Attune-Ed

09/10/2025

Parents are often told to praise their children. ‘Catch them behaving well!’ they’re told. ‘Tell them how proud you are of their good choices!’.
It sounds innocuous – who could argue with praise? Positive, reinforcing, feel-good – surely an all-round nice thing?
So it’s a mystery to parents when children come along whose response to praise is the opposite to what they expected.
‘Well done!’ the parents say and ‘I’m not doing it anymore’ say the children.
The parents then sometimes increase the praise or even add physical rewards, stickers or certificates – and that’s enough to entrench the child in their position. Previously enjoyed activities are abandoned, never to be picked up again.
What’s going on? All the books say that children want to please their parents and that praise encourages them – but they rarely talk about those for whom it doesn’t work. They assume that praise has no downside. But some children are super-sensitive to control – and they have noticed what many of us never see.

Praise can be another way to control children.

Just as much as punishments, praise can be used to manipulate. Praise shifts the emphasis from the child doing something for their own purposes, to the child doing something to please adults. It introduces evaluation – why is this picture worth of praise, whilst the last picture wasn’t? Why do they get praised for their piano practice, but not for practicing their skills on Geometry Dash?

For some children, that’s enough to taint the activity. It’s no longer something they can just enjoy, it’s something that adults want them to do well at and that the adults are assessing. And it brings in anxiety – what if their next effort doesn’t get a ‘Good job’? What then? What will that mean about them?

What do you do when your child responds very badly to mainstream parenting methods - do you have have to do nothing and accept it? As always, Eliza Fricker (Missing The Mark) and I are informal and chatty but be based on psychological insight, personal experience and theory. All the Low Demand Parenting talks are on sale until Sunday.

https://courses.naomifisher.co.uk/art-of-low-demand-parenting

Illustration from The Naughty Step, published by Jessica Kingsley 2024.

10/09/2025

10/09/2025

Discover how Grangetown Nursery School fosters a deep sense of belonging among children, families, and staff.

This resource celebrates outstanding daily practice and is suitable for all practitioners.

Read more: https://hwb.gov.wales/repository/resource/a887bade-f344-4fb7-8e10-6a4a592c46c0/overview

05/09/2025

Don't race ahead and try and fix it, don't give them lots of things to do or think, just stop. When we stop with our child we are putting aside everything else and just focusing on them. They feel like you are with them and that they aren't alone.

Online course Growing calm: Tools to ease anxiety and calm young minds

Or

More information in my book
Guidance from The Therapist Parent

Available on my website www.thetherapistparent.com and Amazon

05/09/2025

Reasons to Use Visuals with Students...

https://northstarpaths.com/graphics-free-downloads/?utm_campaign=meetedgar&utm_medium=social&utm_source=meetedgar.com

05/09/2025

28/08/2025

Right now, thousands of children and their parents and caregivers, are feeling the familiar flutter of anxiety about returning to school.

(Educators, too, but that’s a story for another post.)

For many families, there’s a quiet, heavy anticipation: Will my child manage to get through the school gates this time?

For the young people themselves, the fear is very real. Their brains and bodies often respond as though they’re in survival mode. It doesn’t feel rational, it doesn’t feel helpful… and yet it can feel impossible to change.

…

Last term, we worked alongside small groups of young people experiencing barriers to school attendance.

Through our sessions and the incredible learning support team who worked alongside us, they were able to increase their access to learning, engage with more support services, and attend in ways that helped reduce their stress.

But this ONLY worked because they had choice. They decided what we worked on, where they sat, the lighting in the room, whether they spoke, and even which snacks were available. They opted in and out of activities for their own comfort.

Our approach (and that of my brilliant team) is relational, slow and gentle.
We only work with young people on their terms.

We listen to families, collaborate with educators and support staff, and most importantly, we ask the young people directly what they need.

Sometimes that looks like gentle movement or breathwork.
Other times it’s playing games, building escape rooms, or drawing pictures.

These activities create the conditions where safety can be felt, friendships can form, and connection can grow.

It isn’t a quick fix. It’s the careful laying of foundations for trust.

This time of year is rarely easy, but we need to meet each young person exactly where they are.

…

I’m Ange 👩🏻‍🦰 a therapist, supervisor, trainer and therapeutic group lead.

We use art, creativity and immersive technologies to help neurodivergent young people, and the adults in their lives, to reduce anxiety and increase social connection.