27/04/2026
As a therapist, I’ve been noticing a pattern in my work lately.
Many women come to therapy feeling anxious, stressed, or low. On the surface, it can look like overwhelm, burnout, or low mood. But when we take the time to gently piece together their story, to really understand where these feelings come from, we often uncover something deeper.
A set of long-held beliefs:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’m not worthy of love.”
“I’ve failed.”
These beliefs rarely appear out of nowhere. They’re shaped over time, through past experiences, early relationships, and the powerful (often unspoken) expectations placed on women in society.
Somewhere along the way, many women learn rules like:
“I must put others first.”
“I should be able to cope with everything.”
“I can’t let people down.”
And while these rules might once have helped us feel accepted or safe, they often come at a cost. They can lead to people-pleasing, self-criticism, and a constant sense of falling short.
One part of therapy I really value is the educational piece. Helping people understand what’s happening inside their minds and bodies.
When we’re constantly criticising ourselves or carrying shame, we activate our threat system. And that threat doesn’t just come from the outside world, it can come from within.
When this system is switched on, we might notice:
• Feeling overwhelmed or on edge
• Struggling to make decisions
• Becoming more reactive
• Finding it hard to concentrate or remember things
Physiologically, the body is flooded with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Over time, this can become exhausting. Eventually, the system may push us into shutdown: feeling numb, disconnected, or losing motivation for things we once enjoyed.
This is why self-esteem work is so important.
It’s not about “thinking positively” or ignoring struggles. It’s about gently identifying these old belief systems, understanding where they came from, and updating them to something more balanced, compassionate, and true to who we are now.
Because when our beliefs begin to shift, our nervous system can begin to settle too.
And from there, change becomes much more possible.