Sundance House

08/04/2025

08/11/2024

Influence Kindness 💙

06/11/2024

As play therapists we are aware of the impact that shouting has on our physical and mental wellbeing, the detriment to relationships, as well the distress it causes. Often feeling overwhelmed children present with shouting and anger, which requires support and understanding. Raising awareness of neuro divergent individuals struggles during meltdowns can help others better support their needs and promote compassion in those moments.

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07/09/2024

Raising children who have experienced early life trauma can be very tough. I know, I’ve been there.

Over the years, I have noticed that parents tend to steer their Therapeutic Parenting boat differently, depending on their knowledge, experience, levels of exhaustion and resilience. 

Therapeutic parents roll up their sleeves and steer the boat. They may notice that the children are drilling holes in the bottom of the boat, so they repair the holes swiftly, (with nurture & empathy), and keep going, (maintaining structure and routine).

Some parents notice the children drilling the holes, ask them to stop, negotiate, plead, get angry, sad and frustrated whilst pointing out to everyone that the children are making the boat sink faster.

This is not therapeutic parenting. It might be that the parent is in deep compassion fatigue, it might be that they are needing empathy for themselves, or that they genuinely do not get it.

It is completely fine and understandable, that sometimes we simply stare into the distance, being vaguely aware that the children are drilling the holes but deciding to deal with that later! We are only human after all. 

However sometimes unfortunately, parents join in the drilling too, making the holes even bigger, faster! Seemingly striving for a measurable, obvious disaster.

In order to help our children we have to stop drilling holes and take the patches, tools and solutions offered by others, such as the Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma.

This may sound harsh. I have true empathy for fatigued parents who have been let down by this system. … but if we don’t help ourselves we cannot help our children. And then we are all sunk!

Illustration from our ‘Quick Guide to Therapeutic Parenting’

30/08/2024

One of the first things we learn at school is that learning means being still.

At primary school it’s about sitting on your bottom and not fiddling with your pencil. Walking not running, and putting your hand up before you speak. Staying in your chair, even when you’re desperate to crawl under the table or lie on the floor.

At secondary school it carries on. Some schools insist that young people track the teacher with their eyes, and won’t allow them to reach into their bag for a water bottle without asking. Every move is choreographed and on command. They say this maximises learning.

We tell children that to learn they need to listen, and to listen they need to keep still. That’s particularly hard for children, and so a lot of their energy is spent trying to conform with that. For some, it’s much harder, and they get in trouble for bouncing and jumping. The movement bursts out of them, and we tell them they can’t learn like that.

It’s not true. If you watch children learning out of school, they move and twirl and jump. They lie on the floor whilst listening to stories and hang off the monkey bars whilst they think. They ask unexpected questions at inconvenient times. They make new connections whilst sitting on the toilet, bouncing on the trampoline or when watching TV. They run around and then come back to a story. They express their feelings through their body.

Schools need to control children’s bodies to manage large numbers, but that doesn’t mean that stillness is the best way to learn. As adults, many of us must work hard to reconnect to our bodies. We’ve learnt to ignore our urge to move and we can’t understand why we feel so terrible after hours at a desk.

The things we learn at school run deep. But learning is about connection, not disconnection, and we can’t leave our bodies out of that.

Let’s reclaim our right to be active.

We need to move to learn, and that goes both for our children and ourselves.

30/08/2024

27/06/2024

Time for this reminder!

This is my most widely shared post. And rightly so, it’s an important one. These are “prewriting patterns”, with the average (but not prescribed) age at which children are developmentally ready to achieve these patterns listed below them in years and months. Being able to process visual information and produce a movement in response (e.g. copying these prewriting patterns or letter formations), is known as “visual motor integration”.

Note that an X is not typically achieved until 4 years 11 months, and a triangle at 5 years 3 months. If a child can’t form these basic shapes...then they probably won’t be able to form letters. ⠀⠀
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It is quite concerning then that there are 3 year 7 month olds starting formal schooling (in Western Australia at least), where they’re soon expected to write. Not only are their visual motor integration skills not developed enough, their hands are also physically under-developed. In addition, recognising letters, understanding phonics and beginning to read are all needed in order for a child to write meaningfully, skills which children starting kindy (and preprimary) typically don’t have. We also know that when a child learns something that doesn’t hold meaning, it‘s unlikely to stick.
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So if you have a 3-4 year old who spontaneously asks or attempts to write letters, that’s great; otherwise, there is no need to initiate or worry about this. Unfortunately there is a misconception, particularly with the way that the current curriculum and expectations stand, that earlier is better. Earlier is not always better.

Preschool children should be focusing on the foundation skills needed for writing, and most of this can be achieved through PLAY. Big body movements like running and jumping and climbing to strengthen the core, shoulders and hands; playing and tinkering with small parts and toys to develop fine motor skills and the coordination and strength needed to grasp a pencil; drawing and experimenting with shapes; and finally guidance from adults on how to form individual letters efficiently, BEFORE writing words and sentences.

Please note that this message does not translate to “don’t teach prewriting patterns” or “don’t get help if you’re concerned” - it is more to ease the minds of parents who may be concerned that their child is “behind”.

Source of shape and age ranges: Beery Buktenica Test of Visual Motor Integration, 6th Edition

06/06/2024

The dates for the summer term SEND Roadshows are available now!

No need to book, just come along and say hello. 👋
Find out more here👇
https://send.essex.gov.uk/i-think-my-child-needs-help/essex-local-offer-roadshows

15/05/2024

21/04/2024

Go to the crying child. The wrong coloured pencil, the sand in their shoe, the book that they didn’t want to read - it’s all a big deal to them.

Think about the life experiences they’ve had. They haven’t experienced what we have and therefore have no frame of reference for how big their problem objectively is (or from an adult’s point of view).

Children under 7 are also still in the egocentric stage of development, where everything is all about them.

Plus, their prefrontal cortex isn’t anywhere near as developed as an adult’s, meaning they don’t have the ability to regulate themselves, or are only just beginning to learn this.

Dismissing their feelings (e.g. “you get what you get and you don’t get upset”…) or leaving them to deal with their emotions on their own can stay with them. If it happens consistently without a caregiver acknowledging or repairing afterwards, it can be stored in their brain and body along with other similar experiences (in their implicit memory), and contribute to their core beliefs (schemas), perceptions, and assumptions about the world as they grow up.

Meeting a child’s feelings with shame, ridicule or punishment also puts their nervous system under stress and their brain in a more reactive state, meaning they will remain in a heightened state and be more likely to become upset or triggered again.

There is just too much research and evidence behind this for it to be ignored.⠀
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If a child is upset, go to them.

And as always - parents, teachers, anyone caring for children - we don’t have to get it right 100% of the time. We just have to be good enough. We’re all still learning and doing the best we can with the resources we have.