24/09/2024
First photo: 14th september, was feeling very contracted, 'off', emotionally reactive and loads of physical symptoms, especially in the head and eyes/vision. Lots of irritation and anger surfacing, and my typical trauma responses like OCD-ish behaviours, social anxiety, stammering and so on. Not really in a full blown 'dark night of the soul', but definitely hit some hurdles in my path making life more unpleasant, and feelings of wanting to avoid life/practice, and just sleep/"get away". Finding it hard to remember that it's all part of the process when feeling like this.
Second photo: 23rd september, after a week of workshopping the new version of Amrita Kriya Yoga in my daily practice, plus 2 ½ days of weekend online retreat via Zoom with Baba and sangha members doing Amrita Mandala practices together.
There were moments of strong blessings, clarity on the retreat, and some of the best and most beneficial dharma talks I have heard. I felt my body soaking up every word like a sponge, renewing my motivation and compass. I also kept thinking how amazing it is that these talks are being recorded so that people can access them in the future. Getting on-point instructions and explanations of concepts such as emptiness of phenomena, bodhicitta, purelands and refuge actually simply explained, and more importantly: demystified, is invaluable.
There was also something specific Baba said that I really needed to hear (which was a response to someone else's question). He said that when we stumble upon a big karmic knot such as something that creates illness and physical problems, we are very lucky, because that means we can now work through it and transform it, before it becomes a more serious problem/illness. I kind of knew this on a logical level, but it hit on a different and deeper level this time. As someone who has had serious health issues for most of my life, this is what I needed to hear, soak up and use as fuel. My problems mentioned in relation to the first photo doesn't magically disappear with one retreat, but it certainly lessens, if only momentarily, so that I get my 'head above the waters' to be ready for another round.
Slowly chipping away, on retreat and one daily session at a time.
Retreats like this makes me see the bigger picture of things, and not get too stuck. It allows me to feel not separate anymore - which is what we usually do in samsara, and that is such a painful state to be in; emotionally, psychologically, physically. In samsara, everything has a nasty after taste, a backdrop of unease. It is a pity how that is the default mode of samsaric beings, and my wish is that people would know there is a way out; that it is actually possible to return our being to its original pristine state without obstructions.
Thank you, Amrita Baba, for not only showing us a path, but TWO paths; the path of Wisdom and Clarity which tackles the karmic imprints in the causal body (nadis), and the path of Healing and Light which tackles the karmic imprints in the astral body (meridians). Thank you for showing us who we already are, like a true Dharma teacher, and for demystifying the yogic path which is so rare in the world today.
-Amrita Mani, practitioner and student of Baba since 2016
