Shine Psychology U.K.

18/12/2022

Maternity leave has begun. Although it actually started quite early due to a sicky pregnancy. I will continue to be absent from social media whilst I make the most of this time away from work 🤍

09/07/2022

This book is partly painful and partly validating to read. I’m on chapter five and have felt waves of hope, hopelessness and gratitude that someone has taken the time to so thoroughly analyse the problem.

I can’t recommend this book enough.

02/07/2022

This is a common focus of psychological therapy in the perinatal period. It makes sense that you may review your own experience of being parented when you begin your parenting journey. For some this can be a painful time. Fortunately, therapy can help make sense of these experiences and support in moving forward with your parenting journey.

25/06/2022

Bonding with your baby can take time. The good news is there are things that you can do to grow your bond. The important thing is that you don’t have unrealistic expectations, such as thinking that everyone experiences a ‘rush of love’ when they see their baby. Many people don’t experience this and still go onto develop strong bonds with their baby.

02/06/2022

I’m back! I’ve been suffering with hyperemesis gravidarum. In my experience, it’s awful. It’s left me wondering about how other people experience it. I can see how it can effect your relationship with your baby and your own body.

Let’s share our top tips for coping with hyperemesis and pregnancy sickness in general. What worked for you?

Top points will go to those who don’t minimise their own experiences by saying things like “I know I didn’t have it as bad as others”.

29/03/2022

27/03/2022

Happy Mother’s Day to every one at any point on their journey, baby or not, you deserve to be celebrated.

25/03/2022

Reminder to all nesters!

I often hear from my lovely clients about the final stages of pregnancy being exhausting. Some of this is unavoidable. Sleep is a challenge as your baby grows. The frequent toilet trips. The wriggling baby. The list goes on. But rather than take this as a sign to retreat inwards and take care of your growing needs, many are consumed with the urge to nest. Although this can be a useful urge, it often translates to a huge pressure to make your house perfect. Despite knowing that the baby won’t go in the nursery for many months and won’t care about your freshly painted kitchen, it can feel hard to resist the urge to nest. So instead transfer that energy to taking care of what the baby will notice, you! You are one of the most important things in the baby’s life. Your wellbeing will be noticed and will benefit the baby. You are the nest!

24/03/2022

Here is a reminder of the ways that you can manage a flash back. Or, here is a prompt to raise this in therapy if you would like your therapist to teach you these techniques.

The aim of all these techniques is to get your amygdala (your brain’s alarm system) to stand down and realise that in this moment you are safe and that the trauma is in the past.

More trauma focussed content to come.



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shinepsychologyuk • Original Audio

22/03/2022

This 2 step guide is useful in all situations but especially with teenagers whose lives, bodies and emotions are rapidly changing, often leaving them feeling overwhelmed in a way that adults or more dependent little ones do not experience.

It can be really helpful to look into ways to validate emotions more. It’s an important skill and thankfully there’s some good psychological literature out there on the topic.

21/03/2022

What’s the evidence for the so called ‘baby brain’, a phenomena that is argued to result in pregnant people having memory problems and other difficulties.

I’d really encourage you to read Pownall’s paper (references in the comments).

What do you think? Did you experience a change during pregnancy and early motherhood. Would you call it ‘baby brain’.

*xism

19/03/2022

Attunement is connecting to someone else’s internal emotional state. ❤️

Attunement is the building block of humanity. It allows you to know what your child or loved one is experiencing and helps you to know how to help them. As the world gets closer via social media it allows you to connect to suffering on the other side of the planet and urges you to help. Can you imagine what the world would be like without attunement?

There are clear benefits to attunement but it can be hard in some situations. When you are feeling overwhelmed with your own emotions, the prospect of connecting to someone else’s can be daunting. This is why I recommend that you connect and attune to yourself first. Ask yourself “what emotions am I experiencing?”, “am I okay?”, “do I have the capacity to connect to more emotions, or do I need to take care of myself first?”.

Remember, you’re no good to anyone if you’re burnt out.



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blayrjolene • someone to looove me

18/03/2022

You cannot pour from an empty cup!

I often speak with my lovely clients about the conflict of prioritising their child’s needs and neglecting or sacrificing their own needs. My response is “your child benefits from a parent whose needs are met, because you’re going to struggle to provide nurture to your child if you aren’t feeling ok”. So, doesn’t your child deserve a well taken care of parent?

First prize for me will always be that you decide that you are worthy of having your needs met. But if you’re struggling to accept that then for the time being take care of yourself because it will benefit your child. I’ll take that for the moment.



