03/03/2026
When a loved one with dementia calls you 10times in a row…
It’s not manipulation.
It’s not control.
It’s not because you “spoiled” them.
Dementia affects short-term memory and the brain’s ability to manage anxiety.
If they can’t remember you just spoke…
If they don’t know when you’re coming back…
If they suddenly feel unsure or unsafe…
Calling again feels like relief.
The goal isn’t to stop the calls.
It’s to reduce the fear behind them.
What can help:
• A predictable daily call time
“I’ll call you every evening at 7.” Consistency reduces uncertainty.
• A written reassurance note they can see
“We spoke at 3PM. Next call is at 7PM.”
It gives their brain something steady to hold onto.
• Short, calm reminders
Keep it brief and soothing: “I’m safe. You’re safe. I’ll call tonight.”
Long explanations can sometimes add to confusion.
• More gentle structure during the day
Regular meals, favourite TV shows, simple activities, or small routines can lower anxiety that builds during unstructured time.
• Simple reminder technology if needed
Reminder clocks, recorded reassurance messages, or auto-answer features can help reinforce comfort between calls.
And if the calling suddenly increases or anxiety feels extreme, it’s worth checking with their doctor to rule out pain, medication changes, or infection.
You’re not failing.
You’re responding to a brain that’s changing.
And that’s not easy. 💚
