Kingsclere Counselling Service

29/08/2025

It's very nearly September. Before our social media feeds become flooded with pictures of smiling faces by front doors - I just wanted to say that if it's not like that for you and your child, that's ok. Social media can make it seem like everyone else is nailing it, but if going back to school is difficult in your household YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Whilst some may be looking forward to seeing friends, welcoming routine and returning to clubs and activities, and parents might be relived that the summer work / childcare juggle is over for another year, the return to school can be really challenging for many.

If you know a young person that could do with some support, or perhaps you are finding it hard to deal with some of the the issues parenting and schooling brings, please get in touch and see how we can help.

14/08/2025

Today a tomato made me jump!
I have a fear of Spiders.... I HATE them!
When I caught sight of the top of a tomato (calyx - fun fact!) out the corner of my eye - I thought it was a spider and I panicked.

This is a great example of what happens with hypervigilance and anxiety.

🍅 Because I am so scared of spiders, my brain is constantly subconsciously scanning for them (hypervigilance).

🍅 It does this to try and protect me - to help me avoid being in a fearful unpleasant situation again.

🍅 On this occasion, it saw something it thought was a spider and hit the panic button

🍅 My body flooded with adrenaline in response and I ended up in a state of fear - a false alarm. All because of a tomato!

This is what anxiety does - it makes us hypervigilant, and our protective mechanism goes into overdrive leading to false alarms.

The anxiety might be around specific things or activities, or it might be to do with feelings or relationships. If we had a car accident, we may be anxious driving. If a past partner hurt us by cheating, we may be hypervigilant for signs a current partner might be lying.

This protective mechanism makes sense - which is also why being told not to worry when you are feeling anxious doesn't work - we have learnt from our past experience, and are trying to stop it from happening again.

The key is to acknowledge and thank that bit of our brain for trying to look after us - but also to find ways for it to come off high alert ALL the time. We can then allow ourselves to recognise a potential threat, and create space for investigation and assessment before panic. It's not easy, and requires understanding of the driving fear (which may not always be obvious) and frequent practice and support. We can help, so if you need support, please get in touch!

29/07/2025

I recently read a statistic (wish I could remember where!!) that if you are currently aged between 55 and 75 average life expectancy is well into your 90s. And a baby born today will likely live to 105!

We tend to have this slightly wonky belief (maybe it's wishful thinking!) that once we get older, we know everything and have life all figured out. However it doesn't always work like that; new problems, shifting priorities, and challenges around identity and purpose are common - and often hard to navigate without support.

Younger generations generally find conversations about emotional struggle easier, and are more likely to seek professional support, but that doesn't mean therapy isn't useful to those with more life experience. We are constantly evolving and change is always possible - I have worked with clients who have to come for support in their 80s!

So whether it's empty nests, rapidly (or not rapidly enough!) approaching retirement, a health diagnosis, relationship breakdown, career changes, bereavement, or adjusting to a new more "seasoned" identity - we can help with all these things and many more, whatever age you are!

Contact us for more details
www.kingsclerecounsellingservice.co.uk

23/06/2025

I love this picture. For me it epitomises the therapy process.

A lot of people come to therapy because they want me to fix them. On some level they know I can't, but they don't know how to do it themselves - the cloud is too dark, too big, too dense.

The knowledge, skills and training I have allow me to take and contain all that stuff and offer it back in a way that promotes growth.
But I can't do any of that without being allowed to share the cloud. Therapy is a really collaborative process - we BOTH work hard in it, and the results are so worth it.

(I wish I knew who to credit for this picture, if anyone knows of the artist - I will happily do so!)

18/06/2025

Anger is assumed to be a “bad” emotion to be avoided, and not expressed. However, our anger is natural and often trying to tell us something...

😖 Anger tells us that our boundaries are being challenged.
😡 Anger tells us that something feels unfair or unjust
😞 Anger tells us we feel let down or hurt.

It can also feel like the only way to express another emotion or need that we may not know how to express or feel safe doing so.

Anger can cause conflict, hurt those we care about and break relationships so if you find anger challenging, try asking yourself these questions;

What need in me is not being met in this situation? Can I either communicate that need to the other person, or meet it for myself?

