Gary Blonder - Hypnotherapist

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Gary Blonder - Hypnotherapist

I am a retired hypnotherapist Hypnotherapy is the use of hypnosis for healing and problem solving. However it can deal with a wide range of other problems too.

You may associate
hypnosis with brainwashing, Derren Brown and people being made to bark like dogs or think they are washing machines for entertainment. However, for thousands of years, hypnosis has been put to a more wholesome use as a treatment for a wide range of conditions from trauma to eczema. Most of what goes on in your mind happens completely beyond your conscious awareness. When you find yourself behaving in ways you regret or do not understand, or cannot stop unwanted habits, the source of the problem lies in this unconscious part of the mind. Hypnotherapy enables you to access this normally hidden part of your mind and make changes. This can result in dramatic and profound improvements to your life. You can be liberated from self-sabotage and the things about yourself you don't like! Hypnotherapy is particularly effective at helping people with anxiety, confidence issues, emotional trauma (including bereavement and abuse), and phobias, and these are the most common reasons that people seek my help. These include overeating, addictions, smoking, stress management, pain management (including during hypnobirthing) anger management, eczema, psoriasis and insomnia, as well as most other unwanted behaviour.

15/09/2022

NERVOUS LAUGHTER
Nervous Laughter is known in Psychology as Incongruous Laughter – it is subconsciously stimulated laughter that occurs in situations where the patient is anxious rather than amused.
CAUSES AND CHRACTERISTICS
Laughter in humans is a very primal instinct that arose as a mechanism of mutual reassurance. For example, someone banging their head indoors often evokes laughter. The laughter is a mutual signal of agreement that the incident is not serious. Similarly, someone making a fool of themselves or being made to look a fool evokes laughter that signals that the person and/or situation is not a threat. Ridiculous, farcical or surreal situations are also amusing because they are unusual but non-threatening. Laughter is a subconscious mechanism that does not require processing or conscious thought.
In some people however, feeling genuinely threatened or vulnerable will trigger the same response in situations where the patient can neither eliminate or overpower the threat nor flee. It is as such a variant of the “freeze” mechanism, but instead of a paralysis to disinterest a predator, it is an attempt to placate a human threat by suggesting that the situation is not serious.
Nervous laughter is an example of a MALADAPTIVE RESPONSE, i.e. a response that is counterproductive, making a situation worse rather than better. As such it is analogous to an allergy, where the body responds in a self-destructive way to a chemical. Rather than placating others, nervous laughter irritates or enrages them, sending the signal that the patient is inappropriate, rude or contemptuous. Like an allergy, the response is automatic and beyond the conscious control of the patient. In such situations, the patient is fixated on their own anxiety, and as such is often unaware of even making the laughter response, let alone having the ability to control it.
TREATMENT
In the first stage of treatment, the patient needs to believe they are behaving in a counterproductive manner, through such mechanisms as multiple witnesses or video evidence. The patient must then consent to a regime of training over time.
In the second stage, the cue (or trigger) must be identified. There can be multiple cues in a highly anxious person. These can range from being confronted to simply unfamiliar company or situations. All cues must be identified.
In the third stage the patient learns to recognise how they feel when the laughter is triggered, and give it a name. This can be things like scared, upset, nervous, lonely and angry. Once thoroughly familiar with the emotions triggering the laughter, and the cues triggering the emotions, the patient is ready to learn a counter-response.
In the fourth stage, the patient has regular self-training exercises where they evoke the triggering emotions from memory then practice a counter response. There are many possible counter-responses, and it is a question of trial and error for the patient to determine the counter-response most effective for them. Once decided upon, frequent and ongoing repetition is required for it to supplant laughter as the automatic response.
POTENTIAL COUNTER-RESPONSES
• Deep (or diaphragmatic) breathing;
• Counting (to 3, 10, 30, etc.—and you could try this simultaneous with your slowed-down breathing);
• Yoga, or other practices or disciplines;
• Strenuous exercise regimens or workouts;
• Mindfulness meditation (frequently regarded as enhancing emotional regulation);
• Chanting, or repeating selective musical phrases (a kind of singing meditation);
• Improving your social skills in general, and your assertiveness skills in particular (so you’ll have better resources for dealing with difficult interpersonal situations);
• Listening with empathy (for actively connecting with another’s emotional experience helps you separate from nervous feelings);
• Confiding in a good friend (if you have auditory blind spots, not noticing when you’re engaging in this worrisome habit, enlist the understanding, support, and guidance of someone willing to offer feedback);
• Grounding yourself by mindfully focusing on (1) moment-to-moment bodily sensations, (2) objects surrounding you—their name, size, color, etc., or (3) rudimentary facts about yourself—your age, height, schools you went to, jobs held, etc.

