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Talk with Nicki

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Talk with Nicki

Private Counsellor in Billericay I currently work for Circles South East, I support survivors of sexual abuse and trauma.

Hi, I’m Nicki I am a qualified Person-Centred Therapist, offering therapy sessions, face-to-face and online, from my private counselling room. My professional background includes working for Samaritans; helping those when they need crisis support is one of the reasons I decided to train to be a counsellor in the first place. In my previous counselling experience, I have worked for a school supporting teenagers; which was enlightening. I also worked for a lower-cost counselling service; to allow those on lower incomes to be able to access counselling.

20/11/2025

My new blog post goes into the truth about healing.

This is a more personal post for me, where I share a little about my own journey.

Read Blog in link below
talkwithnicki.co.uk/blog/the-truth-about-the-road-to-healing/

07/11/2025

Grief is not always tears and deep sadness. Sometimes, grief is quieter, stranger, and more subtle.

Grief can look like this:

A sudden wave of exhaustion mid-afternoon, making simple tasks feel impossible.

Forgetting to call to share good news, then remembering you can’t.

Laughing until your stomach hurts at a silly memory, followed by an immediate, quiet ache.

Spending another Birthday or Christmas without them.

The inability to choose what to wear or what to make for dinner.

A deep gratitude for the time we had, even if the missing hurts.

It’s messy, it’s unpredictable, and it rarely looks like what movies or books portray. It’s a daily, silent process of carrying love with nowhere to put it.

If you’re navigating this non-linear journey, please know you’re not alone. There is no time limit, so be gentle with yourself. Your grief is valid, however it appears today.

If you would like the space to explore your grief contact me now.

talkwithnicki.co.uk

28/10/2025

New blog post

My new blog looks at narcissistic behaviour in more depth.

It’s time to break the silence and recognise the signs of narcissistic trauma.

Read Blog in link below

https://talkwithnicki.co.uk/blog/narcissistic-behaviour-and-its-impact-on-victims/

09/10/2025

A Warm Reintroduction

Hello everyone! For those of you who have recently started following, I wanted to take a moment to reintroduce myself warmly and tell you a bit about the work I do.

I’m Nicki, and I’m a Person-Centred and Attachment-Based Psychotherapeutic Counsellor. My training also includes specialisations in Trauma and Transactional Analysis. Working with the nervous system and sharing psycho education is important to the work I do.

I offer both face-to-face and online counselling sessions from my private therapy room here in Billericay, Essex. I’ve put a lot of care into making this a calm, safe, and comfortable space where you can feel secure enough to share whatever is worrying you right now.

I’m truly passionate about helping people navigate life’s challenges. My practice is centred around supporting individuals who are dealing with a wide range of issues, including anxiety, depression, bereavement, attachment and relationship issues, abuse, and trauma.

My professional background deeply informs my approach. I previously volunteered with the Samaritans, where supporting people through moments of crisis solidified my decision to train as a counsellor. Currently, I have also worked for Circles South East, providing support to survivors of sexual abuse and trauma.

If you’d like a more detailed look at my therapeutic approach and how I can support you, please feel free to check out my website or directory pages which are linked in my bio.

Thank you so much for being here. I genuinely look forward to the possibility of working with you soon.

Warmly,

Nicki

08/10/2025

Narcissism is a deeply rooted personality disorder that can cause serious emotional harm.

At first, narcissists can be incredibly charming. They often come across as confident, charismatic, even magnetic. But beneath that surface lies a pattern of manipulation, control, and emotional detachment.

Narcissistic abuse follows a very specific cycle: it starts with idealisation - overwhelming affection, attention, and praise that feels almost too good to be true. Then comes devaluation - the compliments stop, and criticism creeps in. You’re blamed, belittled, and made to question your worth. When you confront them they will deny, attack, reverse it around and blame you for their actions. Even punish you by stonewalling or silence.

The hardest part about dealing with narcissism is the emotional confusion it creates. You may begin to question your reality, your emotions, and your instincts. This is gaslighting which is a powerful tool in a narcissist’s playbook.

But here’s the truth: you are not crazy. You are not too sensitive. You are not the problem, they are.

Awareness is important. Boundaries are your protection and these don’t always have to be stated to the abuser but to yourself. Detachment is your strength.

Healing doesn’t always mean you get an apology. It means you stop needing one.

If you’ve ever experienced this, know that you are not alone. And you are allowed to choose peace over chaos - even if it means walking away from someone you once loved.

Start your healing journey today.

04/09/2025

It never ceases to amaze me how brave my clients are when they sit in the chair opposite me and open up their hearts.

The courage it takes to share their story; the raw, messy, and painful parts as well as the hopes and dreams - is extraordinary.

