Dr Emma Svanberg, Psychologist

Dr Emma Svanberg, Psychologist Welcome! I’m Dr Emma Svanberg, a Clinical Psychologist guiding you on your parenting journey.

For many of us, apology was never just apology. It came with humiliation, or conditions, or was used as a weapon. Or it ...
23/04/2026

For many of us, apology was never just apology. It came with humiliation, or conditions, or was used as a weapon. Or it simply never happened - and we grew up learning that admitting fault meant something dangerous about who you were.

So when we come to apologise to our own children, we're not just saying sorry for this particular moment. We're doing something that activates all of that history. The fear of being seen as weak. The worry that acknowledging fault opens us up to attack. The deep discomfort of sitting in someone else's hurt when we caused it. That’s tough work.

None of this makes you a bad parent. It makes you a human one, shaped by your own experiences of how apology did or didn't work. Getting curious about what specifically makes it feel exposing - rather than just pushing through or avoiding - is where the real change begins. What makes apologising feel vulnerable for you?
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In case you're wondering what this is all about...this prompt is for A Year of Reflections - for humans who happen to be parents. For 2026, I'm going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day.

These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself.

In April we will be focusing on the theme of regulation and repair.

With love, Emma

There's a persistent idea that apologising to children undermines parental authority. That it confuses them, or gives th...
22/04/2026

There's a persistent idea that apologising to children undermines parental authority. That it confuses them, or gives them too much power. This idea is wrong - but it's deeply embedded, because most of us grew up with adults who never apologised to us either.

Research on attachment and repair suggests that it's not the absence of rupture that builds security in children - it's the reliable presence of repair. Children who see adults take responsibility learn that relationships survive mistakes.

They learn that love doesn't require pretending harm didn't happen. And that the adults around them will name that.

So the question isn't really whether you should apologise. It's what gets in the way. And that's worth getting curious about - because whatever makes it hard for you to say sorry to your child is probably also making it hard in other relationships too.

How easy or hard is it for you to say sorry to your child?

In case you're wondering what this is all about...this prompt is for A Year of Reflections - for humans who happen to be parents. For 2026, I'm going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day. These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself.

In April we will be focusing on the theme of regulation and repair.

With love, Emma

What do we lose when we talk about ‘rupture and repair’? It’s something we talk about loads in parenting and relationshi...
22/04/2026

What do we lose when we talk about ‘rupture and repair’? It’s something we talk about loads in parenting and relationships more generally. But maybe we need to talk more openly and name this as harm.

Uncomfortable, right? We don’t like to think of ourselves as people who can do harm, especially to the little people we love.

But reckoning with this is - to me- an essential part of parenting. Especially parenting in ways you didn’t experience yourself.

I’ve discussed this over on Substack today, you can subscribe using my links and it’ll land in your inbox at teatime.

What do you usually do after a parenting moment you regret?Let's end the week on an experience we all share but often do...
17/04/2026

What do you usually do after a parenting moment you regret?

Let's end the week on an experience we all share but often don't speak about. Those moments of regret.

All parents have moments they wish they'd handled differently. The raised voice that was sharper than it needed to be, the dismissal that landed wrong, the moment we were too depleted to show up in the way we wanted to. What we do in the aftermath of these moments matters enormously - not just for our relationship with our child, but for how we feel about ourselves too.

Some parents spiral into shame and self-criticism, which tends to make repair harder rather than easier. Others move quickly to minimise or forget, which closes off the possibility of genuine reconnection. Some find themselves explaining or justifying, which can shift the burden back onto the child. And some are able to pause, return, acknowledge what happened, and offer something real.

Is there anything that helps you stay 'real' in those moments?

Hard as it may be, getting honest about our habitual responses - not to judge them, but to understand them - is one of the most helpful parts of learning authentic repair. Repair is a skill and, like all skills, it begins with awareness and gets easier through practice. The bonus too is that when we get skilled at offering repair, we also know how to ask for it ourselves.

In case you're wondering what this is all about...this prompt is for A Year of Reflections — for humans who happen to be parents. For 2026, I'm going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day.

These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself. In April we will be focusing on the theme of regulation and repair.

With love, Emma

What helps your child feel calmer when things feel too much?Or even, when they feel too much?Every child has their own p...
16/04/2026

What helps your child feel calmer when things feel too much?

Or even, when they feel too much?

