24/10/2024
Long Read Huns
Just to be clear this is not a sympathy post it's just a lil reality post from my perspective. I know there are soooo many people with deeper struggles than I've had going on in my own lil world over the past few years and I've kept my goings on pretty quiet regarding my own personal health struggles, a glimpse here and there but nothing too deep.
I've seen so many news feeds of deep grief, depression & sadness that have hurt my heart and again on the opposite side, amazing posts of celebrations, wins & successes. Mainly from the comfort of my Emma mattress, as I'm 80% of the time bed ridden or attending some type of hospital appointment, somewhere in hopes of getting my humble, little old life back, of which I really did love and truly miss.
But for now this is my new normal! Knocking myself unconscious without any memory of it, missing out on fun half term breaks with my babies and becoming so reliant upon others to hold myself & my family up being unable to move for pain or just sheer exhaustion.
I suppose I just want to remind those that care to read, that we shouldn't be judging each other on our platforms. We put out only what we'd like people to see. This time 3 years ago I'd have never had wanted anyone to see me like this, but this is my reality.
The energy it takes me to even brush my hair & put myself together for just one day/eve of socialising now, sometimes means I'm recovering for weeks to months, if im lucky its at home because I'll do anything to avoid hospital stays, being medically gaslit because rare diseases are so misunderstood. I'm flaky, Im constantly cancelling on my most loved ones last minute and sometimes I don't even pick up my phone for days on end. This is not out if choice, trust me. So if you do see me posting a pic where I've actually managed to bring sexy back for a few hours and I wanna share please don't get it twisted. I'm far from being medically fixed, far from be the mother & wife I was and I genuinely spend hours, on a daily frustrated whilst I'm mourning, missing her. I'm so far from living my best life in the business I poured into & created to empower real people who deserved to feel heard & be their best.
But I'm not a quitter, I won't feel guilty, I ain't getting bitter I'm just giving you guys insight into my own experiences & perspective on how a picture as they say can paint a 1000 words! However it's important to understand how the story behind the picture can also be interpreted in a 1000 different ways, depending on how you choose to look at it.
To everybody, all you can do is your best and if it's not good enough for any of your social platforms, followers, friends & family members then 🖕🏿..... Seriously life is too short. I'm over the faking it till you make it vibe. This is currently ME (not the greatest showman 😂).... Yes I fall, I vomit daily, I need help walking, I'm bed ridden & beyond. But when I decide to collect the energy to level up & show up for my loved ones, I've still got it! (Well for a few hours) & then I suffer. I'm proud of my fight, grateful for my ridiculously supportive real family & friends & I'd love to bring more awareness to the rarer and very real health conditions that can completely turn your world upside down, (on the days that I do have the strength).
I just really wanted to thank those that have been there for me since I first became ill. (You know who you are) You don't judge, you're as rare as my stupid chronic illnesses!
So many people take pleasure in the hopes of watching your downfall. ✋🏾 There is nothing to see here if that's what you're waiting for as I will always strive to remain humble, happy & grateful for those genuine people I have in my life, who remind me who I am and of course my children & hero of a Husband Qasim Hussain who give me all the purpose I need to smile through the pain.
I hope this helps anyone who may be down on yourself right now. Keep on Embracing your inner beauty & it truly will guide you to those that are alligned with you, keeping your spirits lifted & reminding you of why it's okay to rest or even rant to get through to the next day.
