http://www.thepsychologycooperative.com/, http://www.dremmasvanberg.com/, https://unnormal.substack.com/

Dr Emma Svanberg, Psychologist, Brighton and Hove (2026)

16/01/2026

What do you want your children to know about you?

Over the last couple of weeks, we’ve been reflecting on identity - who you are beyond your parenting role, and when you feel most yourself.

What do you want your children to see about the person you are?

This can feel like a strange question, because the parent-child relationship is unusual. In many ways, we don’t want our children to know our whole selves. Even though we give so much, children don’t actually want or need intimate access to our inner world. What they need is our consistent presence and responsiveness.

Unlike most adult relationships, this one is largely one-sided - and that’s as it should be.

And yet… we are always modelling.

Our children are watching closely, learning how to exist in the world. What do you want them to see? What do you want them to know about the whole person you are?

Quick caveat! Sometimes we’ll model things we don’t want to, because we’re human. This is not an invitation to berate yourself. This is an invitation to consider the brilliant example you set and the parts of yourself you reveal or want to reveal.

15/01/2026

I’ve been wondering about how visibility shapes parenting online. There’s a growing body of research linking social media use with increased parental perfectionism and comparison, particularly for mothers (eg Padoa et al 2018) This helps to explain why being watched - or feeling watched - changes how we relate to mistakes and uncertainty. When you add the idea of the imaginary audience, parenting can subtly shift from something relational into something more performative, even when that isn’t the intention.

This isn’t about moralising, or blaming people who share advice or people who seek it. It’s simply about noticing how adult needs, platform dynamics, and constant visibility can shape what gets framed as ‘good parenting’, while raising anxiety. And while the complexity and individuality of children and the influence of environment gets lost.

Children don’t need polished performances- they need adults who can tolerate uncertainty, respect their humanity, repair mistakes, and stay curious. And for us as parents, we can learn without idealising and parent without an audience (whether that’s followers or our imaginary inner critics).

15/01/2026

Today is a biggie. What are you doing differently compared to your own childhood?

Maybe this has been a conscious thing for you- and cycle breaking, pattern changing, new learnings is what my work is all about. Of course we all change things from our own childhoods because we are parenting in such a different context now- different supports and different challenges. But maybe there are specific things that you know you always wanted to do differently- logistical things like eating together, or emotional things like validating your child’s emotions, or anything else you can think of. Perhaps you didn’t realise you wanted to make changes until you became a parent yourself and looked at your own childhood with fresh eyes.

What do you think?

Just to add- this topic can be a really tough one for people. Both because of the reminder of their past but also the feelings that can be raised when you can’t always change things. As always, be kind to yourself when reflecting on this huge topic.

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In case you’re wondering what this is all about….this prompt is for A year of reflections - for humans who happen to be parents.

For 2026, I’m going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day. These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself.

For January, the reflections will focus on expectations and identity.

With love, Emma

ParentingForHumans

14/01/2026

If you’re new here, welcome! This post will tell you what to expect.

If you’ve been here a while, welcome back! This explains why I do things this way.

I write and talk about parenting and everything that surrounds it without hacks, scripts or seemingly easy answers (because life and humans are complicated). Here you’ll find honest reflection, pattern spotting, a willingness to question what we’ve been told and whole lotta love for you ❤️❤️❤️

14/01/2026

What strengths have emerged through your parenting?

In what ways have you showed up in ways you never thought you could or would? What have you learned- both skills and lessons?

And, importantly, do you recognise this? Do you give yourself credit for the strength you have shown?

_______

In case you’re wondering what this is all about….this prompt is for A year of reflections - for humans who happen to be parents.

For 2026, I’m going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day. These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself.

For January, the reflections will focus on expectations and identity.

With love, Emma

ParentingForHumans

13/01/2026

Sometimes we notice the big, talked about milestones but the smaller ones that are more personal to us can somehow feel more poignant.

What would you add?

13/01/2026

Have you work/career goals changed since becoming a parent? You could take this a bit further and wonder what you expected from your work life and how this has shifted because of being a parent.

Of course this isn’t just a question about identity, because there are HUGE logistical issues around work and parenting. Maybe you’ve had zero choice about your work life changing because of childcare costs, or because your child has needs that have meant your work has shifted. Maybe your relationship changed, so your work changed too. Or maybe there has been more of an identity/values shift for you in the way you have prioritised your work or your type of work.

I was always interested in perinatal psychology and parenting but my awareness of the systemic issues around parenting shifted having gone through that transition myself. I remember suddenly how invisible my work identity felt to others, and how important it felt for me to make sure I held on to my professional identity even if what it looked like changed.