Every child has their own particular profile of what helps when the world becomes overwhelming. Some children need physical closeness - to be held, to feel that solid presence of a body they trust. Others need space and quiet, stimulation reduced, demands removed. Some need to move, to run it out, to externalise what they are carrying. Others need to talk, to have the experience witnessed and named.

Learning what actually helps your particular child - rather than what you think should help, or what helped you, or what is easiest for you to offer - is one of the ongoing projects of parenting. It requires observation over time, a willingness to experiment, and the humility to notice when your instinctive response isn't quite landing.

What has your child taught you about what they need? And has it taught you anything about what you need, too?

In case you're wondering what this is all about...this prompt is for A Year of Reflections — for humans who happen to be parents.

For 2026, I'm going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day. These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself. In April we will be focusing on the theme of regulation and repair.

With love, Emma

This year I've been thinking about my job, my professional identity and how it's so often intersected with motherhood (e...
15/04/2026

This year I've been thinking about my job, my professional identity and how it's so often intersected with motherhood (even before I became a mum myself).

And part of this has been getting to grips with money. With charging it, and doing so more transparently and openly. I got curious about why this has been a block for me and came up with a few different layers - around the messages we receive in the NHS, those we receive as women and mothers, and how often the answers are built in a capitalist, patriarchal frame that doesn't always fit with our values.

Would love to hear what you think, and if you relate. Fellow psychologists, especially those who struggle to charge, might find this one an interesting read.

Which emotions are hardest for you to sit with in yourself?Yesterday's question was about your children. Today's turns t...
15/04/2026

Which emotions are hardest for you to sit with in yourself?

Yesterday's question was about your children. Today's turns the lens inward - and it's perhaps the more challenging one.

We tend to be more aware of what we can't tolerate in others than what we can't tolerate in ourselves, because the feelings we most struggle with are often the ones we have the most practised strategies for avoiding.

For some people it's anger - perhaps because it felt too dangerous to express, or too frightening to receive. For others it might be grief, or neediness, or fear, or shame.

These disowned emotions don't disappear - they tend to find indirect expression, or they get projected onto those closest to us (often our children).

Getting to know the emotions you struggle to acknowledge in yourself is not a comfortable process - but it is, in the long run, one of the most liberating things you can do. For yourself, and for the people you love. I talk a lot about this in my book Parenting for Humans, and take you through some deeper reflections to get to know some of the parts of yourself you often try to ignore.

In case you're wondering what this is all about...this prompt is for A Year of Reflections — for humans who happen to be parents. For 2026, I'm going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day. These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself. In April we will be focusing on the theme of regulation and repair.

With love, Emma

Which emotions are hardest for you to sit with in your child?Not all of our children's emotions are equally easy to tole...
14/04/2026

Which emotions are hardest for you to sit with in your child?

Not all of our children's emotions are equally easy to tolerate. For many parents, there are particular emotional expressions that create a distinct internal pull - to intervene, to shut down, to soothe too quickly, to minimise, or to withdraw. Often these are the emotions that were hardest to show, or least welcome, in our own childhoods.

A parent who was punished for anger may find their child's rage almost impossible to be present with and do anything they can to stop it. A parent who learned that sadness was weakness may rush to cheer their child up before the feeling has been felt. A parent who was expected to be brave may become distressed when their child shows fear.

When we get curious about our responses to our children, we can learn so much about our own feelings too. Because the emotions we find hardest to sit with in our children are often the ones they most need us to stay present for. And the ones we need to learn how to express for ourselves.

In case you're wondering what this is all about...this prompt is for A Year of Reflections — for humans who happen to be parents. For 2026, I'm going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day. These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself. In April we will be focusing on the theme of regulation and repair.

With love, Emma

When you were growing up, what did the adults around you do when they were angry or stressed?Children are exquisitely tu...
13/04/2026

When you were growing up, what did the adults around you do when they were angry or stressed?

Children are exquisitely tuned in to the emotional states of the adults around them. Long before we have language to describe it, we are learning - through observation, through the body, through the felt sense of a room - what adults do when they are under pressure. We learn whether anger is something that explodes or implodes, whether stress is spoken about or silently endured, whether difficulty is shared or hidden, how joy is expressed or subdued. In my book Parenting for Humans, I describe children as being like little emotional barometers. They learn how to read the adults around them in order to try and get what they need.

