13/02/2026
6 more terms that come up in therapy that we all really need to know:
1) The Window of Tolerance
Some days we’re stressed. Some days we’re calm. The difference often comes down to whether life’s stressors are within our window of tolerance or have pushed us out. Coined by Dr. Dan Siegel, this window is our optimal zone where we feel grounded and think clearly. Outside it, we shift into hyper-arousal or hypo-arousal. Knowing your window helps you pause before you implode.
2) Cognitive Fusion
Most of us think we are what we think. That’s cognitive fusion — when we get so tangled in our thoughts that we treat them as facts. We don’t just think “I failed,” we become “I am a failure,” and move through life that way. In therapy, we practice defusion: seeing thoughts as mental events, not identity. You have thoughts. You are not your thoughts.
3) Secondary Emotions
Often, the emotion we show isn’t the one we’re truly feeling. A secondary emotion is what feels safer to express. We may show anger when we’re actually feeling rejected, because anger feels stronger than vulnerability. These emotions protect us, but healing begins when we get curious about what’s underneath. Secondary emotions are bodyguards for the more tender ones.
4) Glimmers
We’ve all heard of triggers, but fewer know about “glimmers,” a term coined by Deb Dana. Glimmers are micro-moments of safety and connection that gently cue the nervous system: the light through trees, a stranger’s smile, the smell of coffee. While triggers signal danger, glimmers signal safety. Noticing them helps rewire a nervous system stuck in high alert.
5) Intellectualization
When it’s too overwhelming to feel, we think. Intellectualization is using logic to avoid emotion. You may explain your trauma or analyze your stress flawlessly, yet never actually feel the grief or anger in your body. It keeps the heart at arm’s length. In therapy, the work is moving from understanding the pain to truly processing it.
6) Positive Disintegration
Positive Disintegration offers a powerful lens for pain. Coined by Kazimierz Dabrowski, it suggests that falling apart can be part of growth. Old coping strategies and identities sometimes need to break down before a more authentic self can emerge. If you feel in pieces, you may not be failing. You may be evolving into something truer.
Feel free to contact me directly if you have any questions.
Dr Wayne Adlem
Relink Therapy
