07/01/2024
We won’t always have all the answers and we don’t need to. What they are looking for is ‘Do you think we’ll be okay?’
Validate their anxiety, and lead with confidence that they’ll be okay. This might sound like, ‘It can be scary not knowing what’s going to happen can’t it. I don’t have the information to answer that right now. I wish I did but I don’t. It’s just how it is sometimes - we don’t have the information we want when we want it. What I do know for certain is that we’re going to be okay. I know that for sure.’
If you want to, you can then open up a conversation, ‘What do you think will happen?’
Even if we do have the answers, constantly reassuring them can sometimes tip into supporting their anxiety, rather than them. (We’ll probably all do this sometimes, and that’s okay.)
The problem is that every time we respond to their same questions, over and over, we’re inadvertently taking away the opportunity for them to experience relying on the answers that are already in them - because you’ve given them those answers already. If giving the answers worked to ease their anxiety, they wouldn’t need to keep seeking those answers from you.
Instead, we want to build their capacity to trust that they can cope. To do this, welcome their questions lovingly initially, then remind them that they have the answers inside them.
This might sound like, ‘That’s a great question. I know you need to keep asking me, but I also know you have the answer inside you because we’ve already talked about it. I’ll answer your question one more time, then the next time you ask I’m going to say, ‘Do you remember what I said last time you asked this question? I know you have the answer in you. What do you think I the answer is?’ ♥️