11/10/2021

DON'T JUST BLEED, FIGHT BACK
The difference between child me and mature me is knowledge, courage and self-esteem. As much as I still have disapproval issues, after the initial shock, I tend to rally and fight mode kicks in - I will defend myself.
In my experience, those that point the finger are hardly Snow White themselves. I have learned to take note of their own failings and when disapproved of, pull all their own skeletons out of the closet. This has to date worked pretty well - I have so far never lost a disciplinary action against me I've contested. When it's clear I'm going to start throwing company dirt around, suddenly the issue goes away.
And in general I give out the message that anyone intent on giving me a hard time is going to get a bloody nose in the process. This doesn't make me invincible of course, just more robust. I can be defeated, but it will cost you!
I have no hesitation in affirming that the willingness to defend yourself at all levels and is crucial to your wellbeing. It gives you a degree of empowerment. Backing away from defending yourself is DISempowering and you will lead a very unhealthy life of fear and distress. The more prepared you are to defend yourself, the less often you'll have to do it.
Of course the ability to defend yourself requires as a pre-requisite self-esteem, self-belief, courage and a quantity of righteous anger. If the thought of a confrontation is unbearable, you will need to work on developing these qualities first. You must believe IT'S NOT ME, IT'S DEFINITELY THEM. That being so, they are fully deserving of all the grief you can inflict upon them.
The singer Kenny Rodgers put it simply and succinctly - "Sometimes you gotta fight when you're a man." If you're a woman, this doesn't exempt you - sometimes you gotta fight too.

13/09/2021

ARE YOU A VICTIM OF PERCEPTION?
There's a saying and popular meme that everybody is the villain in somebody's story. I think I'm an essentially good-hearted person, but some people think I'm a complete as***le. The correct response to this is reflected in another popular meme: Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.
Unfortunately this doesn't mean you can just carry on being yourself and not worry about it. Your IMAGE, the way you are perceived, IS important if you work in some way with the public or in a team. You can't afford to ignore it even if it's from a minority, because it is a threat to your livelihood and mental health.
In your sp*ech and actions, you have to ask yourself how it looks.
People like myself, who are uninhibited, emotional and forthright, are like a very good sturdy house decorated in intense vibrant purple. Some people will think it's great and a few will see how good the house is - many others will ABSOLUTELY HATE IT.
The problem is not the house, it's the perception of the visitor. Rightly or wrongly everyone has their own idea of how a house should be, and bright vibrant purple is for many not it!
In the same way, people's perception of you is based on their own idea of how people should behave. The more intense you are, the more likely you are to rub someone up the wrong way, not because you're a bad person but because you don't fit someone's idea of how you should be.
Returning to the house analogy, the most popular choice of wall paint is Magnolia. It's popularity is due to its blandness - it is the colour least likely to offend anyone. In a similar, way, people most likely to thrive in teams are people who are "pleasant" - not loud, not introverted, but very ordinary middling people.
In short, if you want to fit in, don't stand out, unless you are intent on climbing the ladder, in which case you will play a role that impresses those with influence - how you behave depends on how important they are in the hierarchy.
If you are loud but can't afford to be, you must learn to play the role of "magnolia" - research and learn the subtleties of sp*ech and body language. As a simple introduction, voice-wise remember the maxim SLOWER, SOFTER DEEPER. People who speak slowly, softly and in deeper tones are less likely to be perceived as rude.
All this said, it is virtually impossible to curry favour with EVERYONE. Your objective is for all but a tiny majority to think you're OK. And in some environments, it is simply impossible to fit in because of prejudices that existed before you even got there.
In any work environment it's a brutal matter of numbers - who and how many can you afford to p**s off?
Ask yourself if you are prepared to play a "magnolia" role, and if so are you capable of doing it? If not, you may need a different team, a different role or a completely different career such as a sole trader or artist - weigh up job security against wellbeing - it's not a "secure" job if it's going to make you ill. Seek somewhere you can play a role that suits you.