Every time someone allows me into their world, I’m reminded what a privilege it is to walk alongside them. To witness their growth, resilience, and healing is something I will never take for granted.

I am honoured to be part of each journey - holding space, listening deeply, and helping to make sense of the places where life feels heavy or stuck.

This post is for all my clients to remind them to trust the process cause it’s not an easy one!

Take care and be kind to yourself ❤️

21/08/2025

Do you feel like a ghost in your relationship?

When you consistently receive the message (whether directly or through silence) that your feelings don’t matter within your relationship, it can start to feel like you don’t matter.

Read the full blog now…. talkwithnicki.co.uk/blog/feeling-unseen-in-your-relationship-how-therapy-can-help/

31/07/2025

Many survivors of abuse struggle with a painful and confusing belief: “I let it happen.” This thought is often rooted in shame, self-blame, and distorted ideas about control and responsibility. It can linger long after the abuse has ended, quietly undermining self-worth and healing.

In the aftermath of trauma, it’s terrifying to confront just how powerless you may have felt. Blaming yourself, even unconsciously, can be a way to regain a sense of control. “If I allowed it, then maybe I could have stopped it.” This belief can feel safer than facing the overwhelming truth that someone else chose to harm you.

Abusers often use manipulation, gaslighting, and grooming, which distort a survivor’s sense of reality and make them doubt their own experiences. Shame and fear of judgment can lead to silence and deepen feelings of guilt.
Therapy helps shift these beliefs.

In a safe, supportive space in my therapy room, survivors can understand the true dynamics of abuse, release misplaced guilt, and begin to replace shame with compassion.

Healing starts with recognising: you didn’t allow it…you survived it!

23/07/2025

The problem with People Pleasing and how to start saying no.

Many of us pride ourselves on being kind, helpful, and easy to get along with. There’s nothing wrong with being considerate of others, it’s a wonderful quality. But when saying “yes” to others means saying “no” to yourself, you may have slipped into people pleasing.

People pleasing often comes from a deep desire to feel safe, seen, loved, or accepted. Perhaps you learned early in life that keeping others happy meant avoiding conflict or being valued. Over time, this pattern can feel like part of your identity: you’re the dependable one, the fixer, the one who never says no.

But here’s the truth: constantly prioritising others at the expense of your own needs can lead to resentment, exhaustion, and even anxiety or depression.

Some signs you might be stuck in people pleasing:
✨ You say yes to things you don’t really want to do.
✨ You feel guilty when you set a boundary.
✨ You avoid conflict at all costs, even when it hurts you.
✨ You define your worth by how much you do for others.

It’s possible to care about others without abandoning yourself. Here are a few gentle steps you can take:
🌱 Pause before agreeing to something — ask yourself, Do I really want to?
🌱 Practise saying no in small, low-stakes situations.
🌱 Remind yourself that your needs and feelings matter just as much as anyone else’s.
🌱 Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries.

Remember: Boundaries don’t push people away, they make authentic, healthy relationships possible.

You deserve the same kindness and care you so readily give to others.

If you recognise yourself in these words and want to explore how to break free from this pattern, having therapy can help you understand and explore where it comes from.

I would like to help you to learn how to honour your own needs without guilt, so you can healthier relationships.

08/07/2025

Burnout often creeps in quietly, it can be a slow drain of your energy, your joy, your passion and your sense of self. Tasks that used to feel manageable now feel impossible. Even the smallest things feel heavy, and you may find yourself running on empty, with nothing left to give.

If you’re feeling this way, please know, this is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that you have been strong for far too long without the care you deserve. Burnout happens when we keep pushing through pain and exhaustion, ignoring our own needs in the hope we can just keep going.

Take a moment to pause. Breathe. Rest is not selfish. It is not a luxury. It is an essential part of being human.

You deserve to slow down, to receive support, and to feel safe enough to put some of that weight down.

You don’t have to do this alone if you feel like you need support, contact me today.

11/06/2025

Emotional triggers can feel overwhelming

When our nervous system is activated in the flight, fight or freeze response, we can feel sudden waves of anger, sadness, or fear that seem to come from nowhere.

The above can help to regulate your nervous system in those moments, when those triggers arrive in day-to-day life.

In therapy, we explore where these responses come from, what they’re trying to tell you, and how to work with them rather than against them.

Together, we create space for healing, awareness, and more grounded responses.

Contact me if you would like to start your healing journey today.

Address

Oakwood Drive
Billericay
CM120SA

Opening Hours

Monday	9am - 8pm
Tuesday	9am - 8pm
Wednesday	9am - 8pm
Thursday	9am - 6pm
Friday	9am - 5pm
Saturday	9am - 12pm

Website

http://talkwithnicki.co.uk/, http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellors/nicki-slaney, https://www.psychologytod

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