31/12/2025
Ok, Ok, I admit it…I feel things alot more deeply than I let on.
& because I don’t let on, my internal world can feel like a mass of spaghetti.
Take this Christmas. My family & I spent 3 days together. Great food, lots of presents, great tv, chocolate…fun times!
But by Boxing Day I was consumed with strong feelings. Shame, guilt, rage. I felt angry at everyone, I felt judgemental, I was desperately unhappy.
So what was happening to me?
In another part of my world my childhood friend is going through hell.
He lives 350 miles away so I don’t get to visit him often, but I’m in touch with those around him & know what he’s going through.
He has cancer in his throat & tongue.
He can no longer speak. He can no longer eat with his mouth, he has a tube directly into his stomach & 3 times a day a carer pumps goo directly into him.
He also has alcoholic dementia. He forgets close friends, he forgets from minute to minute. He is slipping away, not slowly, but he is gradually going.
So my inner turmoil is because deep down I’m desperately sad & angry that I’m losing my friend.
I need to communicate events & feelings around them that I experience in our relationship.
Our connection is forged through our friendship in early childhood, our scrapes as teenage pals, & the crazy times we spent together in our 20’s.
I need to apologise, I need to forgive, I need to issue important statements, & all while being heard.
This is the beginning of the path to my healing.
Walk with me in 2026 towards emotional freedom.
Regain strength to help & not just hurt.
