24/06/2024
Coming home from The Gambia three months ago now was quite a transition, even though we had only been gone for two weeks. The weather change for starters! From constant heat of 45 degrees centigrade to constant raining and maximum 15 degrees (forgive me I am British, we have to get the weather in the conversation somewhere)
Settling back in was smooth enough, although my kids have been asking regularly when we can go back. It helps that both worlds are my home and I am happy and comfortable in either. (I wrote about that in this post https://www.facebook.com/share/p/Zi7j9db6BxGTBi1F/ )
I feel anchored into me wherever I am, but that wasn’t always the case.
There was a period where I felt like I had a foot in both worlds without being quite in either. Have you ever felt like that?
It can feel like you are always on the outside of any group looking in. Nothing feels quite real. You want to join in and belong but you end up feeling shy or fake. You feel like you should just get stuck in, be where you are and give it your all- but you still feel yourself hesitating, holding back, and wondering about other places, choices, options. You are never quite all in and committed.
I used to feel adrift like that. Unfavourably comparing myself to everyone else who seemed to have it more together than I did. Whilst attempting to keep the mask on that I was having a great time and that my lack of stability didn’t bother me at all.
What is interesting is how this mirrors aspects of how I was born. I was stuck for a while. Half in, half out, no longer in the safe cosy womb where all my needs were met, but not yet fully arrived in the outside world.
The transition from the known safety of the womb to the larger outside world was not smooth. empowering or reassuring. There was so much fear in the room. An urgency about getting me here safely and quickly.
I felt that fear. Mine and theirs mingled. The tension in the room. Their concern about my wellbeing was overwhelming and terrifying. And then there was nothing. I was here, physically safe, but alone.
Although, like almost everyone I soon forgot this on a conscious level, my body didn’t forget, my subconscious didn’t forget. This experience was wired into my system and could be activated in times of stress that mirrored that original experience.
And it was activated for me many times without me understanding what was happening, until I started to heal how I was born.
Times of transition or change- such as a new job, a new home, learning a new skill, a new partner, these can be unsettling. A little bit of nerves is normal. We are human, nervous excitement is part of being alive. But when the charge goes over and above that and becomes debilitating, that is when it is time to investigate.
If you can’t get on and do what you are called to because something in you rises up and blocks it or you feel too terrified to take the next step, but you don’t know why, then you too might benefit from exploring how you were born.
This investigative work and the hidden puzzle piece that exploring my own birth turned out to be has brought me the stability, and anchor into this world that I was searching for so many years. And I would love to share it with you.
I am running a workshop this week that aims to support you in investigating how you were born and the map you created of the world at that time. In the workshop I will share some examples from my own life when I defaulted to a wounded baby and how I got past that. We will also do some clearing work including 1on1 work that is usually only available with private sessions with me. I am running it at two different times to suit different time zones and you can register from the events page of my website.
I look forwards to seeing you there and exploring this fascinating subject together.
( Picture of the baobab trees is taken on our recent trip to the Gambia and is just behind our family compound there.)
