22/12/2025
I was never much of a drinker 🍷
Wine? I could take it or leave it. I only touched it on nights out
Then 2016 smashed my world to pieces. And I didn’t cope, at all
Cue the classic “I’m fine” act for about a year 🫣
Spoiler: I wasn’t
So I f*cked off to Italy and Canada with a case full of self-help books, pretending I was healing. I wasn’t healing. I was hiding
I started sipping wine here and there and before I knew it, it was most nights. Then every night. It spiralled fast. I honestly thought I’d end up dead or lose everything
Eighteen months of pure chaos
I felt out of control, ashamed, anxious, bloated, depressed, the full bingo card of misery and self loathing but I felt like I couldn’t get a grip
Then one morning, hungover and barely functioning, I looked in the mirror and thought:
“You either keep ruining your life… or you stop. Now.”
So I stopped.
Was it easy? No. It was hell
But I journaled daily. Made a brutal list of reasons to stay sober. Asked for help. Focused on feeling better, not just “being fine.”
Distracted myself when cravings hit. Did two years of therapy. Faced the truth. Owned the mess. And did what I genuinely thought was impossible.
I stayed sober, a day, a week, a month, six months, a year
Recently, I went back to therapy. And yeah, it’s f*cking hard. I’ve sat in the car sobbing. I’ve had sleepless nights
But here’s what I know for sure:
Not doing the work feels WORSE
Worse than the tears. Worse than the therapy. Worse than the effort
If I skip the walks, the workouts, the goals, the conversations , I could spiral again
And I’ve had enough of feeling like sh*t
Not drinking has taught me that hard things make me feel strong. The more hard stuff I do, the more I know I can do. The more I’m willing to try
And my boys, they deserve a healed Mum, a happy Mum. I didn’t have them to place my trauma on their shoulders
What have you done this year that’s been hard? Whats it taught you?
Carly ###