23/02/2026
Some teachings, healing spaces and retreats reveal our shadow aspects in ways that are obvious. The rejection felt through life, the lack of love given in our younger years, grief, you name it, it all comes up. I’ve sat in so many spaces like this the past 20 years. Recognising the wounded child, the pain caused from toxic relationships, the different programmes created by myself for protection. Then this weekend happened, an incredibly, deeply beautiful space created by Juliette Bryant, ‘The way of Cacao retreat’.
Set in the stunning backdrop of Glastonbury, amongst the intense energies of the land, we all came together to learn from Mama Cacao. A group of women, led by the wisdom of Juliette, and our intents set firmly in place. From the second I arrived, something was stirring. I am used to this feeling, the uncomfortable shadow rising up to be heard, I practice everything I teach. Go into the energy, go in to the pain, allow the uncomfortable feelings to be heard, but this was different. So, I sat and felt, and sat and allowed, and again something felt different. I released trying to work out what the energy was inside me, my inquisitive mind trying to pop it in a box, so I can label it, heal it, release it and enjoy the retreat and the space created. I had to pull back from some of the classes, creating stillness in myself, my body wasn’t giving me an option here, rest, be still, allow, surrender. My body didn’t want food, so I honoured that. It needed to be still, in my own space, I allowed her to receive all she needed.
Within the time I stayed on this retreat, the teachings received from Juliette and Mama Cacao were incredibly powerful, yet in a nurturing, loving, feminine way. Learning to listen to our own bodies innate intelligence, receiving ancient teachings from the Earth and creating that space, yet my body kept resisting everything, craving for something I couldn’t articulate. I may have come across rude, distant to the other attendees but then I leaned into the wisdom screaming out, and it all began with an oracle card I received in my welcome pack, ‘Pave your own way’.
My body was exhausted. For years, I chased wisdom, healing, joy, vitality, placing myself into intensely profound, deep healings. I have had more deaths and rebirths than I care to remember, worked on the ancestral line, purged in multiple ways, surrendered to medicinal plants, surrendered to the pain, I’ve done it all. I have been looking to ‘fix’ the fatigue. Looking at what foods to remove, what foods and supplements to add, working on what is causing the fatigue, chasing the ‘healing’. Constantly working on myself to become and continue to be the ‘hollow bone’, to be the best possible version to be able to hold space for others.
Over the weekend, Juliette's Kitchen had arranged for us all to have private access to the White Springs, an incredibly private sacred place. Upon entering, the energy can only be described as etherical, angelic. The dark stone room was lit only with candles, a ceremony led by Juliette allowed us to drop deeper, into our feminine, into Mary Magdalene and the divine energies that support this land. Her voice reverberated in that beautiful space, she truly has a voice of an angel and there was no doubt that we were held in the most sacred way. One by one we went into the spring itself, freezing cold waters yet held in the warmth of all around us. Within all this magic, something still kept stirring in me, until I finally listened. My whole life I have been in full steam ahead mode, constantly moving, surviving, learning, surviving less, then thriving but still constantly moving. What else can I heal, how else can I be better, do better, the whole time my body was telling me to be still, but I’ve paid to be here, I love Juliettes teachings, I love the energies of the land, I need to learn, mediate, heal – but it turns out I didn’t.
My body came back into balance after Peru, back in to my feminine for possibly the first time in my life. But, then I came home and hit the ground running, and went into the autopilot of the masculine doing energy. Trying to have the healthiest things to gain more vitality so I can keep up with the energies, the teachings, the clients, the workshops, the planning, learning Spanish, doing karate classes, catching up with all the messages that come in the dozens on a daily basis. But, my body simply wants to be still, she wants full autonomy to be able to say, I am safe to express my needs, I am safe to say no, to stop, to cancel things, even though it may not please others. With the most paramount takeaway I will possibly ever receive, I listened to what my body wanted, packed up and went home. In that instant of listening to my needs, my body relaxed instantly. I learnt that the biggest teachers are the elements, the directions, the land, all she has created, we are our own guru and no matter what you are taught about what is good or not good for your body, there is no one size fit all, and listening to your own wisdom (not the ego that is driving you through fear, but the innate intelligence that guides us fully), can be the only way as we move forward.
The frequency now is heart led, heart coherence. I am full of gratitude for what Juliette created this weekend, when it comes to medicine, you will always get what you need, not necessarily what you want! I could write a whole other post just about cacao, but I shall simply direct you to Juliette Bryant, who runs the most amazing courses, teachings and embodies Mama Cacao’s (chocolate!) medicine and wisdom.
A big thank you to Giles too for the most amazing food all weekend! 💕
