Sorrel Pindar Pain Solutions

18/09/2024

What do you think the first step would be when you want to move a relationship from conflict to connection?

12/09/2024

Seems like a weird question, doesn't it? Which part of your brain does your relationship occupy?

The thing is that it can move around.

Sometimes it's in the front bit - the neocortex (the bit occupied by 'talking about football' in the brain joke below -sorry guys). That's when everything is going swimmingly.

At other times it retreats to the back section - the older parts of the brain.

That's the part of the brain which 'houses' our emotional centres and our fight/flight response. It's the bit which takes over when we get triggered and either fly off the handle or run away.

If you've noticed that you get triggered easily you might want to start developing a new skill. The skill of relational mindfulness.

That's the subject of this week's blog post. I'll drop the link in the comments.

12/09/2024

I opened my emails this morning and there was this lovely testimonial!

"I thank Sorrel every day for saving our relationship. We are the ones who did the work and kept love and respect for each other but without her, we simply wouldn't have known where to start."

That's the key - the love and respect. Daiva & Hereward had that, but they needed someone to show them how to do the work of repair in their relationship.

If you'd like to know more about how it's done, drop or comment or DM me!

11/09/2024

What's your #1 question about relationships?

19/08/2024

Who’s in your skeleton crew?

Saturday evening I was at the Donmar Warehouse Theatre in London for a performance of "Skeleton Crew." (Brilliant show by the way).

The show is set in 2008 and it portrayed the journey of four Black workers in one of Detroit’s last surviving car factories, which is threatened with closure. The plant is down to a skeleton crew who are under enormous pressure from the management.

They’re a tight-knit group, but with the economic reality of the credit crunch they’re torn between loyalty to each other and the instinct to save their own skins. And there's a lot of slightly toxic banter...

What struck me was that in spite of the awfulness of their situation they could still access a sense of hope within themselves. A new baby, a new business, delaying the closure of the factory for another couple of months.

And their biggest reason for having that hope? Ultimately, it seemed like it was each other. In spite of their disagreements, when they came together they were each other’s best hope for the best outcome.

When we’re facing a difficult situation, it helps to have a skeleton crew.

That could be close friends or family, or it could be something within yourself. A strength such as being able to stay calm in a crisis, or to ground yourself when you notice you’re getting panicky.

My skeleton crew would include my partner, Mark, and my sisters. And definitely my ability to recognise when I’m believing something I’m making up!

That's a skill that I've built with practice because I couldn't always see that I was imagining things about the present or the future.

So what or who is in your skeleton crew?

If you’re happy to, let me know in the comments!

06/08/2024

As part of my training to become ​certified​ in Relational Life ​Therapy, I'm currently offering 3 ​R​LT sessions at a sliding scale rate!

If you're experiencing difficulties in your relationship, you can gain access to affordable and effective Relational Life Therapy and build the thriving, healthy connections you deserve.

In return for a donation to the Relational Life Foundation, I will offer you three sessions free of charge, which can be for you alone 1-to-1, or for you and your partner together.

Get started today!

Sign up here: https://www.relationallifefoundation.org/sliding-scale-relational-life-therapy.html

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Relational Life Foundation is a nonprofit organization that believes healthy relationships have the power to change the world. They provide the knowledge and skills necessary for living truly connected lives and fostering thriving relationships.

The importance of connection is highly emphasized, but there is precious little guidance on how to actually achieve it. Through Relational Life Therapy (RLT), a therapeutic modality created by Terry Real that challenges all forms of discrimination, we share wisdom and practical tools for building and nurturing meaningful connections.

Relational Life Foundation offers free and low-cost relationship workshops, programs, and services to underprivileged communities. They aspire to build a space where individuals from all backgrounds feel a deep sense of belonging and are empowered to engage in relational growth.

You can now contribute to this mission and experience this work with me firsthand!

It's a win-win!

Receive 3 RLT sessions at with a practitioner in training for a sliding scale rate. Get matched with a practitioner today!

22/07/2024

What do you think counts as self-care?

There is quite a lot of talk about self-care these days, which is a good thing!

But what does self-care actually look like? What counts as self-care?

Maybe we could start with the question: What’s it for?

You might disagree with me, but for me the point of doing self-care is two-fold:

* it rebalances my body chemistry and my nervous system out of stress mode and into relaxation mode (which has physical and psychological benefits)

* it shows me that I love myself and my biosphere (which is more of an emotional and spiritual thing)

So anything I do which has those two results looks like self-care to me.