14/07/2021

WHY IT'S SO HARD TO DO THE RIGHT THING
From a purely logical perspective, doing the right thing FOR YOU is easy - keep your focus on your goals, and everything you do should be with those goals in mind.
Unfortunately there's a disconnect between the black and white world of logic and the messy reality of human experience. Driving from A to B should be simple, but every driver knows the experience of being frustrated and stressed by roadworks, accidents and the general failings of traffic managers and other road users. Football is a simple matter of scoring more goals than the other team, but there's the issue of the other team being determined that the opposite will happen.
You simply won't be able to keep your focus on your goals unless you have ADEQUATELY PREPARED. Any workplace, exam room, theatre, stadium or meeting is a test of your preparation. If you have not adequately prepared, you will fail.
And that is why it's so hard to do the right thing - because it's not possible without the right preparation, and since preparation is HARD WORK, we'll avoid it if we can.
If you're going to put hard work into something, you've got to have a very good incentive. You must fear, desire or love something intensely enough to be compelled to work hard.
I'm quite diligent with my daily Physio, even though I hate it - because my fear is strong enough to push me through it. I fear my arthritis causing the musculature round my hip to cramp so badly that I will be in perpetual immobile agony. Physio stops that happening, so I keep doing it.
To put in the "hard yards" of preparation needed to avoid being seduced by distractions, you must desire or love the goal hard enough. When I was younger I would have loved to be a singer in a band - but clearly I didn't desire it badly enough, or I'd have put more effort into making it happen.
On the other hand, the commitment and resources thrown into my two strongest relationships demonstrates that I love those individuals strongly enough to do it.
So before you get going on any goal, and the preparation needed to achieve it, you need to feel the desire, the love, or the fear of consequences-otherwise badly enough first. Focus first on the feeling of NEED. Can you need it badly enough? Can you, by thinking of it, work up that need to a high enough intensity to get you through the preparation? If yes, you have a chance of doing the right thing for you. If you're not feeling it badly enough, your purpose lies elsewhere.

05/06/2021

THERE MUST BE CALM BEFORE ACCEPTANCE
Recently confronted with the sudden loss of my mobility, I found I had problems coping, rooted in struggling to accept what had happened to me.
When you've had a big loss, be it of a loved one, relationship, health, a limb, status or your home and possessions, acceptance is something of a challenge, because you don't WANT to accept it. You'd rather die! The reality is that you can't accept anything if you're distressed.
Before you can even begin to experience acceptance, there must be calm. I found myself having to go back and re-learn these fundamental principles of mind-management. Learning to be calm itself requires the ability to focus, with already having that, I could re-start at calming the mind.
When you are suffering and feel like you want to die, death isn't actually the objective, it's the means - what you are really seeking is general anesthesia - not feeling or thinking anything, because all you can think and feel is suffering. Death offers this permanently. The problem is the irreversible bad consequences for your loved ones. The suffering would simply transfer from you to them for the rest of their lives. Just by the very fact that they are loved by you therefore makes death not an option.
What you could really do with is being kept under anesthesia inbetween the times where you need to be conscious to service the needs of your loved ones and your physical body. Of course this isn't viable in practice. However, if you have the discipline of focus, you can experience anesthesia without the need for drugs or a doctor. Here's how:
You have probably been in the position of suddenly being disturbed by a loud unfamiliar noise. Your mind will immediately shift into intense listening mode to work out its location and what's going on. Your normal mind activity becomes briefly deactivated in this period.
You can recreate this experience simply by focus on your own breath. Observe it and feel it intensely and everything else greys out into the background. Do this for a long enough time and you will go into a trance - you will be aware but not truly conscious. "You" are not really there - your sense of time and the ability to make memories gets shut down.
Practice this often enough and you can do it any time you like on the spot. This means you're literally switching yourself off at will and at any time you like - you can have all the benefits of death or general anesthesia without the unwanted side effects. As you become proficient, you can even do simple tasks and chores like the ironing without being there.
Once you have finally learned to calm the mind, can you practice acceptance, where all the pain is there but your awareness is separated from it, like you are seeing it sat nearby.
For people who cannot focus, in most cases it's a skill that can be learned, and then you can move on to calming and finally acceptance.