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frills_and_drills • Just okay

16/03/2022

Gender stereotypes are an oppressive component in many relationships and negatively impact the mental health of all people. But how does it play out in parenting? I wonder if the expectations placed on women are unrealistic and inevitably lead to disappointment as they are impossible to live up to? I also wonder if the minimal role for fathers in the stereotype can exacerbate the situation and leave them feeling “useless”, as the study cited below suggests. Things seem more egalitarian in same s*x relationships and between non-binary people. However, there are some suggestions that those in these relationships who earn less take on more of the child-based labour. Another important question is how do these gender stereotypes then go on to impact children?

Brady, M., Stevens, E., Coles, L., Zadoroznyj, M., & Martin, B. (2017). ‘You can Spend Time... But not Necessarily be Bonding with Them’: Australian Fathers’ Constructions and Enactments of Infant Bonding. Journal of Social Policy, 46(1), 69-90.

Tornello, S. L. (2020). Division of labor among transgender and gender non-binary parents: association with individual, couple, and children’s behavioral outcomes. Frontiers in Psychology, 15.

14/03/2022

A quick disclaimer, don’t try these temperature treatments if you have heart problems.

I have often had clients complain to me about previous therapists recommending a hot bath as a way of coping with certain emotions. Some of my clients have found this very ineffective and invalidating.

The thing is this advice is both right and wrong DEPENDING on the emotion and situation. The problem comes when a hot bath is recommended without a thorough assessment of the emotion and client.

For example, if in the assessment I have discovered that the client is struggling with intense anger and struggling to resist the urge to be aggressive, I would not recommend a hot bath. This is because anger is a ‘hot emotion’. It makes you feel hot and your heart rate can be raised. If you get in a hot bath in this state it will probably make you feel worse as it will raise your heart rate and temperature more (unless water is so soothing to you that your conditioned response is to relax). With overwhelming emotions that are speeding up your heart rate, cold water can help reduce your temperature and slow down your heart rate.

However, if you’re feeling very sad (a ‘cold emotion’ which slows down your heart rate) then a hot bath can be helpful in raising your temperature and heart rate.

The take home message is assess what is going on before you try solutions.

psychologist

12/03/2022

How to validate emotions.

Invalidation of emotions is typically when someone reacts to your emotions in a way that does not match what you feel inside. For example, saying “you’re okay, it doesn’t hurt” when you’re in pain or “you’ve just got to pull yourself together”, like that is easy and actually you want to make room for the emotion rather than brush it under the carpet. Invalidating emotions is saying “don’t feel that”.

Validation feels great. It’s when you know someone ‘gets it’ and they see you and your experience.

Psychological theories have a lot to say about validation. But here are some quick tips:

1. Listen. Spend time listening to what the other person (your child, friend or partner) is saying. Resist the urge to problem solve! Remain alert, attentive and interested.

2. Accept the emotion. Sometimes it can be hard to hear that a loved one is unhappy and especially if they are unhappy with you. It is important to accept that this emotion is here and not try to push it away.

3. Show them you get it or are trying to get it. For example, find a way to say in your own words “you feel X because of X”.

4. Consider whether reassurance is necessary. Many people want to cheer a loved one up and tell them that it’s not that bad. For example, telling a friend who is worried that their boss doesn’t like them “I’m sure they do like you, you’re great”. Consider instead saying something like “anyone would feel upset if their boss didn’t like them, that’s really hard”. Being genuine and honest in this way can be the most validating thing.

Remember, it’s not possible to validate all the time. When you invalidate you have the opportunity to go back to the person, apologise and validate them. This is such a powerful and relationship repairing act.



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gamecockfb • Original Audio

11/03/2022

Medical conditions relating to bowels can stir up intense shame for children (and adults). Here is a quick three step guide to reducing poo related shame.

The concepts of externalisation, playfulness and connection help to reduce non-poo related shame too.

11/03/2022

Mary Poppins is my parenting role model. She is the best attachment figure (that is someone the child can develop a secure relationship with based on trust and safety).

She creates trust and safety in the following way:

✨Nurturing- she is warm and comforting. The children feel good in her presence.

✨Playful-children thrive, learn and heal through play. Play reduces shame and builds relationships.

✨Clear boundaries-the children know when something is not ok and do not need to second guess if Mary dislikes their behaviour (for example, Michael knows not to have his mouth open like a codfish! 🐟).

✨Attentive to needs- Mary Poppins notices the children’s needs from when they need a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down to a lullaby to help them sleep. Their emotional needs are seen and valued as much as their physical ones.

As parents, we can’t be Mary Poppins everyday. But we can benefit from a parenting role model and Mary Poppins is mine ❤️



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shinepsychologyuk • Original Audio