Valentina Enis Counselling

09/06/2025

🌿 The Amygdala Hijack: When Emotions Take the Wheel 🌿

Ever found yourself reacting in the heat of the moment—saying something you later regretted? You’re not alone. This is what we call an *amygdala hijack*, a fascinating yet often frustrating aspect of our emotional wiring.

The amygdala, our brain's emotional alarm system, is designed to detect threats and protect us swiftly. In our fast-paced world, however, these "threats" often stem from emotional triggers: a harsh email, a partner’s criticism, or even being stuck in traffic. When the amygdala senses danger, it bypasses our rational brain (the prefrontal cortex), launching us into fight, flight, or freeze mode before we’ve had a chance to think clearly.

This is why you might find yourself yelling in anger, shutting down in fear, or saying something hurtful during a conflict. It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s simply how we’re wired. 💛

Why does this matter? Chronic amygdala hijacks can lead to strained relationships, poor decision-making, and even burnout. Understanding this process is essential for developing emotional intelligence. It teaches us to pause, breathe, and engage our prefrontal cortex before reacting.

Here’s a practical tip: Next time you feel emotionally overwhelmed, take a moment to pause and name what you’re feeling—“I’m feeling anxious,” or “I’m angry.” Naming emotions engages your thinking brain and helps regulate the emotional one.

This awareness isn’t just psychological; it’s transformative. It creates space between stimulus and response. And in that space lies our power to choose how we respond.

So let’s embrace this journey together. What’s one small act of self-compassion you’ve offered yourself today? 🌱

09/06/2025

Love has a way of revealing not only who we are but who the other person once had to be.

The further we go into intimacy, the more we encounter the early scripts that shaped us:

How we learned to express need (or not)
What closeness felt like.
How we coped when it wasn't available.

And we are not just meeting our partner, we are also meeting their childhood.
Their ghosts. Their defences. Their unspoken expectations of what love should be and how it might fail.

This doesn't mean we are doomed.
But it does mean that love asks for more than chemistry or compatibility. It asks for compassion, insight and the courage to see the child inside the adult.
And maybe let our child be seen too.

Because no matter how grow we are, love will always stir something ancient.

09/06/2025

LISTEN

When I ask you to listen to me
And you start giving me advice,
You have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you begin to tell me
‘why’ I shouldn’t feel that way,
You are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you feel you have to do
something to solve my problems,
You have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I ask is that you listen;
Not talk, nor do – just hear me.
And I can do for myself –
I’m not helpless
Maybe discouraged and faltering,
but not helpless.
When you do something for me,
that I can and need to do for myself,
You contribute to my fear and weakness.
But when you accept as a simple fact
that I do feel what I feel,
No matter how irrational
Then I quit trying to convince you
And can get about the business
of understanding
What’s behind this irrational feeling?
When that’s clear,
The answers are obvious
and I don’t need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we
Understand what’s behind them.
Perhaps that’s why prayer works
sometimes for some people;
because God is mute,
and doesn’t give advice to try to ‘fix’ things,
He/ She just listens,
and lets you work it out for yourself.
So please listen,
and just hear me, and if you want to talk,
Wait a minute for your turn,
And I’ll listen to you.

This poem was written by a mental health patient who was institutionalized over a number of years in Queensland, Australia. He wishes to remain anonymous.
His words acknowledge that simply listening is sometimes enough. No clever interventions or suggestions or useful pieces of advice can take the place of simply and truly listening to someone and accepting what they have to say without opinion or judgement.

23/04/2025

Relationship Strains
Unspoken expectations AvoidanceNeeding to be right ”Be more like me” mentality Reactivity and impatience Withholding your true and love Ignoring bids for connection Micro-managing and control Demands rather than invitationsBetrayals of trust Keeping score

08/03/2025

11/02/2025

‘There is a story of a woman running away from tigers. She runs and runs and the tigers are getting closer and closer. When she comes to the edge of a cliff, she sees some vines there, so she climbs down and holds on to the vines. Looking down, she sees that there are tigers below her as well. She then notices that a mouse is gnawing away at the vine to which she is clinging. She also sees a beautiful little bunch of strawberries close to her, growing out of a clump of grass. She looks up and she looks down. She looks at the mouse. Then she just takes a strawberry, puts it in her mouth, and enjoys it thoroughly.

Tigers above, tigers below. This is actually the predicament that we are always in, in terms of our birth and death. Each moment is just what it is. It might be the only moment of our life; it might be the only strawberry we’ll ever eat. We could get depressed about it, or we could finally appreciate it and delight in the preciousness of every single moment of our life.‘

— Pema Chödrön (The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Loving Kindness

27/01/2025

I am…

17/01/2025

About controlling and accepting 🤔

10/01/2025

Learn to recognise what is your stuff and what is theirs projected onto you. You’ll be amazed how much of their stuff lives rent free in your head.

Instead practice healthy boundaries, self care and self compassion.
The good news is those things also get projected 👍

06/01/2025

How to hack your happy hormones

23/12/2024

The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life. Be gentle and kind 💜