02/06/2021

YOU MIGHT NEED MORE THAN ONE THERAPIST!
I've now reached the age where previously reliable faculties are now failing me! My hair, my 20/20 vision, reliable digestion and my virility have already been lost. These things I can either live without or work round them, but now I have lost the ability to walk easily and pain-free. I am fortunate in that with Physiotherapy I will hopefully eventually regain this capacity, but it won't be for several months at least.
Even though I am physically getting the right guidance, I have found this emotionally devastating.
As a therapist I have taught pain management to clients, so there is a certain degree of shame and embarrassment to find myself struggling to cope - last night I was in tears. The issue I'm having is one of ACCEPTANCE - there is a kind of mourning taking place for what I have lost, and a resentment of a new reality, of which the pain continually reminds me!
What I'm going through is not uncommon - the loss of health and development of an issue is a mental as well as a physical challenge. A Physiotherapist can show me what to do physically but hasn't been trained to deal with what's going on in my head. But this issue is equally important - if I'm not coping mentally, I'm not coping physically either.
This issue is well-understood with cancer patients - oncologists as a matter of routine refer their patients to a Macmillain nurse or similar. But diabetics, amputees, and arthritics are often going through the same kind of mental issues.
So if you are diagnosed with a life-changing issue, you may well need TWO consultants - one for the actual physical issue, and another for the impact on your mental health. You may not automatically get the help you need, and so if you are not coping, you need to reach out for it, because without it, you may impede your recovery or make the issue worse, particularly if it affects your relationships.

24/05/2021

THE SELF DOESN'T EXIST BUT IT'S STILL IMPORTANT
There is absolutely no scientific evidence that you exist. There is consciousness, a body and electrochemical activity, but that doesn't add up to "you".
Now you would understandably believe this is clearly preposterous - because everything you experience is telling you that you exist. I regret to inform you that it's an illusion - albeit a very convincing one - generated by your brain. Let me explain how it works!
Your brain is stuff - hardware that co-ordinates and controls your body. To do this it generates the MIND - the equivalent of Microsoft Windows, it's a hypersophisticated program that determines where electrical pulses go, and launches smaller programs like reflexes and hormonal responses in your body.
Its most important program is CONSCIOUSNESS - it's an ability to generate maps of experience, which we call "reality" and co-ordinate all the nerve impulses in your body to respond to these maps - this response we call BEHAVIOUR. The purpose of behaviour is to enable your body to survive long enough to successfully reproduce. Of course, some behaviours and consequently the people that have them are more successful than others at doing this and the better ones are the ones who will reproduce better.
The most fundamental part of your map is your concept of THE SELF. The map says that you are a person with various ingredients and a history - your story, that began at birth and will end at death. Your consciousness behaves as the lead character in this story with an ongoing quest in progress. How you see yourself will determine your behaviour.
The truth is that this self exists only in your head - you're really just a body doing stuff, and other people looking at this body see a character in their own story, and again this character only actually exists in THEIR heads.
This self ceases to exist not just when you die, but every time you're unconscious. Your body is still alive, but "you" are not. When you regain consciousness, your sense of self returns, but your story is pitted with black holes where you were unconscious, because you can't generate memory when unconscious. These holes are filled in by your consciousness guessing what "you" what you were doing or by others telling you, or video footage.
This story is itself handed to you by your memory, which is stored as molecules in your brain cells. But what happened to you ten years ago didn't happen to the body you're aware of - that previous body no longer exists!! It has been completely replaced! All the molecules that made that body have been shed out into the environment and replaced by new ones you got from the protein you've eaten. Even the memory molecules are copies of the originals. You are quite literally not the person you were ten years ago.
So "you" are in fact no more than an idea. That said, this idea is very important. It gives you an incentive to carry on and make a difference. If you had no concept of yourself, you'd never do anything, because you'd have no reason to. People with no strong sense of self do not look after themselves and have poor health.
An ideal concept of the self is positive and flexible, adaptable to experience. People whose concept is too rigid, negative or too sensitive will also be prone to poor health. Such people benefit from techniques such as meditation, exercise and therapies that loosen up the sense of self and open the mind to more possibilities.