What am I afraid of? Is there something about this scenario that scares me and has put me into fight / flight mode.

Do I have unrealistic expectations? e.g. for another person to just ‘know’ what I am feeling, or for them to be infallible? Can I adjust these to be more realistic?

Learning to tune in to what is beneath the anger, and communicate it to others in a different way, helps it to feel more manageable, and allows it to be expressed in a healthier way. If you would like support with this, please get in touch.

09/06/2025

If you're a man, there are SIX unhelpful societal myths that you may have absorbed during your life which can make handling emotional situations even harder:

1. Boys don't cry.
This means that when something happens and you feel like you want to cry, the subsequent belief is that you are somehow 'less' masculine and therefore 'weak'.

2. A man should be the "strong / silent" type.
When you aspire to the strong / silent type, you again somehow feel like you are failing if you find yourself having a powerful emotional reaction to something, or feel like you are falling apart.

3. Anger is the "only" acceptable emotion for a man.
Again when those men who you see respond to fear, jealousy, hurt, grief, insecurity, etc by getting angry (think action films!) that seems to be the only (acceptable) way to express it.

4. When something bad happens: drink (alcohol).
Once you see notice how many heroes in films pour themselves a stiff drink when something tough happens you can't unsee it... (Bond, I am looking at you!)... It models a really unhelpful coping mechanism.

5. Just think logically.
Generally men are logical thinkers when it comes to solving problems. However, emotions aren't logical, and when emotional issues arise, the fact that you cannot simply think your way out can leave you feeling really lost and unskilled.

6. Fix everything yourself.
Men are not encouraged to ask for help, and prized when they can fix things (for themselves or others). However when you can't, because it is just too hard, or no-one has ever taught you how, this can lead to additional feelings of shame and isolation

If you are a man reading this and things are difficult at the moment, you find yourself getting angry, or turning to booze too often, or suddenly finding yourself bursting into tears. You're not failing, or less than a man. You're just human!
It's ok to find it difficult, and not know how to solve it by yourself. It's ok when this happens to talk to someone and ask for help, and if it's easier to do that to a professional than your mates - that's ok too! That's why we are here!
www.kingsclerecounsellingservice.co.uk

04/06/2025

If you are struggling with anxiety, we can help!
Anxiety can manifest itself in many different ways: panic attacks; a general sense of being constantly on high alert; irritability; disturbed sleep; or a wish to avoid certain people or situations. Even seemingly small things may suddenly become very difficult.

We will look at ways to help you to minimise its impact on day-to-day life, but we will also aim to help you to explore and understand where the anxiety comes from and what is at the root of it.

Contact us to find out how we can support you
www.kingsclerecounsellingservice.co.uk

29/05/2025

When is the right time to reach out?
Lots of people think that there needs to be some significant event or crisis in order to seek help from therapy. Whilst therapy is indeed useful in a crisis, therapy can be also really beneficial in other situations;

🖤 You are frustrated with yourself for repeating the same mistakes.
❤️ You feel stuck in a rut and know something needs to change but you don’t know what.
🧡 You have always thought you should probably talk about something that has happened to you, but have been putting it off
💛 You are finding things overwhelming
💚 You would like healthier relationships
💙 You are ready to do things differently
💜 You want to change bad habits
🩷 You would to understand and know yourself better

There are many ways we can help - please contact us for more information or to make an appointment www.kingsclerecounsellingservice.co.uk

21/05/2025

We have probably all experienced shame at some point. It's an emotional response that tends to be felt physically before our brain even clocks what's going on.

Shame is a very different emotion from Guilt.
Guilt is "I did an awful thing", Shame is "I am an awful person"
Shame is first experienced (often when we are very small) when we do something wrong, and we are made to feel like it is who we are, not what we have done that is the problem. It is often accompanied by the punishment or ridicule of parents, teachers or peers, and can result in embarrassment and humiliation.

The problem is that if we experience that shame from others frequently enough, we begin to believe this message that there is something fundamentally wrong with who we are - and then in the cruelest twist of fate, we learn to shame ourselves. This cycle then reinforces itself every time we make a mistake whether it's at work, in relationships or social interactions

What's more - because these are the parts of ourselves that we believe are awful, and we don't want others to see them, we keep them hidden to protect ourselves from how others would respond. Shame is the vampire of emotions - it likes to live in the dark, keep you prisoner, and drain you.

