Tony Austin Counselling

05/07/2025

We go to all sorts of lengths, often unconsciously, to hide from what has hurt us. But only by attuning to pain can we hope to heal

05/07/2025

"a better life can grow out of the anguish of recognising that we are not in control." This is a key concept in therapy. usually, we do everything we can to avoid pain and so called "negative" feelings, but if we can learn to move towards them, sit with them and understand them more deeply we can transform ourselves for the better.

We go to all sorts of lengths, often unconsciously, to hide from what has hurt us. But only by attuning to pain can we hope to heal

20/06/2025

02/06/2025

What we want is quick, clever fixes. What we need is quite different: the ability to tolerate intolerable feelings, to sustainably change and grow

01/02/2025

I have just become accredited with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. This means I have passed their assessment of my clinical skills, experience and attained their standards of excellence in the profession.

22/12/2024

this can be a tough time of year for many. If you need help there are places you can go. Don't suffer in silence.

29/08/2024

I love this short essay. Much of it applies to therapy too: Being with our experience; finding the courage to allow ourselves to sit with our distress. building resilience.

"Sometimes the most adventurous of us meet our edge in the strangest places, like when we can't get a good cup of coffee."

The simple act of stopping, says Pema Chödrön, is the best way to cultivate our good qualities. Here are five ways meditation makes us better people.

09/08/2024

This spoke to me today. We can all suffer with that feeling we are "not good enough" or Imposter Syndrome. But comparison is the thief that steals our power. There will always be someone who seems to be better than us, but our strength lies in our choice to lay down a habit of negative self-talk and embrace our gifts.

29/07/2024

It’s easy to blame your problems on everyone else. It’s much more difficult to face your own failings and take agency in your life

13/07/2024

Grief and bereavement are perhaps the most severe issues we face in life. It can be for the loss of a partner, or a friend, a career, a pet,. It is process of being with your pain and accepting that your life will be different from now on. We will usually get it wrong when we try to talk to those who are grieving but that is ok. the important thing is to give them your attention and just be present.

They walk among you every day.

The silent grievers.

It’s easy to miss them for they’ve learned how to mask their true pain.

You may think you are supporting them when you ask “How are you doing?”

But mostly they tell you what you want to hear:
“I’m doing ok.”
“Hanging in there.”
“I’m taking it one day at a time.”

But if they had permission to be honest they’d probably tell you truth:
“Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe under the weight of all this grief.”
“I don’t understand how the world can just keep moving on.”
“I feel completely alone.”

You nod your head in sympathy and say “Let me know if you need anything.”

And again they tell you what you want to hear:
“Ok. Thanks.”
“That’s so kind. Thank you.”
“I will.”

But if they had permission to be honest they’d probably tell you truth:
“I promise you I won’t let you know if I need anything.”
“It’s all I can do to put one foot in front of the other. I don’t know what I need. I don’t have the energy to reach out. So, I won’t.
“There’s no way I will. I don’t want to seem weak.”

Maybe you give them a hug and you whisper “I wish I could make it better for you” before you walk away.

And they smile and whisper back what you want to hear:
“Thank you.”
“That means a lot.”
“I appreciate you.”

But if they had permission to be honest they’d probably tell you truth:
“No one can make it better but you could sit with me in my messy grief for a while longer.”
“I don’t want someone to make it better. I want someone to let me talk about how much it really hurts.”
“Then please reach out more. Talk about my loved one. Support me even when I can’t ask for it.”

And later that night you think about them as you capture a quiet still moment in your evening and your heart aches because you know they are struggling.

You hope they know how much you truly care about them.

You pick up your phone and think about reaching out to them.

But then you doubt yourself.

You don’t want to make them feel worse.
You don’t want to remind them of their pain if they are having a good night.
You don’t really know what to say.

And so you put down your phone and trust that they will reach out to you if they need you.

But they probably won’t.

Because we don’t give them enough permission to be real with their grief.

And so they continue to walk among us.

Grieving.

In silence.
*****

08/07/2024

Edward Hopper is a genius

There are times when it will go so wrong that you will barely be alive, and times when you realise that being barely alive, on your own terms, is better than living a bloated half-life on someone else's terms. ~Jeanette Winterson

(Book: Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? https://amzn.to/3XHJgC3 [ad])

(Art: Eleven A.M., 1926 by Edward Hopper)

26/04/2024

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/apr/25/the-experts-librarians-on-20-easy-enjoyable-ways-to-read-more-brilliant-books?CMP=share_btn_url

From this article: "Morrish makes a final impassioned plea: “It has been scientifically proven that reading increases your powers of empathy, social skills and ability to relate to other people. It relaxes you, it lowers your cortisol levels and blood pressure. It increases your vocabulary, your knowledge, creativity and imagination. If you read for pleasure, your grades will be better. To read from a book gives you time off the screen, which is hugely beneficial for your mental health.”

I have been making time for reading for pleasure lately. I have gone back to David Copperfield, a novel I read for O level and have loved ever since. What is your favourite novel and why?

Do you love reading – but all too often find yourself just scrolling through your phone or watching TV? Here is how to get lost in literature again