Carina Counselling

13/12/2024

In the New Year I will have a few spaces coming available.

If you would like to know more and book in an introductory call, please contact me.

It is normal to struggle with life at times and sometimes you just need a little bit of extra help.  With compassion and understanding I work with you to explore what's going on for you and get your life back on track.

26/04/2024

Counsellor Emma shares more about navigating a painful breakup

15/08/2023

Get some therapy, get better, right?
Well yeah, but it's not always a straight line and it often isn't quick. Hang in there

28/06/2023

Grief. What do you say?

Are you comfortable talking to someone about their loss.

Or maybe you feel:

😳 Uncomfortable?
😳 Awkward?
😳 Embarrassed?
😳 All of the above?

It is really difficult to know what to say to someone who is grieving. And often it can feel so uncomfortable that after a mumbled “I’m so sorry for your loss”, you feel relieved when the conversation moves on to ‘safer’ subjects.

But this sends a message that grieving is awkward and needs to be glossed over and not talked about.

We all grieve in different ways; some people like to talk about the person they have lost, others find it too painful.

So, what can you do?

Honestly, the best thing is to do is ask them what they need from you? Do they need a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or a distraction from their feelings!

By asking this question you are showing that however they want to express their grief is OK!

The more natural we make grief the less awkward it will feel.

26/06/2023

Have you thought about trying counselling but when you start searching it feels too confusing.

There are so many things to consider such as:

❓ Where do I find a counsellor
❓ Should I have online or face to face counselling
❓ Who do I choose
❓ What type of counselling should I go for
❓ How do I know that someone is qualified

I have answered these questions in my recent blog.

Check it out here.

https://www.carinasnelling.com/post/6-tips-for-choosing-a-counsellor

23/06/2023

It can be useful to look at the roles we can play in our relationships, not just with others but also with ourselves.

When something is not quite right we may find ourselves entering into the Drama Triangle. This infographic explains it well.

Whilst we might enter the Drama Triangle in one particular role, we don't stay there, we move around the Triangle.

The Rescuer may get fed up of rescuing the Victim and find themselves in the Persecutor position, blaming the Victim for not taking their advice and not moving on.

In response the Victim moves into Persecutor, blaming the Rescuer for giving up on them.

Then may quickly move back into the Victim position feeling like it's not fair that life isn't working out for them, because, of course, it's not their fault.

And so we move round the Triangle and it's easy to keep stuck in it.

The great news is that once you recognise that you are in the Drama Triangle you can take steps to break free of it.

If you recognise that you are in the Drama Triangle and want to work with someone to move out of the Drama Triangle and into a healthy relationship pattern, then contact me on 07791 941115 for a free no-obligation discovery call.

The Drama Triangle is a model developed by psychologist Stephen Karpman. It describes 3 roles that people often assume in unhealthy and dysfunctional relationships or interactions: the victim, the persecutor, and the rescuer.
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗩𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗺: The victim often seek sympathy and support from others. They may feel powerless, helpless and oppressed and tend to avoid taking responsibility for their own choices and actions.
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗰𝘂𝗲𝗿: The rescuer seeks to alleviate the pain or suffering of the victim. However, they can become enmeshed in the dynamic and develop a sense of superiority or become codependent on the victim's need for help.
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗰𝘂𝘁𝗼𝗿: The persecutor takes on an aggressive or controlling role. They may blame, criticise, or attack others, seeking to maintain a sense of power and superiority.
Breaking free from the Drama Triangle involves recognising these roles, setting boundaries, and focusing on healthier communication and problem-solving strategies.

16/06/2023

Planning and admin day today.

14/06/2023

Do you ever think:

😎I should be happy, I have my own house and a good job

😎 I should be happy, there are people worse off than me

😎 I should be happy, I have lots of friends

Says who?

When you use the word should, it means at some point you have been given messages about what you are expected to feel - or what you are PERMITTED to feel.

Like when you get a really rubbish Christmas present and you get told off for being disappointed and told you should be grateful.

Messages - spoken or unspoken - from our parents, caregivers, grandparents, teachers, and religious leaders along with society and media are constantly feeding us messages about what it's okay and not okay to feel.

Next time you hear yourself say "I should", ask yourself, "Says who?" or "No, what do I actually feel".

And if you need help accessing what you feel, contact me on 07791 941115.

12/06/2023

A while ago I was walking back from the shops juggling all my purchases, because I always buy much more than I can comfortably carry.

It’s always a bit of a gamble as to whether I get everything home safely and that day I lost! A few bits toppled out of my bag and down the street!

Before I had a chance to react this chap came running over picked up my shopping and piled them back into my bag.

How lovely was that.

I was struck by his thoughtfulness, quick action and his kindness.

Such a simple, yet thoughtful act, meant so much to me because what he didn’t know was that I was struggling with a bad back and he saved me having to do some ungainly manoeuvre to pick them up.

We never know what someone is or isn’t struggling with behind a seemingly normal façade!

So, thank you kind sir, you made my day!