23/04/2021

DISCOMFORT IS ESSENTIAL
Being a sensitive person, I love comfort, and my preference would be to be experiencing it 24/7. Unfortunately, the optimum amount of discomfort in your life is NOT zero!
You need SOME discomfort in your life because that is what your mind and body need to grow, develop and stay healthy. No pain no gain is actually an understatement - the reality is no pain no wellbeing!
Pain is a bit like the petrol light in a car pre dashboard technology - it went off a very long time before you actually needed to fill up. Your mind and body are the same - they issue a warning in the form of discomfort long before you actually need to address it.
Athletes and other go-ahead types fully understand this - they learn how to ignore the discomfort to push themselves to the limit of what they're capable of.
For most of us with more modest goals, we don't need that kind of endurance, but we do need some. You can't just stop when you're in pain and discomfort because you need to get paid and look after people counting on you.
But even without that pressing need to persevere, you need to get your butt out into the discomfort zone in order to stay functional. The older you get, the more important it becomes. A young body will absorb all kinds of abuse and still maintain itself, but by 50 you're in "use it or lose it" territory. If you're not working it, it's going to whither or become ill or even a threat.
When you do use it, it will COMPLAIN. It will feel uncomfortable after a while. But if you don't keep moving and exercising daily, you are telling your mind and body they're finished! Every part of you, from your brain to your toes, needs stretching and the experience of discomfort.
This includes your private parts. I always prescribe to my clients an or**sm a day, whether they fancy one or not, with someone else or alone. The many benefits can be seen simply by Googling BENEFITS OF AN OR**SM. I will say here however that it's CRUCIAL (yes really) repeat CRUCIAL for 50+ men, because lurking within your groin is the prostate gland, the ultimate use-it-or-lose-it body part. Well worked prostates are semen-making machines that will keep you happily spurting daily, although nothing like the quantities of youth. However, declining libido and erectile dysfunction mean that many men stop working it. As a consequence of neglect it becomes quickly disgruntled and unhealthy. At best it will enlarge as if to attract attention, causing men to frequently need a p*e that takes forever to dribble out. But far worse, it will in many men turn cancerous. Often caught too late, it's a death sentence with years of suffering beforehand.
In less spectacular fashion, muscles, joints and ligaments unworked become so unsupple that any sudden strain, even getting out of bed can cause them to tear! Even when still, it's important to endure the minor discomfort of correct posture to prevent nasty trapped nerves.
So from the challenge of a puzzle, to sitting correctly to moving when you'd rather not, you NEED that modicum of discomfort to get the best out of life and make the maximum difference. I for one would rather not - I'd much rather be sat on my arse being pleasured all day, but if I want a meaningful fulfilling life, I need to daily sail out of the harbour of cosy into the ocean of discomfort. It's good for me!

16/04/2021

THE DIFFERENCE-MAKING MACHINE
This is a technique for staying grounded and is a variant on The Tree method I described in a previous post. THIS technique may appeal to people who are more practical than spiritually minded.
Think of yourself as a difference-making machine. The input is your immediate circumstance and the output is improving it in some way.
This difference may only be TINY but you must nevertheless make it, because that is your purpose - to make a difference! You can make a difference in one of three basic ways:
TO YOURSELF
Is there anything you can do that will help your wellbeing, physically, mentally or emotionally?
TO YOUR ENVIRONMENT
Can you tidy, clean or re-arrange something?
TO OTHERS
Can you encourage, be kind, entertain or help?
There is absolutely no excuse not to make a difference - it can be done any time, any place, in any circumstance, and regardless of what you're feeling.
If you are focused on wanting to be somewhere else, you are wasting mental energy on frustration and resentment that could have been used making a difference.
As a difference-making machine, your mantra is RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW WHAT DIFFERENCE AM I MAKING?
This kind of attitude and focus grounds you in the current moment and enables you to extract the most good out of it. A worthy fulfilling life is built on this kind of moment-by-moment living.
However, to enable you to do this, you must begin with a clear sense of purpose, and it is much easier to practice if you are performing disciplines of concentration, such as meditation, exercise, puzzles and games of strategy.
Grasp this technique, embrace it fully, and though there will still be frustrations, no moment will ever be wasted, because you endeavoured to make a difference in it. As you increase your power of focus and concentration, you will never be bored again. Doing what we PREFER to do only occurs in a small fraction of our lives - do you really want to be simply wishing all the other times would end? Is this not a waste of much of our lives which are already short?
If in every waking moment you are focused on being a difference-making machine, your life has so much more potential than someone who spends large portions of their life frustrated because they're not in the good bit.

