Jessica Hunter Counselling Bristol

02/01/2022

02/01/2022

How can walk and talk ecotherapy help me?

I am also excited to offer walk and talk counselling sessions. For those who find it challenging to be indoors in the traditional counselling setting, I offer the opportunity to meet and walk in woods and commons, in the fresh air and in nature in different weather and changing seasons.

This can be liberating, moving and a completely different way of counselling. It is a mindfulness based therapy which offers the opportunity to ponder, ruminate and be fully present in the body, mind and indeed soul.

It can engage with the breath, be more relaxing and release physical tension. It is a form of therapy linked with the sense of freedom, connection and empowerment we have outdoors and being linked to the natural world.

It is possible to receive a different mind-body insight when processing experience and thoughts in a different way. Like the body work I introduce in sessions accessing the physically stored trauma, through walking side by side in walk and talk counselling, it allows the release of new ideas, thoughts and perspectives.

Energising, dynamic, you lead the pace and direction of the counselling itself, yet you are physically side by side with me which can be much less inhibiting or intimidating.

It is right and left brain engagement, integration of body and mind in a way that is mutually creative, relational and in the presence of the wider world and honouring the importance of us being in it. We are valued and our existence important to the universe and the people around us.

If you feel apprehensive and unsure of therapy, it can be used as an introduction to the counselling relationship, until or if you feel ready to enter the therapy room. For those clients bringing tricky, painful or perceived shameful issues, it is a chance to feel grounded and it can be less physically confrontational than looking me eye to eye in the therapy room.

In our first session at my therapy room, we will talk about confidentiality, what we would do if we see other people. You can also decide what you feel about walking in inclement weather. I am happy to do so. It is surprising what can be accessed or emerges, but it will be ultimately decided by yourself as the client.

Walk and talk is particularly suited to anxiety and overwhelm, fears of open spaces, or people feeling trapped in lives or roles that don't suit them anymore. This is not about fitness, or how quick we can walk. It is to be together, in nature becoming our present, real and authentic selves. Feeling grounded in the natural world around us, in raw elements, enhancing our sense of freedom and allowing blood and vigour to flow.

The importance of trust and feeling safe can not be understated. I would really like to also reach out to women in this kind of therapy; mothers with babies and no time to be with themselves or too tired to walk but in need of a break or a breather in life.

I will be taking on new clients from now, just look at my website. Thanks Jess

https://freebird-counselling.co.uk/

29/12/2021

What importance does intuition hold in selecting a counsellor?

In other parts of the world intuition is recognised as a valuable 'sense' and it has been highly regarded throughout history by mystics, religious leaders and spiritual healers.

Perhaps indeed nothing would ever be achieved by humanity if people hadn't bravely follow their intuition.

Yet in a rational and quantifiable world it is dismissed as inexplicable and irrelevant. As a counsellor, I will encourage you to hone and trust your intuition despite societal pressures.

As I fundamentally believe that within every human we have the answer inside ourselves to live our most meaningful and fulfilled lives. We know our own truths and what we need to become our genuine and real selves.

Somewhere our relationships, our society and external voices invalidated our intuition, but it can only benefit us to retrain our hearts to hear our fundamental needs for our self again.

Firstly, the importance of intuition in finding a counsellor. There are a lot of similar words which you will repeatedly seen being used by therapists to represent good counselling practice and they are all essential; confidentiality, safe space, empathy, unconditional positive regard. But it can make finding a counsellor difficult if they seem to be offering similar things.

Maybe you see counsellors with a lot of experience or not a lot of experience and these things are important to you. Or someone who is trained in the area you'd like to explore, such as depression, trauma, abuse or addictions, whatever it may be.

All these things are of immense importance, but as is the quality of the relationship with your counsellor and using your intuition to gauge whether they are right for you in how they work, express, communicate and impart themselves.

I am a relational counsellor, by that I mean you the client and myself the counsellor will build a professional relationship together on the basis of trust, openess, mutual commitment to the process and hopefully nourishing and supportive for you the client. My part is to assist you professionally by challenging and reflecting your reality back to you so you can reframe it or accept it.

I will also feel a pride for you, in your gradual unfurling of wings and growth and look forward to having the chance to work with you.

It is therefore paramount that you reach in and ask yourself 'does this counsellor resonate for me? Can I work with trust and safety with them? Do their values and strengths align with what I am hoping for?"

Welcome then to the first step in becoming your true authentic self by following your intuition if you feel you'd like to contact me.

Freebird-counselling.co.uk

28/12/2021

Do I need a counsellor?

For those of you who have previously undertaken therapy, you might already be aware as to what you might need from a therapist. You may want experience or qualifications in the area you are seeking help in, such as trauma, abuse or addiction.

Perhaps you want a therapist who adopts a specific modality such as Gestalt, Somatic, CBT, EMDR, Transactional Analysis, Existential etc. if you've had previous experience or someone has recommended it.

Or you may feel something resonate when you read a counsellor's profile. Perhaps you know what you hope for or what didn't work for you, based on a previous therapist's support or limitations.

