Parasol Counselling

13/07/2025

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23/06/2025

People usually think of loss as huge life-altering events: the death of a loved one, losing a job, having to leave your home, financial worries or divorce. It's easy to understand why those losses are so painful. However, living with an ostomy brings losses that aren't always seen or recognised. It's not just about the body changing; it's about losing things you didn't even realize were important.

Having a stoma changes your life in so many ways, and it's not just about body image. It's like your whole world shifts, and you have to learn to live in a new one. This isn't just a small change; it's a big deal, and it affects everything about how you live and feel. It’s a journey through a lot of losses, and it touches everything you are, inside and out.

First, your body changes. You lose some control over how it works, and that's a really big deal. It's not just about dealing with the bag or managing the mechanics of it all. It's about missing how your body used to feel, how easy things used to be. You might feel like you're living in a body that doesn't quite belong to you anymore, like you're a stranger in your own skin, and that's hard to get used to. It's like you've lost a friend, a reliable partner, and now you have to learn to trust a new version of yourself. It’s a loss of that familiar comfort, that easy sense of being at home in your own skin.

Then, there are the feelings. It's like a storm inside you, a whirlwind of emotions that can be really confusing and overwhelming. You might miss feeling 'normal,' like you fit in with everyone else, like you're not carrying a secret. There's the worry about leaks or smells, and the fear of people judging you, which can really chip away at your confidence, making you feel really vulnerable. It can make it hard to be close to people, to be intimate, because you might feel ashamed or worried about your body, about how it will be seen and accepted. You might also worry about the future, about what might happen next, about how your stoma will change your life long-term, casting a shadow of uncertainty over your hopes and dreams.

All these feelings can make you feel really down, anxious, and tired, like you're carrying a heavy weight that never goes away. It's like you've lost a part of yourself, a sense of your old self, and you're trying to figure out who you are now, in this new reality.

Because of these feelings, you might start to pull away from people, from the world around you. You might not want to go out as much, because you're scared of what might happen, or what people will think. You might feel like people don't get you, or that they see you as 'different,' as someone they can’t relate to. This can make you feel really lonely and isolated, like you're living in a bubble, separated from the rest of the world. It can also make it hard to work, or to do the things you used to do, because you're worried about managing your stoma in public, or about how people will react. It’s like you’ve lost your place in the world, your sense of belonging, and you're struggling to find a new one.

And then, there are the big questions about life, the ones that touch on your very identity. You might feel like your life has changed so much, you don't even know who you are anymore, like you've lost your sense of self. You might worry about your health, about how long you'll be able to do the things you love, about how your stoma will impact your future.

It can feel like you've lost control of your life's path, like your destiny has been altered by forces beyond your control, and that's scary. It's like you're dealing with a loss of your old self, the person you used to be, and trying to find a new one, a new way to live that feels meaningful and fulfilling.

As both a Psychotherapist and ostomate, I’m aware that all these things are connected. They all affect each other, and they can make a person feel really overwhelmed, like they're drowning in a sea of change. Healing isn't about pretending they don't exist, or about rushing you to feel better, or about minimizing the pain you're experiencing. It's about listening to you, about understanding what you're going through, about validating your feelings, and about helping you find your strength again, your resilience, your capacity for joy. It's about finding a way to make your story whole again, to find meaning in your life, even after everything that's happened, to rebuild your life on your own terms.

My work with ostomates means I’m there every step of the way, walking alongside them on their journey, helping them find their way back to feeling like themselves, even if that self feels different than it did before. I endeavour to help them accept the changes, to integrate them into this new life, and to find a way to make this new life feel like it’s theirs again, a life filled with purpose, connection, and joy, a life you they can truly enjoy."

Fritz Perls, discovered Gestalt therapy - he was a Psychoanalyst, Psychotherapist and Psychiatrist. He famously quoted: "To suffer one's death and be reborn is not easy." Never a truer word.

Through the pain of ANY loss, we can discover the depth of our own inner strength, and the ability to build a future filled with meaning.

23/06/2025

🌳 The Tree of Resilience: A Psychological Exploration 🌳

Resilience is often misunderstood as simply “bouncing back” — but psychologically, it is far deeper. It’s the process through which we adapt, reorganize, and evolve after adversity. Let’s explore it as a living tree:

🌱 ROOTS: Early Experiences & Emotional Foundation

The roots symbolize our earliest attachments, sense of safety, and emotional regulation.
• Secure relationships build strong roots.
• Emotional literacy helps anchor us during distress.
• Unprocessed trauma or neglect can weaken these roots, but they can still grow stronger with healing work.