These observations become templates. Not destinies - but starting points. Many parents find themselves, mid-argument or mid-overwhelm, hearing their own parent's voice in their throat, or noticing they've adopted the same withdrawal, the same escalation, the same way of going quiet. We can feel shame around this, but isn't there a certain inevitability to repeating what we've been shown? It is how humans learn. The invitation today is simply to look clearly at the model you were given - because you cannot consciously revise something you haven't yet noticed.

In case you're wondering what this is all about...this prompt is for A Year of Reflections — for humans who happen to be parents. For 2026, I'm going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day. These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself.

In April we will be focusing on the theme of regulation and repair. With love, Emma

How were big feelings handled in your childhood home?The emotional climate we grow up in becomes, in many ways, the weat...
10/04/2026

How were big feelings handled in your childhood home?

The emotional climate we grow up in becomes, in many ways, the weather we come to expect every day. This is the baseline against which we measure what is normal, what is safe and what needs to be hidden.

If big feelings were met with warmth and curiosity in your family of origin, you likely developed a sense that emotions are manageable, that they pass, that you can be supported through them. If they were met with dismissal, punishment, ridicule or silence, you may have learned something very different- that feelings are dangerous, inconvenient, or shameful.

These early lessons don't disappear when we become parents. They tend to live in us, shaping how we respond to our children's emotional lives - and often our own. This reflection isn't about blaming anyone. As parents, we often come face to face with the cards we were dealt. But understanding the inheritance you're working with means you can choose - with increasing intention - what you want to pass on and what you'd like to gently set down.

If you fancy diving a bit deeper into this theme, I cover a lot about what we are handed down from our parents and how to rewrite these stories in my book Parenting For Humans. Available in all the usual places and read by me on audiobook.

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In case you're wondering what this is all about...this prompt is for A Year of Reflections - for humans who happen to be parents. For 2026, I'm going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day. These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself.

In April we will be focusing on the theme of regulation and repair. With love, Emma

What happens inside you when your child is upset or melting down? What helps you to stay present with them?One of the le...
09/04/2026

What happens inside you when your child is upset or melting down? What helps you to stay present with them?

One of the less-discussed aspects of parenting is the degree to which our children's distress activates our own. When a child is in the grip of a meltdown or overwhelm, our system is also being challenged - and the experience of that challenge varies enormously depending on our own histories.

For some parents, a child's intense emotion triggers a sense of urgency or panic - a need to fix it, quickly, at any cost. For others it might activate shame (what does this say about me?) or helplessness (I don't know what to do) or even a quiet, disowned irritation.

Some parents find themselves going cold and distant, others become emotional themselves. None of these responses make you a bad parent. They make you a human one. But becoming curious about your internal experience in these moments - rather than simply reacting from it - is one of the most meaningful things you can explore. This is what helps us show up for our child as the person they are, rather than reacting from the experiences we had ourselves.

______________

In case you're wondering what this is all about...this prompt is for A Year of Reflections — for humans who happen to be parents.

For 2026, I'm going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day. These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself.

In April we will be focusing on the theme of regulation and repair. With love, Emma

What helps you steady yourself when emotions are running high?Co-regulation - the process by which we use our steady ner...
08/04/2026

What helps you steady yourself when emotions are running high?

Co-regulation - the process by which we use our steady nerves to help to soothe another's frazzled ones - is at the heart of what we're offering our children when we parent in connected, tuned in ways.

But we can only offer it if we have some access to it ourselves. And for many parents, especially in the thick of a difficult moment, the question of what actually helps to steady us can feel surprisingly hard to answer.

This isn't a question about perfect coping strategies or what you think you should do. It's a question about what genuinely works for you - what creates even a small degree of internal steadiness when the emotional temperature is rising. It might be physical: movement, cold water, breath. It might be cognitive: a phrase you return to, a reminder of what matters. It might be relational: a look from a partner, a stroke of a dog. Getting to know what helps steady you can really help create the groundwork for everything else.
__________

In case you're wondering what this is all about...this prompt is for A Year of Reflections - for humans who happen to be parents. For 2026, I'm going to be sharing reflection prompts every week day.

These are for you to use as invitations, to explore themes and ideas that matter to you. A gentle way to come home to yourself.

In April we will be focusing on the theme of regulation and repair. With love, Emma

Address

Brighton And Hove

Website

http://www.dremmasvanberg.com/, https://unnormal.substack.com/

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