For those of you who are looking to find a counsellor for the first time, it can be daunting and overwhelming. You might feel desperate, confused and needing a break in life. Maybe Christmas was challenging or stressful, maybe you feel a desire for growth in the new year.

Whether you are trying to understand what counselling is all about, or if you are trying to decipher what you need, let me tell you what I can offer.

Chances are, if you are scanning looking for a therapist, you may have reached a breaking point, where you need something to change. Or perhaps not as dramatic as breaking point, you just hope for something to give more meaning, calm or happiness to your life. Maybe you feel anxious, stressed, lost, unworthy or isolated and you need professional support and help.

As a counsellor, I offer you a confidential safe space to explore facets of your life which are now proving redundant. For examples patterns of relating to others, negative or critical thought patterns or the constant rehashing of addictive, consuming and self sabotaging behaviours.

I offer you unconditional positive regard, support, a genuine care for your wellbeing and mental health and a desire to enable your life to improve. I will provide you with integrative skills that will draw on the different psychotherapeutic theories and approaches, as and when you need them or are suitable for you.

I ensure attentive listening, empathic dialogue, compassion for you and the things you have undergone in your life. I will not judge you, I am accepting of you as a human and your foibles.

This doesn't mean I am a collaborator with you, I will also challenge your thoughts and beliefs where appropriate and encourage you to question yourself and your actions where necessary.

Counselling can work backwards into your past to explore the pain, sadness or limitations inflicted upon you, yet also moves forward to enable you to see how life can change. This can be messy and painful, yet also releasing and exciting; rewriting old patterns of communication, unnecessary behaviours or damaging thought processes.

As a I am a relational counsellor, I feel that the most important thing is the quality of the relationship between you as the client and me as the therapist. If you feel like you would be able to work with me or know someone who will benefit from it, please make contact for an initial call to see if we can work together.

https://freebird-counselling.co.uk/

25/12/2021

Coping at Christmas:Gratitude

What's the best way to show gratitude?

One of the best defences against depression anxiety and low mood or negative thoughts is to practise gratitude. You can write it down or simply focus as you are between sleep and waking on 3 things you are waking up grateful for, large or small. This simple technique has been proven to promote psychological well being and literally makes people more happier.

People who practise gratitude also report stronger immune systems, lower blood pressure, relief in symptoms of depression, less isolation and loneliness and more positive emotions.

In a period when things can seem lonely or stressful, try to think of the things you DO have in your life. Your home would mean everything to a homeless person, your job such a gift to an unemployed person, your health invaluable to someone who is ill. It isn't invadating that you don't feel content, but trying to shift the focus to a different perspective.

Gratitude is so simple, yet so effective, it's similar to CBT where we reality check the brain's propensity for the negative framing of situations.

Many clients have an innate desire to express gratitude yet it is often blocked by certain thought patterns or beliefs. These are cultural or learnt but can be very inhibiting.

As I counsellor I challenge our contemporary culture of consumption, the practice of shortfall and the belief we desire and need more to be happy. At Christmas especially this is corrosive and damaging to our sense of self.

Practising gratitude is about challenging and changing these thought patterns when people believe things are lacking and move gently to focusing onto the things surrounding them. The warmth of sun on their face. A stranger's smile. A child's laugh. Whatever brings pleasure and allows the heart to sing a little.

Expressing gratitude is the extension of thinking about it. Its the verbalisation of the bodily experience of pleasure, fully spoken and brought to life. As a counsellor, I would aim to enable you to feel and express gratitude in tough or sad moments. Especially if you weren't parented with gratitude or little was ever expressed to you.

Changing habits such as thoughts requires conscious practise, but exercising the muscles of gratitude promotes long term emotional wellbeing and better relationships. It also goes hand in hand with positive self regard and exploring a lack of self worth.

It is suggested that gratitude promotes a meaningfulness to someone's life, like in the film " Its a Wonderful Life", gratitude may help people understand why they matter to others and their place in the world.

With clients, I might approach gratitude in lots of different ways:
*As aforementioned perhaps keeping a gratitude diary.
*Incorporating gratitude into your or your family routine eg "what have you been grateful for today?" at your evening meal.
*Make an effort to find hope and joy in small gestures and gifts of others.
*Verbally expressing gratitude at least once a day to someone (genuinely felt!).
*When facing a difficult situation, asking yourself " What can I be grateful for in this situation?"
Which can be exceptionally difficult but is the beginning of reframing our experience.

Even though it might feel artifical and awkward to begin with, why not try it. Especially today on Christmas day to counterbalance the consumerist thirst for stuff. Why not choose to express love, realness, connection and heartfelt thanks?

25/12/2021

How can I cope with my children's tantrums and meltdowns at Christmas?

To cope with your child's meltdowns and emotional dysregulation, you need to first make sure you are emotionally regulated, safe and secure. Try to ignore any family or friend response and focus on how you want to respond to your child.

