and bringing with it shorter, darker days, can bring a sense of heaviness and the feeling of impending sadness.
There are some who find great joy at this time of year. Finally life is returning to normal, the shops and parks will no longer be filled with children and noise. There will be a returning to comfortable routine.

Wherever you sit in your feelings surrounding the end of summer take a moment to check in with yourself. How are you? Answer yourself truthfully. You may feel you are in a great place, that life is amazing at the moment. Take note of what it is that is making you and your life so wonderful at the moment. However you may feel that actually, you've only just been holding on, that you've been keeping yourself busy so that you don't have to think about how much your are hurting or feel lost or, maybe, are completely numb.

Counselling isn't just for people who are struggling or have 'really bad issues'. Counselling is for anyone who wants to stop and take time to explore where they are just now. For those who wish to reflect where they have come from and where they wish to go in the future. Counselling is also for those who feel as though they have lost their way, lost that sense of who they are or who they want to be. Counselling is a space where you can just be you. Where you have someone to bounce your thoughts, feelings, hopes, pains and hurts off. You don't have to have big problems or issues or dramas to come see a counsellor but if you do this is a space which is safe for you to share those things which you may be struggling with.

Feel free to contact me and we can arrange an initial assessment to see if counselling is something you feel is right for you during this time of change.