Insight & Connection

Insight & Connection Catherine Topham Sly - Relationships after kids therapist, writer & speaker. Hello, I’m Catherine Topham Sly. I’m a therapist, writer, and speaker.

Supporting couples with practical tips that work, to communicate better, resolve resentments and enjoy more intimacy. Relationships are my thing. Maybe you’re reading this because you’re having trouble with yours? I’m glad you’ve found your way here, and I would love to see how I can help. I specialise in helping couples to reconnect after they have kids, and stay close for years to come. Usually,

that means improving communication, finding a path to understanding each other better, and enjoying more intimacy. I work with individuals and couples, online and in my hometown of Brighton and Hove, on the south coast of England. I’m a bit of a geek, and all of my work is grounded in years of research into what makes a healthy, satisfying relationship. Are you ready to get back to enjoying yours? Get in touch https://insightconnection.uk/contact/

The two sides we get caught up in: blaming our partner or blaming ourselves 😫If this hit a nerve, I want you to know som...
17/04/2026

The two sides we get caught up in: blaming our partner or blaming ourselves 😫

If this hit a nerve, I want you to know something straight away:

💡 The ways you think, feel, and act when things get stressful in your relationship all make sense to me.

So many of the patterns I describe here - the criticism, the pressure to be ‘easy’, the holding it all together - actually come from a longing to feel closer.

Wanting to feel safe, understood, like you can fully be yourself - and still be met with warmth.

And when your attempts to connect keep missing each other, it’s so easy for that longing to morph into pressure, or silence, or self-blame.

Especially when you’re in the thick of life with young kids, where so much has changed and so much is being asked of you.

And here’s the other thing I want you to know:

💡 These patterns aren’t fixed.

They’re learned, protective, human responses - and when you understand them, you can start to change them.

In fact, some quite small shifts can make a huge difference.

I’m talking about:

• understanding what you’re really feeling and needing
• responding to yourself with compassion instead of criticism
• communicating in ways that invite connection, not defensiveness 😅

Because the kind of relationship you’re longing for - one where you feel safe, accepted, supported, at home - is built from the inside out.

And with me, you don’t have to wait for your partner to start 💝

Comment or DM me COACHING and I’ll send you some more info about taking the first step 💌

Thanks to and - comment or DM me PUSH if you want to read the rest!

Save this for the moments you’re wondering “what’s going wrong here?” or send it to someone who might need to feel a little less alone with it today 🤍

To see more like this, tap → following → add to favourites

15/04/2026

↓ It’s not as simple as “rejection” ↓

This is something I see a lot as a therapist and coach helping parents with their realtionships.

One partner reaches for connection at the end of the day.

The other one is just... done.

Exhausted, touched out, head still full of everything that needs doing.

So, they pull away.

And on the surface, it looks like rejection.

But often, it’s not that simple.

It’s less about their partner, more about trying to recover from a day of being needed by everyone.

But if you’re the one reaching, it can feel like:

“I don’t matter”

“They don’t want me”

“Something’s wrong between us”

And that’s where couples can get stuck.

One person feeling rejected.

The other feeling pressured.

Both missing each other, in slightly different ways.

It’s confusing, because neither of you is wrong, you’re just coming from different places.

What helps isn’t forcing more connection in that moment, it’s understanding what’s actually going on underneath it.

So you can stop taking it so personally… and start finding your way back to each other in a way that works for both of you.

If this feels familiar, you’re in the right place 💛

Follow for more.

👋🏼 I’m Catherine, therapist and coach helping parents build relationships that feel calmer, closer, and fairer.

15/04/2026

Has having children made you happier?

It’s impossible to know, of course!

A study published in Evolutionary Psychology covering more than 5,000 participants across 10 countries found no clear evidence that parents are happier than non-parents.

We’re all individuals though...

Parenthood changes your life profoundly, bringing meaning, vulnerability, joy, and grief all at once (just like many other non-child-related life experiences can do!)

It’s great that we’re seeing more honest, less sanitised conversatioins happening about motherhood.

Finally the cultural mood seems to been shifting away from “you’ll be complete once you have children” or “just be grateful” towards something more real: motherhood can be meaningful and destabilising at the same time.

It’s ok to say, “I love my children, and something in my life still feels off.”

Motherhood isn’t automatically fulfilling. It can be miserable at times. And it’s a lot harder when the work of mothering is undervalued and unsupported.

Thanks to for this nuanced take in .

Check out recent episode on this with and .

I especially appreciated Iko Haruna’s contribution about how important it is that we don’t burden a child with the pressure of “completing” their parent.

Parenthood comes with intense highs and lows and “could I be happier?” might not be the best measure of whether life with kids is going well.

A woman can be deeply committed to her family and still feel stretched, lonely, unlike herself, or disappointed by the shape her life has taken.

That doesn’t mean you’re failing or ungrateful.

It might mean you’re bumping up against the reality that motherhood changes everything, and your own inner life deserves serious attention too 💛

What do you think? Has having children made you happier? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments 💌



👋🏼 Hi, I’m Catherine Topham Sly, BACP accredited therapist and coach specialising in relationships after kids

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