But there is hope. It is absolutely possible to heal from shame - but it is tremendously hard, because it requires you to do the one thing all your instincts are telling you not to - which is to shed light on it - bring the vampire out into the open and watch it dissolve.
It's hard because you have to be vulnerable enough to show someone those bits of you you fear others will judge you for - which is why picking the right person for this process is so key. The person who helps you heal from shame will listen to you, will not judge you, and will offer you compassion. Shame fundamentally CANNOT survive empathy.

Even when we have made mistakes, said things we don't mean, or done things we aren't proud of, it doesn't generally mean we are awful people. You might have made an unkind remark in a moment of frustration, but that doesn't mean you are unkind. There will have been many other times you have said kind things - often to the same person!

This isn't an excuse to go around treating people badly, but when you do screw up (to err is human!) and you get that uncomfortable physical response, here's what you can do:

Separate what you did from who you are as a person.
Offer yourself compassion.
Recognising where you went wrong and offer yourself empathy as to why
Make amends
Learn from it without punishing yourself.

The more you do it, the easier it gets and the less the cycle reinforces itself. If you need support or help with this process, please get in touch.
www.kingsclerecounsellingservice.co.uk

14/05/2025

Following on from our last post - Sharon has written a guest blog for the The Farming Community Network, a fantastic charity that supports the wellbeing of farmers and their families.

"This , take time to think about what you need from a community, what you can offer to a community, and go find your tribes (it is absolutely fine to have more than one) and build connection. When community thrives, everyone does"

Sharon May has written a guest blog for the FCN website about the strength of community, aligned with this year's Mental Health Awareness Week theme: https://fcn.org.uk/blog/2025/05/13/mental-health-awareness-week-finding-strength-in-community/

Sharon is the recipient of FCN / Len’s Light Nuffield Farming Scholarship, and is studying the topic 'No farmer is an island - Supporting the Mental Health of Farm Families'.

The Scholarship is inspired by Warwickshire farmers Andy and Lynda Eadon and their LEN'S LIGHT campaign, reminding us all that we are never alone.

Read more about Sharon's research here: https://www.nuffieldscholar.org/scholars/2025/sharon-may

12/05/2025

The theme for 2025's Mental Health Awareness Week is "the power of community" and there are so many things I could write! We are inherently social creatures so the connection, belonging, acceptance and mutual support that come with community involvement all help to combat feelings of depression, loss and isolation.

Communities not only provide support, but also purpose. What we give to those people when we can, comes back to us when we need it, and that is the magic!

Community can take many forms; it can be family, friends, neighbours, work mates, religious groups, sports teams, exercise classes, hobby or interest groups. It can be in person, or online, a few special people or large groups. Do let me know which communities you enjoy and help with your mental wellbeing
I am very lucky in that one of my communities is the lovely group of therapists working here at KCS and we are very proud to be here supporting the mental health of our local community in turn.
We are here if you need us!
www.kingsclerecounsellingservice.co.uk

06/05/2025

Motherhood at ANY stage can be tough. We are here to support you if you need it - you don't have to struggle on your own:
We can help with....

💗Emotional support whilst trying for a baby, navigating fertility issues.
💕Mental health during pregnancy, including how to navigate the hormone fluctuations, physical changes and conditions such as hyperemesis gravidarum.
♥️ Anxiety around labour, processing birth experiences.
💛 Emotional wellbeing with a newborn or little one.
💚 Parenting support through toddler, school, teenage years.
🧡 Help with finding your identity after becoming a mum.
💙 Support balancing the many roles involved in motherhood.
💜 Help supporting yourself if you are caring for a sick child or a child with additional needs.
💞 Help with any relationship changes that have occurred as a result of fertility issues, pregnancy, or becoming parents.
💔 Support during separation, navigating co-parenting or blending families.
💖 Exploring the issues that come from children getting older, and leaving home, and changing identity.
❣️ Menopause support and mental wellbeing regarding ageing and hormone changes.

Get in touch to find out how we can help www.kingsclerecounsellingservice.co.uk