This might mean becoming aware of how you were or weren't regulated yourself as a child. Your child's feelings might feel unbearable, overwhelming or unacceptable and trigger large feelings in yourself.

If you feel your emotions getting out of control when your child is having a tantrum, try to be curious which emotions they are (anger, frustration, whining, crying etc.) and how your parents responded to those emotions when you were a child.

Where these emotions permitted to be expressed?
Did you get what you needed?
Did you lack anything?
Can you give yourself now what you lacked then?

Self-regulating your emotions is a learned skill you might never have been given the components to do. The good news is with counselling techniques of self compassion, self awareness and curiosity you can begin to parent yourself and fill the emotionally regulating absences.

How well you soothe your child, is a reflection of how you soothe yourself, in turn a reflection of how you were soothed as a child and the quality of soothing support you received.

To parent a child, you might need to learn how to re-parent your inner child. A big part of this is staying with yourself when you have big overwhelming emotions.

And you thought it was staying with your child with their big overwhelming emotions!

In order to support our children, we need to realise we are not the unsupported or vulnerable child we were back then. As we learn to calm ourselves we learn to calm our child.

Try and foster an internal mothering and nurturing voice that feels supportive and accepting of you. Try to feel deeply that all the love you need lies deep within you but easily accessible.

As you calm your nervous system you co-regulate and calm your child in turn.

Get down to their level. Find connection with them. Emotional dysregulation creates a divide. Find the love for them and let it swell your heart. Try to empathise what they might be feeling, feel compassion for their fears, disappointments and overwhelm and feel gratitude for everything that they are in your life.

Make eye contact. And be with them, if you can, ensure they are safe. Try preventative measures of naps, quiet times and stepping away.

Be kind to yourself and them. Remember tantrums aren't bad behaviour they are a communication from the child that they need support from you.

24/12/2021

Coping at Christmas:Compassion

How can compassion help those who hurt me at Christmas?

Compassion is one of the most important tools in relationships and works wonderfully at Christmas as a way of understanding, healing and eventually releasing old hurts and pains for the person who practises it.

It can be very challenging to direct compassion to those who have abused, traumatised, neglected or hurt us. It can feel counter intuitive and painful in itself.

Yet it is powerful acknowledging perpetrators humanity and their limitations as to how and why they behaved and eventually releasing ourselves from the anger, frustration, hatred and sadness we may feel they brought to us.

This is done firstly be feeling empathy to someone and then sending them compassion if possible. Compassion expressed as a love of someone's humanity, a desire to help another, a sympathy of another's pain, sorrow and and distress.

This can give a depth of comprehension and clarity as to the whys of inappropriate behaviour towards us, coupled with a love for ourselves and everything we went through.

Feeling compassion for others is also a releasing liberation for us, as we feel the pain they must have been in to inflict such things upon us. And this in turn might release us from entering the same behavioural patterns, power struggles and battles their pain engages us in and awakens in us.

It might allow us to choose other responses from the triggered feelings we have, so we can emotionally regulate and change how people have behaved over generations in our family. Or break negative miscommunication between friends and loved ones.

Self compassion can be a challenging tool to apply to oneself. It is absolutely essential to people who have suffered abuse, trauma or neglect and have an internal self critical voice. It is also effective in therapy with anxiety and depression so it is worth trying to explore.

In a nutshell it is about allowing oneself to be completely true to self. Giving permission to be you. It's about accepting oneself fully; all the good and bad things that have moulded and shaped us, however painful they are.

Compassion is about acceptance without pushing the dark parts away, without rejecting parts of self that were formed by bad previous experiences. Also feeling a deep resonance and honouring of everything we have gone through.

As an integrative counsellor I utilise compassion focused therapy (CFT) a great deal, as and when it is appropriate for my clients. As a therapist I believe it promotes an essential aspect of emotional wellbeing which everyone would benefit from, to some degree.

For the scientists, biochemistry indicates that compassion enhances positive emotions in response to adverse situations by releasing oxytocin and dopamine. Compassion works as an emotional muscle, the more we use it the stronger it becomes and the better we become at applying it to difficult situations.

In therapy I use mindfulness and meditation techniques, I find the loving kindness meditation to be a useful introduction into how to direct compassion towards others and self.
It can be modelled in the therapy room and then utilised by clients whenever they need to access it.

For those clients who find accessing feelings or emotions difficult or complex we can use somatic body work which aims to release physically trapped trauma and memories from the body.

Compassion is the most useful skill, to breathe deep into the experienced difficulty or pain and feel a sense of love, acceptance and respect for everything our previous selves endured and survived. A sense of "it shouldn't have been that hard, but here I am!" And to love oneself despite it.

Self compassion is not an overnight fix, it takes time and dedication from my clients to change internal critical dialogue, to foster self esteem and self worth. But the brain and its plasticity can be remoulded and it is said by many, that practising compassion is actually practicing happiness.

It gives meaningful connection to self and others and it cuts through ego, defences and fears, actively promoting resilience and self regard.

Who wouldn't enjoy a bit of that at Christmas?

https://freebird-counselling.co.uk/