01/06/2025
How well do you deal with anger?
My personal experience is telling me that I should know better but I cannot help being angry when things went wrong. I do like Dr Gary Chapman's advice as described below.
'Couples typically deal with anger in one of two ways. They either explode and express their anger in violent and destructive behaviour, or they hold it inside and allow it to burn and smoulder, which often seeps out passive-aggressively.
Both are harmful ways of dealing with anger.
Both bring communication to a halt.
No one wants to continue talking to a person who is uncontrollably expressing anger. On the other hand, communication is impossible when a person is not willing to talk.
Most couples simply do not resolve conflicts because anger constantly gets in the way. They are not able to carry a conversation to its conclusion because one or both either explode or withdraw. Thus, conflicts are swept under the rug and labeled off-limits to future conversation.
In time, a couple may sweep so many matters under the rug that they have nothing left to talk about. There are no safe subjects, so communication ceases and the marriage dies a slow death.
There is an answer.
Anger indicates that something in the relationship needs attention. It is like an alarm that calls attention to a fire. Once the fireman arrives, you can turn off the alarm and focus on putting out the fire. Similarly, when anger calls us to attention, we must turn off its alarm and focus on the problem that triggered it in the first place.
"Sounds logical," you say, "but how can I turn off the alarm?"
Admit you are angry. Own the fact that you are experiencing an emotion, and that's okay.
Restrain your response. Don't blow up, stuff it, become passive-aggressive, letting your anger lead you to say or do something you'll later regret.
Share your problem. You can't solve a person, but you can solve a problem. Name it.
Look for a solution. Now that the problem is named, commit to hearing each other out and working together to find an agreeable solution.
In a healthy relationship, these steps—although uncomfortable in the moment—will help you resolve conflicts, and ultimately, strengthen your relationship.
If you repeatedly find anger driving your behaviour, you may be dealing with some deeper issues. In that case, I'd encourage you to seek out wise counsel from a trusted counsellor or marriage mentor.'
So, if you feel Relationship Circle CIC can be of help to you, please do drop us an email
contact@relationship-circle.org
By the way, if you would like to join us for the mental health and wellbeing virtual session on Tuesday 3 June 2025 6.30pm - 7.45pm, please email for a joining link. Look forward to seeing you there.