25/12/2025
𝐌𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐀𝐝𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐬 🎅
(because apparently this is still needed):
“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas” means snow. Not co***ne. Calm down, Scarface.
Rudolph’s nose isn’t red because he’s been doing lines — he’s magical. Be like Rudolph Not like Steve who “knows a guy”.
If you find yourself asking, “Can this Christmas ornament fit up my…?” The answer is NO.
Stuff your stockings, not your openings.
And never with alcohol bottles.
It’s Elf on a Shelf, not Rum in Your Bum.
If your BMI is 40+, your belly may resemble Santa’s, but unlike him, you are not powered by festive magic. You will not fit down a chimney.
Use the door. We’re tired.
If you get drunk and punch a brick wall:
the wall will win. Congratulations on your Christmas plaster cast.
If you get drunk and punch another human:
you may get a cast and a court date. Season’s greetings.
If you drink too much and start puking —
do it at home. Quietly. Like the rest of the nation.
If you develop chest pain after eating ham, turkey, potatoes, pudding, cake, and drinking like prohibition just ended —
you’re probably not having a heart attack.
It’s indigestion.
Or gallstones
Or pancreatitis.
Festive, isn’t it? 🎄
If you get food poisoning from dodgy turkey and have diarrhoea —
stay home and p**p in your own toilet.
NHS loo roll is thin, scratchy, and powered entirely by budget cuts. Treat your arse better than the government treats us.
If you’re an adult, slightly pi**ed, and eyeing up your kid’s new scooter/skateboard/bike —
don’t. Gravity is no longer your friend. Your bones remember your age even if your ego doesn’t.
Seriously though:
While you’re enjoying friends, family, and food, spare a thought for health-care workers spending Christmas at work instead of on the sofa.
Be safe. Be kind. Check in on people who don’t have much support.
Not everyone gets a happy Christmas — but you can help make it less s**t
Now go forth.
Eat. Drink. Behave.
Or at least don’t make medical professionals work harder than necessary. 😉