If this is something you’re thinking about or which has shifted for you, take a look at ’s Flex Appeal, the work of and and if you’re finding yourself facing discrimination due to pregnancy or maternity then are your people
_______

In case you’re wondering what this is all about….this prompt is for A year of reflections - for humans who happen to be parents.

For 2026, I’m going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day. These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself.

For January, the reflections will focus on expectations and identity.

With love, Emma

ParentingForHumans

12/01/2026

Seeing as January is about exploring identity and expectations, today’s prompt is about YOU. It’s a big question, when you feel most like YOU? But our sense of self can get so easily lost when we are immersed in parenting, as well as the other demands, expectations and roles of our lives.

If it feels hard to answer, have a think about the aspects of yourself that feel core to your identity, internal Family Systems therapy also defines our ‘Self’ as having particular characteristics- Compassion, Creativity, Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, Calm, Connectedness, Clarity, Presence, Persistence, Perspective, Playfulness, Patience

On a different note, I’m experimenting with how these prompts look….

Which image do you prefer/find easier?

10/01/2026

What values do you want to carry into 2026 as a parent?

Sometimes we can get really bogged down in what we are *doing* as parents. Parenting life can be very full of the day to day minutiae and the urgent problems that arise. Knowing our values can help bring a steadiness to all of that, allowing us a sort of anchor in the storms.

You might want to choose a few (and if you google ‘values’ you’ll get loads of lists to choose from) or you could choose one for your parenting intention for the year.

_______

In case you’re wondering what this is all about….this prompt is for A year of reflections - for humans who happen to be parents.

For 2026, I’m going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day. These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself.

For January, the reflections will focus on expectations and identity.

With love, Emma

ParentingForHumans

09/01/2026

What did you imagine parenting was like when you were a child (if you even imagined it at all!)

Many of the parents I speak to have mixed feelings about their own experiences of being parented. Many, for example, find it hard to imagine how their own parents made the choices they made or behaved as they did now they have their own children.

Many also have a new respect for the challenges their parents faced and how they navigated them. Understanding why they were often tired or found it hard to be playful, realising they were parenting while navigating other stresses.

How have you looked at your assumptions about parenting, since becoming a parent yourself?

_______

In case you’re wondering what this is all about….this prompt is for A year of reflections - for humans who happen to be parents.

For 2026, I’m going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day. These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself.

For January, the reflections will focus on expectations and identity.

With love, Emma

08/01/2026

How do you define yourself beyond being a parent?

When we become parents- particularly for women- there can be an expectation that becomes our entire identity. From the moment we are expecting a baby we become ‘mum’ and that can feel almost like a new name.

Who else are you beside mum, dad, parent, carer? What are the other aspects of your identity that define you?

_______

In case you’re wondering what this is all about….this prompt is for A year of reflections - for humans who happen to be parents.

For 2026, I’m going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day. These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself.

For January, the reflections will focus on expectations and identity.

With love, Emma

07/01/2026

Who is your parenting ✨icon✨

Today’s reflection is about parenting role models. Who do you look up to as a parent? Maybe it’s someone you know personally, maybe your own parent or another family member. Maybe it’s a character in a book, on TV or film. Maybe it’s even someone you follow here on Insta.

What does this iconic parent offer you? What guidance (direct or indirect) do they offer? How do they keep you going on tough days?

BUT (big but here), I’m not talking about idealisation here. This icon is someone who gives you hope, motivation, purpose, support. Not someone who makes you feel inadequate.

In my book Parenting For Humans (available from all the usual places and read by yours truly on audio book in case you’re interested) I also talk about a parenting guide- someone who is not only someone you might hope to emulate but also someone who you can lean on in your imagination when you need some support yourself.

In the book I talk about my parenting icon Clare Huxtable from the Cosby show- as a child, one of my favourite shows and one of the few shows I watched with a Black family at its centre. That was something that mattered, even if I couldn’t yet name why. The show is now rightly complicated by the charges against Bill Cosby, but before all of that, Clare Huxtable was my maternal icon… Firm but kind with an ever present twinkle in her eye, or at least that’s how I remember her. Completely unrealistically able to be fully present for her children and hold down a job as a highly successful lawyer, yes, but that firm but kind modelling stuck with me.

How about you? Who have you come back to as a parenting icon?

_______

In case you’re wondering what this is all about….this prompt is for A year of reflections - for humans who happen to be parents.

For 2026, I’m going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day. These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself.

For January, the reflections will focus on expectations and identity.

With love, Emma

Dr Emma Svanberg, Psychologist

16/01/2026

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