When I quit the gym and took up Morris dancing in 2013, I was practising self-care, because the Morris brought me joy, where the gym did not. But for others an hour at the gym might tick all the self-care boxes. It just didn’t for me.

So what stops us from doing things designed to replenish, relax and restore us?

Inspiration, motivation and permission for doing self-care are three of the things we’ll be discussing in a panel conversation on Wednesday evening, organised by my good friend, Thor A Rain.

I’ll be speaking along with coaches David Brown, Svava Brooks and Nathan Whitbread.

You can book here:

Discussion about top challenges with doing self-care: why you have them and what to do about them to celebrate International Self Care Day

22/06/2024

What do you do when you're finding it difficult to listen to your partner?

1. Try to get them to stop

2. Shout them down

3. Leave the room

4. Make them a cup of tea and see if it calms them down

I won't lie. It's really hard to listen to someone when you're feeling triggered or attacked or just irritated.

But whatever your default option is, if it's not working then change it!

If you find it difficult to listen when your partner is angry or moany or emotionally needy...

I have just the thing for you.

I'll be on Zoom for a masterclass on compassionate listening for couples on Monday at 5pm BST.

Come along and you'll learn:

* Why compassionate listening is such a powerful tool for transforming our relationships

* What you can do to make it easier when you find it difficult to listen

* A simple technique you can start using right away

The masterclass is free and you can sign up here:

Compassionate Listening for Couples: A Masterclass in Connected Commununication In this one-hour masterclass, you'll learn how to listen in such a way that your partner feels heard. And I'll show you what you can do to make compassionate listening the easy option.

10/06/2024

Sometimes it's difficult to accept the gift of something that we've been asking for.

It's so much easier to complain that your glass is still half-empty, when minutes before it was completely empty.

But why is it so difficult to receive with grace a glass which is now half-full?

What do you have now in your life that you didn't have yesterday? And which you are finding it difficult to receive gratefully.

It might seem strange but it can be difficult to give up the habit of complaining, even when our partner has finally started to give us a bit of what we want.

15/05/2024

Relationships can be tricky affairs.

This is partly because we fall for some of the myths about relationships such as that communication is essential at all times (spoiler alert: sometimes it's actually harmful).

But there are a few simple things we can do which help to smooth the path. We call these the ‘Winning Strategies’

On Monday, I’ll be exploring the myths and introducing some tools to help you get some wins for you and your partner, and bring you closer to your partner. This is an online workshop, entitled How to Build a Win-Win Relationship.

Whether you would like to get your relationship back from the brink, or you suspect that it could be even better than it already is, there will be some techniques you can take away from the workshop, which will help to make a difference to the dynamics of your relationship.

The workshop is at 5pm BST on Monday May 20th.

And if you can’t make it on the day, there will be a recording which you will get access to if you register.

The link to register is: https://www.sorrelpindar.co.uk/may-workshop

hashtag hashtag hashtag hashtag

13/05/2024

“Being able to talk through our differences without getting stuck into an argument is a skill; it’s NOT a talent.”

Does that seem an unreasonable statement?

If we were all born able to navigate our differences without recourse to shouting, distancing or making belittling comments, there would be no divorce!

But we aren’t. And these behaviours all stem from the part of us which adapted to challenges we faced as children in our family of origin.

But choosing to communicate with love instead of anger, bitterness and fear, is a skill which we can all learn.

That’s the basis of a Win-Win relationship where both partners win and the relationship wins.

Find out more at my online workshop on Monday 20th at 5pm, How to Build a Win-Win Relationship.

I’ll put the registration link in the comments.

12/05/2024

What do you think? Is a regular good blow out essential to a healthy relationship?

My Mum thought it was (I’m not so sure what my Dad thought…)

But after decades of arguing with the men in my life I stopped. It was a conscious decision made with my current partner when we got together in 2020.

We’ve not argued once in over four years, and we are very close.

You see arguing is about Me and You; it’s never about Us.

Move your relationship into the Us zone and it becomes a win-win relationship.

If you’re living in an endless cycle of arguments and you’d like to find out how to do things differently come along to my workshop, How to Build a Win-Win Relationship, on May 20th at 5pm GMT

I’ll be busting some myths about relationships and introducing you to three tools you can use to bring an end to the conflict and get closer to your partner.

I’ll put the link to register in the comments