02/12/2025
Yes!!!
When I say ‘hand over hand’ I am referring to the physical prompting that often happens when some therapists teach kids. These kids don’t have motor difficulties.
Often therapists will say that it’s a matter of not understanding. The kid doesn’t understand which one the star is, or they don’t understand the instruction ‘point to’ or ‘give me’. That might be true some of the time. I would still argue that there are other, less intrusive, more respectful ways to teach our kids.
More often than not, though, this technique is about compliance.
The adult is teaching the child to comply with any and every instruction. A lot of the time the child’s autonomy is removed. They don’t have a choice. They don’t have a voice.
There are massive issues with this.
Our neurodivergent kids are already at higher risk of abuse than their neurotypical peers.
Our ND kids are already up against horrific mental health statistics.
It’s really dangerous to teach our ND kids that they owe total control to adults and authority figures, no matter what. No matter how uncomfortable they feel. No matter how unsafe it feels. We should not be teaching our kids to ignore their needs. Never.
This illustration shows the specific problems.
Here are ways that you can teach without hand over hand:
1. Modelling. Show the particular concept or skill that the child can practice. Model without expectation. That means it is their choice whether they engage with the practice or not.
2. Build the new skills and concepts into natural, authentic play interactions. Our kids learn new stuff amazingly fast when we connect with them through their deep interests and joy.
3. Give the child an opportunity to help a teddy or toy ‘practice’ the new skill or concept. That way the pressure is off the child to get it right.
4. Give the child opportunity to be the teacher and have them teach a parent the new thing.
5. You can always ask if the child wants your help with it. You can offer assistance in the way of positioning their hand, or helping with a difficult toy. If they want your help, fine. Teach them that they have control over who touches their body. Show them how an adult asks for consent.
Bottom line- our kids don’t always have the mental capacity to meet our expectations. This could be for lots of different reasons. If a kid is not engaging with the therapy tasks, consider if the task is appropriate. Think about the child’s strengths and deep interests, and adjust things so that the learning happens in a fun, natural way. If the kid isn’t doing it, change the task. Try different things.
Hand over hand is unnecessary.
Em 🌈🌻✌️
AuDHD SLP
