Dr Emma Svanberg, Psychologist

24/01/2025

See you later folks ❤️

14/11/2024

This week I’ve been talking about work-life balance and how often we can feel we - personally- are getting things wrong when it’s hard to achieve balance.

Sometimes it can help to just write out the demands we’re placing on ourselves in these different areas of our lives. Often they are in direct conflict with each other. We end up splitting off these different parts of us. This can be helpful sometimes, especially if our work persona is very different to our family persona. But it can feel conflicting and difficult too.

Does your work role and your family role clash? Or do you find similarities between them?

12/11/2024

I had the absolute pleasure of talking to for her CEO Mums podcast. We spoke about many things related to that clash we can feel when we are parents and also have paid employment. We talked about that clash that can happen between our mothering identity and our work identity and ambitions. And this isn’t just for new partners returning to work after leave; but also might come up at different times along your parenting journey.

The concept of work-life balance is such an interesting one because work IS part of life; and for many people makes up the vast majority of their waking hours! Sometimes the idea of balance can feel really elusive.

What do you think? Is balance possible when you’re a parent? How do you try and maintain balance in your life?

I find it particularly interesting in light of the Trump win, the pull towards ‘traditional family values’ alongside continued campaigning for employment equality. That indicates to me that people (at least, some people) feel that the answer to work-life balance is to return to an (idealised, largely fantasy driven) previous time when roles were defined by gender. More on this as I percolate my thoughts!

Can’t talk about this without a huge shout out to for all they do to support and raise awareness for parents in the workplace

09/11/2024

07/11/2024

This week we’re talking about seeking neurodivergence assessments for children. What can be so hard for parents and caregivers is that the process to deciding to ask for further information can be long, and complicated. And then when you finally decide to seek advice, you can be met with what feel like a thousand closed doors.

We don’t often talk about the stamina you need to go through these processes, and then navigate the different systems around them to try and get the right support. And how many services aren’t joined up so that, for example, mental health, physical health, neurodivergence and education are all seen as completely separate when - of course- they are interlinked.

What this means is that many parents have to cobble together a pathway for themselves, and that is not an easy task.

This is not a criticism of the many hardworking professionals who work in overstretched services trying to meet the needs of children and families. Many of them are burned out too. But it is a sign that something needs to change.

What’s been your experience of seeking support for your child?

06/11/2024

This week I’m talking about assessments for autism and ADHD, and the benefits of them for your child.

Often, something that might come up for parents is the fear of labelling their child. And this is often strengthened by other people’s opinions, which can really dissuade you from seeking further advice. I know when I was considering my own autism assessment, many well meaning people dissuaded me and that muddied the waters for a while about whether I would find it helpful. (I found it not only helpful but life changing)

Sometimes this dissuasion comes from a fear that a label will lead to stigma. Sometimes people are afraid of the ‘rubber stamp’ of autism, ADHD, or another diagnosis because it takes them away from what they expected their life to be like, and can feel like confirmation that things are going to be different or difficult for them (this comes from the ableism that is so inherent in our society, but that’s another story). Sometimes people don’t understand what these labels mean, so can’t see how they fit for your child.

The thing is, labels are everywhere. We may not seek a diagnostic label- for ourselves or our child- but we are still labelled all the time. And, when you are autistic or ADHD and don’t know that, some of those labels are negative and have an impact on your sense of self. Labels like weird, or lazy, or quirky, or strange, or difficult, or shy. And you might work super hard, if you’re able to, to try not to be labelled in those ways- which leads to exhaustion.

There are pros and cons to all diagnoses, and our diagnostic criteria are flawed and ever changing. But labels like these can also aid understanding and help us to meet children where they are, as the person they are.

What do you think? Do you find these labels helpful? Do you have worries about them?

05/11/2024

Would you add anything?

Feel free to add your experiences, as well as your recommendations for information, resources, useful accounts in the comments 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽

25/10/2024

This week I’ve been answering the question- is it traumatising if I leave my child crying at drop off? But they are ok when I pick them up.

We can get really in a spin about trauma. We know more than ever about the causes and consequences of childhood trauma. Many of the parents I speak to are highly aware of their own childhood wounds and are keen not to repeat them.

This knowledge is very powerful and means we are aware of wounds and the importance of repair.

But it also means that we can become anxious about expressions of emotion in general. And fear that- unless our child is happy all the time- we will cause them trauma.

It can be hard to accept that life is messy, and parenting is messy, and childhood is messy, and we can’t shield our children from all wounds.

AND it’s important to know that those wounds- upset, distress, struggle, heartache- are also part of life. And an important part of life! Because they teach us we can cope.

As parents we can’t protect our children from wounds, but we can be there to wipe the tears away.

If you are concerned that your child *is* traumatised, then please speak to a trusted healthcare provider or look at or your local services.

24/10/2024

We’ve been talking about separation this week and how difficult it can feel for us as parents or caregivers when our child is upset at being left somewhere.

Often we tell ourselves we ‘should’ be ok or that our child ‘should’ be ok because that’s what is expected.

Actually so many different factors go into what a separation might feel like. Child factors, you factors, wider people factors and the setting itself.

This is a very non-exhaustive list of different considerations, which goes a small way to explaining why these moments and decisions can feel so complicated. Even when it’s just what we are ‘meant’ to do, easily.

What would you add?

18/10/2024

We can get caught up in labels but really what we’re talking about here is stress (and is there too much of it) and expectation (and is there too much of it).

We can find ways to reduce the stress in our family life - as well as accept that some stress is a normal part of family life.

A greater question is whether we give our children space to be children. This is not just about a hurried life- this is about who they are *to us*

Sometimes our children can become:

- the people who live out our dreams
- a measure of our own success
- our mini confidantes
- a marker of validation for us

This is hard to figure out, but one starting point is to ask ourselves how we feel when our children don’t meet our expectations. Sometimes this can represent a challenge to our ideals, rather than a mild disappointment. Have you noticed this?

10/10/2024

This week I’ve been talking about school trauma - specifically why exposure may not work.

Part of understanding this for me was discovering deschooling- which was a totally new concept for me not so long ago. I have written about it in my substack- comment ‘Deschool’ if you’d like the link to your DM’s.

I found reading and listening to information about this that a) there wasn’t a lot of info out there and b) lots of the information came from those already out of the school system. I think it’s important to acknowledge that it is a Big Deal when a relationship with school begins to break down. Sometimes it can be repaired, sometimes it can’t.

Learning about different ways of learning helped me, so I’m sharing it here.

And, as ever, check out others such as .jones

09/10/2024

Here’s a brief summary of my video yesterday.

As I mentioned, this is not an area of professional expertise for me but something I’ve learned a lot about in recent years. For more professional input please look at webinars from and .

As parents we may hear advice that doesn’t fit for us or our child, and it takes a lot to challenge that. Advocacy for our children is a whole parenting skill that we don’t really talk about a lot, but one some parents have to learn very early. You know your child ❤️