09/03/2021

WORTHY
Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, there is a fundamental human need crucial to our wellbeing - the need to be WORTHY.
It's a very primordial need to belong to a tribe within which your importance is recognised. Feeling undervalued and outcast taps in to the fear of death itself, because then as now we can't survive entirely alone. If you were not in the tribe, cast out from it, you are doomed.
From my experience as a therapist seeing the damage done, I know how crucial to your development it is to be a valued member of the group from earliest childhood.
Many parents carers and employers think that if they have materially provided for their charges, they have done their job and any criticism is ingratitude. But the reality is that this is barely half the job. It is vital to also NURTURE that individual, proactively identifying their talents and passions and as a LIFE PRIORITY not only facilitating the development of those talents but to give them recognition.
My own parents would tell me what a good brain I had then sink all the resources into the fu***ng house! Cash that came my way had a clear note of expectation and resentment built in.
I have endeavoured, as husband and parent, to learn from this negative example and ensure that the talents of my loved ones are both facilitated and recognised, and also by putting in the quality time in with them. These are all essential elements of instilling a sense of worth in my loved ones.
And I have latterly myself found the sense of worth I never knew as a child. That crucial belief that you make an important recognised difference is what keeps us going as individuals, rather than giving up or taking a destructive chaotic path.
You NEED that sense of worth to face the internal and external conflict that is the reality of human life. It is the incentive to endure long enough to enjoy a meaningful life.
I make a point of doling out recognition to those I feel deserve it. I know that a well-placed word can make someone's day, be just enough to keep them going, or persuade them not to lose it.
If you are nurturing a sense of worth in those receptive to it, that sense of worth will grow within yourself.

07/03/2021

BEING SUICIDAL
This is an update of an article I wrote earlier, and like that article I have to precursor it by saying I'm not, repeat NOT about to kill myself, so there's no need to dial 999 on reading what's below.
Nevertheless, I am suicidal. This means that to me su***de is an attractive option that I would take without strong enough reasons not to.
Being suicidal yet choosing not to do it gives me a unique insight into the mind of the suicidal that I can explain to those who are not and don't understand it.
So why are people suicidal? It's a matter of PAIN. We're hurting, physically, mentally or both. The nature of that pain varies from person to person, but the two big ones are depression and trauma.
Either of these make life a struggle and once you've struggled for a while, you get tired of struggling. There's a very strong urge to be free.
Unfortunately even benevolent circumstances where you're loved and secure doesn't liberate you from what you're carrying inside. I live in Shangri-La right now, a home full of love and laughter, but I still have to struggle with the pain within myself.
I have lots of things to enjoy, but these are just palliative - they can make things happier and brighter but they can't cure the sadness, the endless weariness of fighting to keep your own mind under control and then defending yourself externally from the selfish agenda of others.
In short suicidal people are hurting and are tired of hurting - we're fed up with it. So how can you keep people with this kind of issue alive?
Well the most important thing to understand is that pointing to all the good stuff in our lives simply won't cut any ice. Stuff like "You've so much to live for" and "you're so loved" are not persuasive arguments because loved ones and great stuff don't make the pain and pain-fatigue stop.
I'm 58 now and can feel my body gradually and inexorably failing. I have already lost my hair, virility and suppleness. My muscles and ligaments tear at the slightest strain. My joints are starting to wear away. This ongoing deterioration, on top of the mental scars from past trauma and inherent mental issues, are simply not compensated for by being loved and having so much to live for, nice though they are.
Once you've grasped that platitudes are a bad strategy, you can appeal instead to qualities that can override the urge to make the pain stop. And these qualities revolve around the SENSE OF RESPONSIBLITY.
I have empathy, a sense of purpose and a conscience. I know that my su***de would blight and ruin the lives of my loved ones. They would be tortured for the rest if their lives by the guilt of not being able to stop it, the "what ifs" and all kinds of mess left by a su***de that needs to be cleared up.
Now THIS is an incentive to keep going. I'd much rather carry pain than inflict it on those that I care about. It's something anyone who loves can understand - you'd rather suffer yourself than see your loved ones suffer.
There is a second strategy that works, but if you employ it, you'd better follow through! And that is to promise to ease the pain - to make it easier, to help, to relieve some burdens. This is attractive - I'd love someone to help, but it better be ongoing - don't just offer short-term stuff like doing the laundry this week or a six-week counselling course - I want permanent ongoing help!
The reality is that you probably just can't deliver that kind of help, so it's more practical to incentivise me to help myself, by discharging my responsibility to my loved ones, and beyond that, setting a good example to all others struggling to cope. I'd rather hurt than hurt others who directly love me or are inspired by me. THAT'S why I'm still here everybody!
All that said, there may come a time in the future where I could be facing losing my faculties in a way that brings distress to my loved ones - dementia or motor neurone disease for example. In that scenario, I would prefer the last memories of my loved ones to be someone still able to interact with them normally. I would, faced with such a prognosis, prefer to check out while I still could do so unassisted. I feel the pain would be less overall.
So to summarise, I am "responsibly suicidal". I will bear my struggles and weariness to prevent suffering to those I care about, up to a point where I feel clinging to life would prolong suffering rather than prevent it.

Address

26 Blakehill Terrace
Bradford
BD2 3JS

Website

http://www.garyblonder.co.uk/

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