🪵 TRUNK: Identity, Beliefs, & Meaning-Making

The trunk represents the core of who we are:
• Our beliefs about ourselves (“I am worthy,” “I can cope.”)
• The narratives we construct about our struggles.
• Meaning-making allows us to integrate painful events into a coherent life story, rather than be defined by them.

🌿 BRANCHES: Adaptive Coping & Cognitive Flexibility

The branches symbolize our capacity to adapt:
• Problem-solving abilities
• Emotional regulation strategies
• Cognitive flexibility (the ability to shift perspectives, challenge rigid thinking, and accept paradoxes in life)

🍃 LEAVES: Social Support & Connection

No tree thrives in isolation.
• Healthy relationships, empathy, and community nourish resilience.
• Support networks provide external scaffolding when internal resources feel depleted.

🍎 FRUIT: Post-Traumatic Growth & Wisdom

Resilience ultimately bears the fruits of:
• Growth
• Deeper empathy
• Wisdom
• A renewed sense of purpose
• Often, people find that suffering becomes a teacher rather than simply a wound.

⸻

Therapeutic Insight:

👉 Resilience is not the absence of suffering. It is the ability to meet suffering with presence, adaptiveness, and hope. Like a tree, it grows with time, care, and the willingness to engage both light and shadow.

02/06/2025

What an absolutely fantastic experience it was being a guest speaker at the Harrow MS Therapy Centre's recent seminar on Multiple Sclerosis.

The energy in the room was truly incredible, filled with resilience, shared understanding, and a wonderful spirit of connection. It was an honour to engage with such an inspiring group, discussing vital aspects of living with MS and the power of support.

Huge thanks to the Harrow MS Therapy Centre for organizing such a valuable and empowering event. Their dedication to the MS community shines through in every detail.

Feeling incredibly grateful for these opportunities to connect and contribute. Let's continue fostering spaces where everyone feels heard, understood, and uplifted.

20/05/2025

Very honoured to have been invited to talk at this Seminar. Please share if you know anyone with MS or cares for someone with MS, that might be interested in attending.

20/05/2025

World IBD Day (19th May 2025)

The day is dedicated to raising awareness about Crohn's and Colitis, two main forms of inflammatory bowel disease (IBD). The day is an opportunity to highlight the impact of these conditions on people's lives and to celebrate courage in managing them.

Every day, people are diagnosed with Crohn's or Colitis, the two main forms of inflammatory bowel disease. You could be any age, rich or poor, of any faith or none, of any ethnicity, sexuality, or gender. You could be anyone walking down any street. Whomever you are, a diagnosis of Crohn's or Colitis will be life-altering.

An estimated 500,000 people live with Crohn’s or Colitis with 25,000 more diagnoses every year, and many are suffering in silence.

Therapy can provide a supportive space to address various challenges, helping individuals with IBD to:

Process and validate their emotions: acknowledging that there is no "right" way to feel and that all feelings are valid.

Cope with grief and loss: adjusting to a new reality and integrating their past selves with their present situation.

Manage anxiety and uncertainty: developing coping mechanisms and strategies for dealing with the unknown.

Improve self-image and acceptance: addressing concerns about how the condition affects their body and sense of self.

Build resilience and find moments of joy: even amidst the challenges.

Talking about these challenges in therapy can provide a safe and supportive space to collaboratively explore a client's needs, address any concerns, and work towards achieving desired outcomes. By discussing these challenges, a client can process difficult emotions, gain new perspectives, and develop coping mechanisms to navigate life's difficulties.

No-one needs to do this alone...it's good to talk!

16/05/2025

Imagine a world where everyone feels supported with their mental health at home, school, and work.

Mental Health Awareness Week 2025 takes place from 12th-18th May. It aims to tackle stigma and help people understand and prioritise theirs and others' mental health.

In a time when the high cost of living is impacting families across the UK, stress and burnout are affecting many, and millions of young people are seeking mental health support, connection is more important than ever. There has never been more awareness of mental health, yet there is more work to do. I believe that everyone has a part to play in creating a supportive network that promotes good mental health.

Too many people in our society are isolated, cut off from their local support networks and mental health care, and are struggling to cope.

Over the last decade, communities have become splintered, public health measures have vanished and the basic building blocks of good mental health, like affordable and quality housing, or good wages, have been torn apart.

More than 2 million people are now waiting for mental health support, with our health services clearly not coping with the rise.

Now, further cuts to communities are endangering mental health and removing vital support from people across the county.

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health or simply want to learn more about it, I hope the words below offer some wisdom, encouragement, and hope.

Your mental health is just as important as your physical health.

It’s ok not to be ok.

You are not your mental illness.

Your struggles do not define you.

Taking care of your mental health is an act of self-love.

You are worthy of happiness and peace of mind.

There is no shame in seeking help for your mental health.

It’s ok to take a break and prioritize your mental health.

You are not alone in your struggles.

You are capable of breaking free from negative thought patterns.

You have the power to choose how you respond to your mental health challenges.

It’s ok to take time to rest and recharge when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

It’s ok to ask for support when you need it.

www.parasolcounselling.co.uk

14/05/2025

Grief isn’t just being sad and crying.

Grief is being angry, being numb, being broken, and being everything in-between.

Grief is so different for everyone and you just have to go through the motions and roll with the punches.

When you’re grieving the loss of someone you grieve for what was and what will never be, grief also takes a big toll on your mental and physical health.

Grief is love with nowhere to go.

Grief is trying to remind yourself that “this too shall pass”.

Grief is forcing yourself out of bed to shower and eat.

Greif is isolating yourself.

Grief is surrounding yourself with people and things to distract your brain from reality.

Grief is ugly and rough, so if you cannot understand why people grieve so hard for so long and so deep,consider yourself lucky to not understand.

Remember, even when we grieve, we are also present to the moment in a very deep way. We are feeling everything happening, and it's OK if it takes time to work through that feeling.

01/05/2025

One day, a snake slithered into a cozy rabbit burrow. The rabbits pressed themselves fearfully against the walls — never before had such a guest entered their home. But the snake spoke in a soft, gentle voice:

"Don't be afraid of me... I'm terribly lonely. I have no friends, and I long for warmth. I carry ancient wisdom I wish to share with you."

The rabbits exchanged wary glances but decided to give her a chance. They listened to her stories and legends, enchanted by her quiet, mesmerizing whisper. She spoke like a philosopher...until she bit one of them and disappeared.

The next evening, she returned.

"Please don’t turn me away," she pleaded. "You know I’m a snake. It’s hard for me not to bite. But I'm trying. Friends should accept each other’s flaws, shouldn’t they?"

The rabbits hesitated, but once again allowed her in.

Once again — gentle conversations, tales, soft words...and once again — a sudden, sharp bite.

On the third day, the burrow was sealed with a stone.

The snake coiled around it, hissing, begging, whispering promises to change, pleading for just one more chance, but no one came out.

"There’s no place in this world for those who think deeper!" she hissed bitterly and slithered away into the darkness.

Sometimes poisonous creatures wrap themselves in eloquence, calling themselves wise and misunderstood just to strike again when trust is given.

Never forget: if someone hurts you again and again — even behind a mask of sincerity, even with beautiful words and profound quotes — don’t open your heart to them anymore.

Being kind doesn’t mean tolerating endless pain.

01/05/2025

You're holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you or shakes your arm, making you spill your coffee everywhere.

Why did you spill the coffee?

"Because someone bumped into me!!!"

Wrong answer.

You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup.

Had there been tea in the cup, you would have spilled tea.

Whatever is inside the cup is what will spill out.

Therefore, when life comes along and shakes you (which WILL happen), whatever is inside you will come out. It's easy to fake it, until you get rattled.

So we have to ask ourselves, “What's in my cup?"

When life gets tough, what spills over?

Joy, gratitude, peace and humility?

Anger, bitterness, victim mentality and quitting tendencies?

Life provides the cup, YOU choose how to fill it.

Today, work towards filling your cup with gratitude, forgiveness, joy, words of affirmation, resilience, positivity; and kindness, gentleness and love for others.

25/04/2025

A group of frogs was traveling through the woods when two of them fell into a deep pit.

When the other frogs saw how deep it was, they told the two trapped frogs that there was no hope - they were as good as dead.

Ignoring the discouraging words, the two frogs began jumping with all their might, trying to escape the pit. But the group above kept shouting, telling them to stop trying, to accept their fate.

Eventually, one of the frogs gave in to the negative voices. He stopped jumping, fell back, and died.

The other frog, however, continued to jump as hard as he could. The crowd kept yelling at him to stop, insisting it was pointless. But he jumped even harder until, to everyone's surprise, he finally made it out of the pit.

When he emerged, the other frogs asked, “Didn’t you hear us?”

The frog explained that he was deaf. He thought they had been encouraging him the whole time.

Moral:

There is power in the tongue. Power to give life or take it away. A single encouraging word can lift someone up when they’re struggling. Be mindful of what you say. Speak kindness. Speak hope.

Your words might just be what someone needs to keep going. 🐸

24/04/2025